Chapter 158


    158. Olivia


    On the fourth morning after Rueben was shot, when the guys finally leave the house, I get out of bed.


    With a bit of luck, I might find a knife in the kitchen and finish what I started nights ago.


    Ignoring the jolts of paining from my toes, I make my way into the kitchen. Empty beer bottles are


    on the table, together with ashtrays that need to be cleaned, Ignoring the mess, I open the drawers, but


    no matter how long I search, I don’t find what I am looking for.


    Frustrated, I go to the living room. Miss Teapot is sleeping on the couch and I sif next to her. Wanting to


    distract myself, I grab the remote control when I notice a half-empty bottle of tequ on the coffee table.


    My heart suddenly beats faster. After looking around, making sure I am truly alone in the house, I grab


    it and go to the bedroom.


    I prefer drugs over alcohol but tequ might get me drunk enough to forget about the pain for a few


    hours. Jasper might get angry once he learns I drank, but since he no longer wants me, I am sure he


    won’t care what I am doing


    Just to be sure, I go into the bathroom, sit on the we, and take a sip from the bottle. The tequ is


    stronger than 1 expected and it feels like it is burning my throat then my stomach. Good. Maybe I will


    have a sudden internalbustion and die.


    I don’t know how long I stay in the bathroom drinking when I hear Rueben’s voiceing from the next


    room. “I need help!


    Why is he here?


    sen


    1 ignore him, not wanting to hear how he insults me but then he screams, “I am going to f u c k i n g pi


    s s myself!”


    My head is spinning and I am sure I am tipsy but over the years, I built a high resistance to alcohol. It


    would take an entire bottle to get me fully drunk.


    Rueben yells again.


    Remembering Tyson’s reaction to when I couldn’t contain my dder and the shame I felt after I wet


    the bed, I decide


    to help him.


    Swinging the bottle and drinking the remainder of the tequ, I go to help him. Not before I put the


    bottle back where I found it. Then I go to Rueben.


    He is sitting on the bed, trying to yank the IV from his arm. He looks better than thest time I saw him.


    Being a vessel to a demon has its advantages. Jason always healed fast with the help of his angel. I


    guess it is the same for the Lords.


    “You shouldn’t do that,” I say. “Let me help you.”


    “I don’t need your help, Diseased C u n t,” he snarls. He tries to get up but falls back on the bed. “F u c


    k !” ring daggers at me, he yells, “This is all your f u c k i n g fault!”


    “I’m sorry,” I whisper.


    158. Olivia


    The guilt I feel doesn’t evene close to any of the torture I received while I was in the Celestial


    Heaven or any of the beatings Jason doled out to me. The guilt that lives in my chest and consumes


    me little by little is my personal


    hell.


    Ruebenughs bitterly. “You ruined my entire life and I will ruin yours.” I don’t know if he realizes my life


    is already a living nightmare. Nothing he will do can make it worse than it already is. “I curse the day


    Cam let you into our lives.” He tries to stand and I go to help him. “Don’t touch me!” I don’t want to,


    but he gets dizzy, and I put my shoulder under his arm, supporting him. My knees bend under his


    weight but he doesn’t push me away. I keep my face from him, not wanting him to smell the alcohol on


    my breath. He doesn’t notice it or the hate he feels for me makes him oblivious. “You should have put


    that pistol at your temple and blown your brain out instead of shooting my sweet sister right in the


    heart.”


    away


    Grabbing the IV stand pole, I direct him to the bathroom.


    “I should have,” I agree.


    We make it to the bathroom and I leave him to do his thing before I help him back into the bed.


    “I am hungry, bring me something to eat,” he orders me.


    It’s been years since I have cooked but nevertheless, I go to the kitchen. Remembering that Rueben


    likes omelet and toast, I look for ingredients in the fridge. Out of sheer luck, I find eggs, butter,


    shredded cheese, and green onions. In the cupboards, I find a bowl and other things I need and get to


    work. I rip the green part of the onion with my hands and add it to the cheese and the eggs before I mix


    everything and put it in the pan. The finished product looks awful, but the taste isn’t that bad.


    I put the omelet on the tray together with a few slices of toast, a ss of juice and take it to Rueben.


    “What the f u c k is this!?” he sneers when I put the tray on the nightstand next to him.


    I should have guessed he wouldn’t like it. “I tried to make your favorite breakfast.”


    He knocks everything to the floor. The te and the ss break, my eyes fixing on the shards. A way


    out of this


    misery.


    “Except for f u c ki n g men and killing innocent people, are you even good at anything?”


    “I am sorry,” I whisper and get on my knees to clean the mess.


    After I clean the shards, cutting my fingers in the process, Rueben gets out of bed and stands in front


    of me.


    “The only thing you are good at is f u c k i n g men but I would rather rip off my coc k than stick it inside


    that nasty cu n t of yours.” He sounds cold and full of hate. I look up at him, and he spits on my face.


    “My parents took their lives because of you and I will make sure you pay for everything you did before I


    kill you. Finish cleaning and get the f u c k


    out of here.”


    I rush to do as he orders, and when the floor is clean, I grab the tray and leave. Before throwing the


    ss shards in the bin, I put one in my shirt pocket. I wash my hands, wrap a towel around my fingers,


    and return to my room. Miss Teapot follows me. I pet her while I feel relieved that I finally found a way


    to end myself. She purrs and Iy on the bed and take the shard out. For a moment, I contemte


    getting inside the bathroom, not wanting Jasper to have to


    155 Olivia


    deal with a mattress soaked with blood but f u c k it..


    I roll up my sleeve.


    Imagining Cam, he: lovely smile, and that sweet boy with turquoise eyes, I put the shard against my


    wrist. It doesn’t even hurt when I make the first cut. This time, it is along my arm, following a vein that


    goes from my wrist to the crook of my elbow,


    Blood bubbles to the surface almost immediately, and I watch it transfixed. I switch the shard from one


    hand to the other and I am about to make another cut when the front door opens and closes, and I rush


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    to hide the shard in the


    bathroom.


    “Olivia?” Ansel calls my name.


    Panicking, I throw the shard inside the WC tank before I turn on the shower and I look for something to


    stop the bleeding. “Just a moment,” I yell, hoping he won’t enter.


    Of course, the opposite happens. “I saw blood on the ” he stops mid-sentence as he looks at my arm.


    “What the f u c k happened?” he growls and closes the distance that separates us in one long step.


    Now he pretends he cares? Hypocrite.


    “I had an ident in the kitchen while I tried to make breakfast for Rueben,” I lie.


    a s s. C


    He grabs my arm to take a better look at it. “ident, my top of having to protect the farm from Jason


    and hist men, I have to babysit you as well.”


    Jason is here?


    He takes a towel from the rack and wrap


    it around my arm.


    Knowing I missed my chance, a new nes to mind: sneak out of here and find Jason.


    “I swear it was an ident. I dropped the tray with food for Rueben, and when I threw the shards away,


    I cut myself.” Showing him my fingers, I add, “This is from when I cleaned the floor. I didn’t want anyo