I hated my life with my uncle and aunt. My parents died right after my birth in a mall shooting. While growing up I didn''t get to know the feeling of love from my guardian. I believed that it was just a give-and-take relationship. It was just like I was working for them for accommodation.


    The only place of peace was the wild. A country boy, on the outskirts of Dhika Village, chopping branches of trees. I perfected the use of kukri, a knife, at the age of nineteen--- I was twenty-two then. Playing with my friends, collecting wood in the forest, and hiking the Nepalese mountains were the blissful times of my life.


    After graduation from school, I moved out of the house and the village. I enrolled in a good college and rented an apartment in Kathmandu. A bird in the morning blue sky was experiencing freedom for the first time. I worked odd jobs for the rent and tuition fees and studied hard for exams.


    It was going well for a while though. Suddenly it struck my mind, WHAT''S THE DIFFERENCE? I was repeating what I had been doing all these years.


    A bird in the blue sky was as alone as I was, he needed a flock. A flock that guides him through his ventures, making the journey beautiful for him and the spectators by displaying mesmerizing patterns along its path. I aspired to do those things I missed earlier in my life.


    I took a student loan and moved to one of the hostels in the college. I joined a club and participated in college activities and festivities marking my presence in the social sphere.


    I tagged along with the crazy students to crazy night-outs in the wild. I celebrated the birthdays of my peers and friends embracing the chaos and the cake. I had a lot of friends but they were not as close as I imagined them to be. I was shy and introverted I would have come across as a pretty boring person.


    The luxury of having a harmless face came with a boon of people revealing their secrets to me. You never knew, behind the veil of that pretty smile, an evil laugh hiding. I listened to the vicious thoughts and absurd logic of the people.


    Mistrust led to jealousy, jealously brewed hate, and hate enveloped the positivity of a human being. It fabricated a non-required part of the society, a devil.


    I was curious and frightened at the same time. Curious to know whether peace would prevail over the chaos, frightened to know whether it would consume me too.


    I had picked drama club. I wasted quite a time rehearsing the play in my free hours. I was attached to acting; it invites the person to see the world through another perspective.


    Those days we were preparing "Julius Caesar" for the upcoming college fest.


    I met Funcho and Rachi, the president and deputy of the club. They were the nicest people that I had met so far. Funcho was a confident, handsome guy with a great ability to direct the plays.


    Rachi was like a ray of sunlight in the morning giving hope to the sparrows that they could wander in the bright sky after a long cold night. She aided the newbies to act.


    She was like a mother teaching the child how to walk. She filled others with joy. She brimmed me with something surreal. I was captivated by her the moment I placed my eyes on her. I encountered a new emotion that was sealed away till that instant.


    I was afraid to converse with her. I was captivated by her looks, just like a thirsty camel man succumbs to a mirage, I failed to reach out to her. Funcho, the genie, came to the rescue.


    "You want to talk with her?" he asked.


    "No... I mean yeah."


    "Follow me then."


    "Hey... wait."


    I followed him to the stage where she was standing. She looked at us. He introduced me to her and then she said coldly "Okay-". She traversed her gaze to the rehearsing fellows. She didn''t even look at me again.


    I was there beside her in an awkward way. She was nonchalant and I was broken inside. I froze on my ground. Funcho pulled me through that inner remorse that I was suffering from. Then I left the auditorium to cheer myself from that incident.


    Two days later, When I was reinstalled as a listener for "talk too much" individuals, I heard a rumour about Rachi. She had a breakup a week ago and that too a nasty one.


    I was informed that she tolerated a toxic relationship and that her boyfriend was a real devil. Her boyfriend tried to rape her with his friends. I demanded his name but they turned it down citing it was just a rumour they heard. Perhaps they saw my red eyes or heard a rageful voice and opted not to tell the truth.


    I skipped some training sessions for the play. I investigated the name of the former boyfriend and got nothing, perhaps my influence circle was not so diverse or she was secretly in a relationship with some dude.


    I sympathized with her; however, I had a grievance over how Rachi shuddered me. My self-esteem locked the doors of the auditorium.


    I was sitting alone in an open canteen. I ordered a Chai; sitting on a chair, and adjusting for comfort---sinking bit by bit in the gravel platform. In the meantime, I was dwelling on the thought of whether to continue the practice or quit the play.


