Chapter 88


    ***Chastity***


    Getting up the next morning was a struggle. I had not slept great, and my emotions were running really


    high still. I was surprised to find Colby, and Lexi still in my room. Colby was already out of bed, reading


    something. Lexi was still sound asleep. How the three of us managed to fit in my bed together was


    beyond me.


    “Oh good. You’re awake.” Colby said quietly as he set his book down.


    “What are you two still doing here?” I whispered as I sat up.


    “No way we were leaving you alonest night with how upset you were.”


    “But….”


    “You’re my sister short stack, and you needed me.”


    “I….you two shouldn’t have to do that though.”


    “It’s not about having to. We did it because we love you, and you needed us.”


    “Oh.”


    I didn’t know what else to say. I felt horrible for ruining their night. They shouldn’t have to put their lives


    on hold for me like that. Last night was terrible, if I’m being honest. It didn’t start out that way. I had


    fallen asleep while studying, but the dream that woke me up was awful. It wasn’t like my old


    nightmares, but it was emotionally terrible.


    “Do you want to talk about it?” Colby asked.


    “I…I have to get to ss.” I responded, looking at my hands.


    “Don’t be mad, but I already contacted your professor this morning. Since you have nothing due, they


    emailed today’s notes, so you have nothing until your appointment with Dee-Dee.”


    “Why did you do that?”


    “Because we need to talk about what happenedst night, you need more rest, and how would you be


    able to concentrate when you head, and emotions are a mess?”


    “But I can’t afford to miss ss.”


    “Chastity, it’s one ss, and it’s not going to set you back. Your professor already sent your notes, and


    assignments to you so you’ll have no trouble.”


    “But….”


    “I get it. I really do, but right this second you need focus on you.”


    “I…Thank you.”


    “I’m your brother. I know I didn’t do it for years, but it’s my job to look out for you. You were a messst


    night. You even said you wanted to drop out.”


    “I…I’m sorry I worried you.”


    “I’m fine. You’re not alone anymore Chas. You have people who love you, and are always here for you.”


    “How….how did you know I was having a rough timest night?”


    “Rowen text me and Lex.”


    “Oh. How did you get in?”


    “I had your door code add to my ID card?”


    I didn’t know how I felt about that. It seemed a little much to me.


    7 did it because I needed to make sure I could get to you if you needed me.” Colby exined before I


    could ask


    “We did it because we love you small fry. Nothing more, nothing less.” Lexi said sleepily as she sat up,


    and rubbed her eyes.


    I nodded, and looked at my hands. I wasn’t used to people being there for me when I’m struggling. I


    didn’t know how to react to it. It made me feel weird. Before I could say anything Lexi moved over to


    me, and put her arm around me, pulling me close to her.


    “Do you want to tell us what happenedst night? Maybe we can help you feel better.” Lexi offered.


    “It’s stupid. It was just a dream.” I whispered.


    “Nothing that upsets you that much is stupid Chas.” Colby said as he picked up Lc, and set her on


    the bed near me.


    I watched my kittene over to me, and climb onto my shoulder then said, “She needs to be fed.”


    “I already fed her.” Colby stated.


    “You did?” I questioned.


    “Yeah. She was trying to wake you up so I fed her to let you sleep.”


    “Oh. Thank you.”


    “You’re wee.”


    “Talk to us Chas. We want to help you.”


    “It was just a dream. I don’t even know why it upset me so much.”


    “It doesn’t matter why. All that matters is that it did, and we want to help you feel better.” Lexi coaxed.


    I took Lc off my shoulder, pulled away frim Lexi, and leaned forward. I ran my hands through my hair,


    and sighed I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to think about it. It was my biggest fear


    brought to life. I felt Lexi rub my back, and Colby sat on the bed in front of me. He put his fingers under


    my chin, and made me look up at him.


    “Chastity, we’re not going tough at you, ridicule you, or make you feel bad in any way about your


    dream. We want to hear about it so we can help you work through the stuff that it caused.” Colby said


    gently and I finally nodded


    “Joe, and dad decided to drop the charges against Fiona then had her released from prison. They even


    brought her back to the pack, and moved her into dad’s apartment with him and Braxton. I went home


    for a visit, not knowing any of that. When I got home dad, Joe, Jax, Molly, Peter, Ross, Melissa, Gina,


    and Braxton started yelling at me about being a liar That they didn’t appreciate all of the lies I told about


    Fiona that caused them to falsely imprison her. You two, Rowen, Norm, and Marcus turned on me right


    that second


    “Dad and Joe told me that I wasn’t allowed to return to school because of my lies. Rowen told me he


    wasn’t going to reject me, but he didn’t want me as his Luna any more. He was going to take Fiona as


    his Luna. That I was banished from the pack, and that he made sure I wouldn’t be epted by another


    pack, ever, not even the Rogue leader would except me. I would spend the rest of my life alone. That


    eventually even Le would abandon me because she would no longer be able to have a mate, pack,


    or pups. That was my punishment for hurting so many people with my lies, and games. I was allowed


    to pack up some clothes in my back pack, take Lc, and leave. I was not allowed to take any money,


    my phone, nothing. worth money. Even the ring from my mom was taken from me, and given to Fiona.