    I was fidgeting a small rock and without a warning, Rachi sat on a chair next to me. I froze that very moment; my mind was simulating all possibilities as to why she sat next to me.


    The waiter placed the chai on the table. I initiated the surpling of tea forgetting the heat, so that I could avoid the confrontation with her. That hot tea violated my soul through my tongue; sending sensation from toe to tip of head, and it tormented me till drops of tears rolled out of my eyes. It was truly a soul-touching experience but in a bad way.


    In that horrible situation, I saw a beacon of hope in the form of Funcho. To my shock, he was waving at me, and there was a thumb-up afterward. I guess he must be playing some sort of wingman, an effective one rather. I was far beyond the level of pain that I could manage to bear. I slammed the table and ran away. All eyes gazed upon me till I faded away in the background. But she remained still.


    Is it a help from a friend or an act of pity? I wondered but I was glad.


    The following day was unusual. That day I noticed the crowd arranged itself with a group of two; three; four and so on. The most serious looking were the couplets; triplets encouraged a roasting fest of an unlucky fellow; it could be any one of the three; Quads were the triplets with the addition of a love interest; Quintets were the chaos brigade.


    The ones with the rumour were the lonely shady people. You just had to stand next to them and stroke a conversation and had to deliver them with some juicy stuff and they were ready to spew you a good load of chits and chatters off and around the campus.


    Varun was quite a normal person to do such kind of activity. He was tall and could be seen in large crowds of the campus. He had a favourite place to stand and just wait for the gossip that people brought to him. He was quite well-versed in getting information. He used me as well; he kept me by his side when he discovered that I had a harmless face and good listener. but I left him.


    Whenever I felt bad, I visited him. He was always glad to meet me. We sat on the stairs. I told him about Rachi and the canteen story.


    "Then Talk to her, my man," he said.


    "I don''t know how to talk to her, When I did, she ignored me, and now-"


    "My man, my man, if you think too much you won''t get the next chance."


    "She is approaching you, my man," he screamed.


    We were catching up as we met after a month and then we saw sunglasses, then a face, then a neck, then a chest, and then hands with one wrapped with plaster of Paris. He had a grin. He paused at a stair below where we had landed our asses. We could see his knee in front of our eyes. We ignored him and thought he would pass eventually but to our surprise, he didn''t.


    After a while, Varun lost his patience and stood up.


    "Are you blind, my man," he asserted. "If you are not then I will make you one."


    "Hey man, cool down, I have something interesting to tell you."


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    "My man I am here with my friends and I don''t wanna talk especially with someone who is looking like a character from a spy movie."


    "Okay but-"


    "What with this cowboy hat and a broken hand."


    "Let me tell-"


    "Ashwin, my man, let''s just sit in the canteen," Varun said.


    We walked down the stairs.


    "I know something about Rachi," said the man in the hat.


    Whispers were everywhere; people were amused by them and some loved the tittle-tattle. Tool to stomp over the reputation of a person, gossip could be the true child of envy. Abnormal employ that to get a pass to join a group of friends, gossip could be the true enemy of friendship.


    Varun was a seeker of hearsay. He liked little too much of it, gossips could be the true entertainment for him.


    However, when I heard the name Rachi. I wrenched my neck in curiosity and I was quick to react, quicker than him.


    He had these Rachi furphies about her ex-boyfriends. He was one of them and received a curse from her, he said. He revealed that she had inflicted curses whosoever dated her. He claimed that she was a witch. He warned us to stay miles away from her. He yapped and yapped after a while he completed his monologue.


    I was worried and wondered who the hell spread such nasty rumours about her. But Varun instantly uttered, "That''s not a cuckoo rumour."


    "What''s a cuckoo rumour?" asked the man in bandage and me.


    There was a boy in a village. He was an aspiring archer. His Village had a hunting group, he wanted to be a part of it. But his body was too weak to be acknowledged by his fellow men. He devised a plan to get famous as an archer. He brought a talkative kid with him in the jungle. He killed a cuckoo with his archery while the kid watched. Then He told the kid to go back to the Village. He was certain about his plan that in two days he would be known for his skills and must be accepted by hunters’ group. While returning to the home, he lost the way but returned to the Village after a day. There he found the tale of a killer cuckoo and how this vicious bird killed a young boy. Hunters swept the whole forest to exterminate all cuckoos as they became an assumed threat.


    "The young boy was the archer," said the man in sunglasses.


    Quickly the mood changed, and Varun approached him and caught him by the collar.


    "That''s no passage, my man, don''t answer; I am no teacher of yours."


    "Sorry, my man."


    "Don''t try to imitate me."


    "Fine, just let me go."


    "And I only love cuckoo rumours not that garbage you just sold me. Rachi had only one boyfriend, Shankh," Varun said. "Who bought you?"


    "I didn''t see him; he was behind the curtain and gave me money to spread the word. That''s all, now please let me go," he begged.


    Varun tore the bandage on his right hand then he began crying. I was impressed by his acting skills; he was still maintaining the role even after he was busted. However, I was slightly wrong. The broken hand part of the story was real. As soon as we realized we both ran and blended into the corridor crowd.


    The whole day, I was contemplating who the hell trying to defame Rachi. The first suspect should be the guy, Shankh, who she''d just broken up with.


    Using every brain cell that a human could have, I concluded that it could be anyone. She was so pretty, cool, somewhat famous and so confident. Oh, and she was kind-hearted too, except to me. I guessed any girl or boy could take offense to what she was. But the hard suspect was her ex.


    The following day, cautiously and covering my head with a red hoodie; I entered the auditorium where the rehearsals were held. I heedfully sat on the top corner. I gazed whole act and noticed they hadn''t replaced me as Brutus.


    I was kind of glad but then felt awful. They trusted me, Funcho too; what I had done instead of showing gratitude deceived them.


    The corner of the gloom, one might call it that. It evolved into a region of uncertainty when she sat next to me. She was rehearsing on stage and next I remembered she was beside me.


    That was the moment, I reckoned that a conversation must be triggered off, forgetting what had happened in the canteen. I gathered all the confidence that I had gained from my birth. I was about to say hello.


    "Caeser should have killed Brutus," she said.


    "What!!!"


    "I mean If he had killed Brutus and proclaimed that anyone tried to betray him; the Same fate would await them, then no one would dare to hurt him-"


    "No, what I meant was, why are you telling this to me."


    "Umm that''s how you start a talk, don''t you."


    "I guess, yeah probably," I laughed. She smirked.


    She looked prettier bit by bit. I was sitting listening to her voice; it was like a lullaby for me. I was too close to her my brain stopped processing what she was speaking. It was total madness.


    After a while, I stepped out from Lala Land to the real world. The Lullaby was the strict instructions for the newbies on the stage but in the voice of a maiden.


    "Umm, are you playing your part?" She asked.


    "I have decided that I must play-"


    "Then I must play my part too," she murmured.


    "You should. But first I am sorry for that day in the canteen. I walked out"


    "Chillax, Funcho informed me that you had loose motions that day,"


    What the fuck! Funcho, how could you tell her that? I looked around for him so that I could pierce the daggers of my eyes in his chest. But he was there standing, waving to me and giving thumbs up. And what was with that smile, a smile of someone who had mediated a peace treaty between warring nations.


    Then, there was silence between us. We were watching rehearsal, and I peeked at her face two or three times and her chest one little time.


    I saw people practicing with their props. A few playing with the swords. Funcho was testing the crown of Julius Caesar. One was standing with a buffalo-head mask on. Others were checking out their outfits.


    After that, all of a sudden, the hall echoed with the hoots of five men. They were arguing time of the allotment. I could see guitars and keyboards with them. They must be members of the music club. I glanced at her face once again and she was furious. Her expressions hinted that she was about to squelch them. She stood up from the chair.


    "SHANKH !!" She snapped and sprinted towards the stage.


    Shankh, huh, Oh shit he was her ex-boyfriend. The one who tried to exploit her with his friends. The one I had been searching for.


    Rachi was pissed when she saw Shankh. Then it was visible to all through the fuming argument on the main stage. They were both at each other, no one was backing off. The music club wanted their practice time and the acting club deputy defended her rehearsal time. Every pair of legs embarked on a journey to the stage to be involved in the tiff. Mine were too but because of a different intent.


    As my steps approached her, the tiff turned into a spat. Shankh lost it; he briskly approached her and extended his hand to touch her. I grabbed his hands and pushed him a few steps back.


    "If you touch her even a bit, I will spread that you molest girls," I murmured in his ears.


    He was stunned. He glared at me briefly.


    "What''s the proof?" He whispered.


    "I don''t need any and the way you asked for proof—what about Ibiza Lounge & Disco then."


    "Bro, I am telling you it was not me. She is a cursed woman and you will be dragged into this someday."


    "Stop this trash and leave," I bawled.


    He cleared his throat and shrugged his hand from my grip. He pulled out his engaged boys from the argument and left. The claps welcomed my courage and celebrated this small victory.


    The performance as a lone warrior attracted opinions and appreciation from the other day. Before Rachi was set to perform the role of Roman dictator Julius Caeser, she offered me the role. She hesitated to cast someone else to play it, fearing they wouldn''t give justice to his character. But I auditioned it unknowingly.


    It was fixed that I would be Julius Caeser, Rachi would play the politician Marcus Junius Brutus and our director Funcho was going to play Senator Gaius Cassius Longinus. Fortune favoured the brave, that was me and I was leading in an act in such a short span of time.


    Her gazes were all over me, next we all met at the stage. I was avoiding eye contact thinking she must be looking at something else. I was delivering my line in a scene, my eyes met hers and there was a pause and I forgot the dialogue. Crew members got pissed as we had less time.


    She was performing her scene and I was watching her. And there it was, I looked behind just to be precise. Then turned back, she was nailing the scene but she didn''t gaze back at me from then.


    Funcho was standing beside me through all the commotion. He was Rachi''s neighbour and childhood friend. Both of their father was a politician from the same party. So, their family were close. He must know her intentions.


    I skidded to him. He was memorising the script drowning his face in the pages.


    "Talk to her," he said.


    "I don''t want to ruin this friendship for something which is not-"


    "Talk to her, till she is into you or you don''t wanna?"


    "Is she? Look how beautiful she is, anyone would want to date her. Didn''t you ever think about dating her, both of you look too close to each other and you are her childhood friend."


    "She is like a sister to me," he said.


    It was decided that the whole crew of the theatre club would go for a picnic before the play. All of us presented the names of various places near Kathmandu. Phulchoki surfaced as the winner. Everyone was too excited and looking forward to it.


    Funcho came and reminded me of the best chance to ask her out on a date. I rehearsed how would I tell her a million times in front of a mirror a night before the planned day.


    Finally, the day had come. It was seven sharp and everybody was arranging themselves on the bus. I couldn''t get the sleep that was required for my brain to make sense of what it was watching or hearing. I stepped into the bus; most of the seats were occupied by cheerful people. I saw the gap at the last row and paced myself to proclaim it my own.


    Phulchoki was a beautiful hill station and a place for avid bird watchers. We reached there at ten. I picked up the bag and swiftly walked toward the gate to get out. I saw Rachi sitting and looking sad. Besides her was an unoccupied seat. I hurried to avoid any awkwardness. I got the sense that it was for me. I missed to see the possibility of that event. After that one more line joined my speech for asking her to go on a date.


    We build two tents one for the boys and one for the girls. There was this buzz around the camp that Rachi was no longer interested in me. It hit me that instant that it was because I refused to sit near her. I jolted to tell her the truth. As I was moving to her; she was reaching to me. And there we were at each other''s face.


    Is she going to tell me face-to-face?


    "Come and meet me under that tree in about 5 minutes," she pointed.


    We were there for 5 minutes silent and waiting other to speak first. I knew why I wasn''t talking as an introvert, but her silent I couldn''t comprehend it. She had this face as if she was going to do something wrong. And then.


    "Do you want to go on a date with me?" she asked.


    "Yeah, I''d love to."


    It was so simple. I knew that was the moment where my new life was beginning. She picked the place and time. I bought a new perfume and clothes. I looked in the mirror how I was rocking in the new dress. I reminded myself that the longing to be loved had come to an end.


    I reached the bus station. The hustling and bustling of people were quite astonishing in the evening. While inquiring, I was informed that it was a day of some religious festivities. The bus must be filled with people. With the wait, a bus arrived with quite a load of individuals. I had to reach Ibiza Lounge & Disco at six, so I latched on to it. There was barely any space, I was holding on my own at the entrance gate. Although the view was great when the bus was crossing the bridge on the river.


    A powerful thrust launched my body out of the bus running at sixty kmph. Images of my life flashed through my eyes.


    Why now and Who? I asked God.


    Through the air, my body spun, just about to brace for the impact. It was Rachi Tamang.