    Joe lead me to the edge of the pack territory, broke my link to the pack, and then the warriors chased


    me out of the pack.” I exined quietly as I had tears running down my face.


    “Chastity, we know for a fact that you did not lie about anything that happened to you. They admitted to


    all of it. We also have your medical records from your hospital stays. Hell, we all saw Fiona, Aurora,


    Naomi, and Gina beating you up at the Wee Home party. Your scars are evidence to what you


    were subjected to as well. Fiona will serve her full sentence, and she has already been banned from


    the pack. That is not going to change. I know you may not believe my words, but I can get the


    paperwork for Fiona from Joe if you want me to. The only other thing we can do is continue to prove to


    you that we are not going any where. The only way you’re not going to finish school is if you decide to


    quit on your own which we’re not going to let you do without good reason.” Colby stated as he


    squeezed my hand.


    “I know. In my heart I do, but sometimes it’s hard to remember.”


    “We understand, and we’re not judging you in any way. Please don’t think we are. We’ll never leave


    you You’re my sister-inw, and my best friend. Like it or not, you’re stuck with me for life.” Lexi said as


    she bumped against my shoulder.


    “You’re stuck with all of us. I know we all let you down for a lot of years, but that will never be the case


    again. Give us time to prove that please.” Colby added.


    “I know, and I’m trying. I really worried Rowenst night, didn’t I?” I asked.


    “Yes you did. He stayed on video chat until he was sure you werepletely asleep, and he already


    text me twice this morning.” Colby answered.


    “I should probably call him.”


    “It would probably be a good idea.” Colby agreed.


    “Do you want us to stay?” Lexi questioned.


    “No. You don’t have to. You both have sses to get to.” I responded.


    “I already told my professor I won’t be in ss this morning.” Lexi said.


    “I have to go to mine, but I’ll be here before dinner.” Colby stated as he got off the bed.


    “Oh.” I said quietly.


    “Why don’t I go get changed then grab us breakfast while you call Rowen, and take a shower. We’ll


    spend the morning together.” Lexi offered.


    “Yeah. OK. Thank you.” I agreed as I went to go get clothes to change into.


    They both left as I headed to the shower. I just stood under the spray for a long time, just trying to calm


    down, and clear my mind. I couldn’t think straight still. That dream really messed up my head. I hadn’t


    expected that, and I really had no idea what brought on such a dream. I didn’t like it. It felt like I had


    been drug back ten steps from where I have been recently. I hated it.


    Finally I got out of the shower, dressed then grabbed my phone off my nightstand. I found I had several


    text messages from Rowen, Jax, Molly, Ross, and Melissa. Just seeing those messages made me


    smile, and feel a little bit better. With a sigh, I called Rowen. It only rang twice when he picked up.


    “Hi sweet girl. I was just thinking about you. How are you feeling this morning?” Rowen’s deep voice


    came through the phone making me smile a little.


    “Hi Rowen. I’m sorry I worried youst night.” I said quietly.


    “You have nothing to be sorry for. You had a bad night, that happens. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there


    with you.”


    “But you were there for me, and you did what you could to make sure I was taken care of it when I


    needed it most. That meant a lot to me. Thank you.”


    “I should have been the one holding you though.”


    “I know, but you did what you could for me despite the circumstances. You also didn’t get mad at me for


    yelling at you. I was being unreasonable for no reason, and wouldn’t listen to what you were saying. I


    was making assumptions over nothing with no evidence behind my usations. I’m so sorry.”


    “Chastity, you don’t need to apologize, I understand, and I don’t hold it against you. I know these things


    happen, and I didn’t exin things to you well from the beginning I’m sorry for that.”


    “You didn’t do anything wrong though”


    “Neither did you. You have a right to your concerns, and to voice those concerns.”


    “True, but I should have been more reasonable about them, and actually talked to you about them,


    instead of yelling.”


    “Yelling happens sweet girl. I was more worried about you than bothered by your yelling. If you need to


    yell, you’re more than wee to.”


    “Why would you be ok with what I did?”


    “Because I love you.”


    “…”


    “I don’t expect you to say it back sweet girl. I know you’re still dealing with a lot right now, and I would.


    never expect you to say some it while you’re still dealing with so much.”


    “I….thank you.”


    “Always sweet girl. Do…do you want to tell me about your dream?”


    With a sigh I told Rowen about my dream. He listened to all I had to say, quietly. When I was finished I


    realized I was crying, again. I hated that a dream had such an effect on me. I was going to have to ask


    Dee -Dee about why a dream was having such an effect on my during my appointment today.


    “Wow. Did something happen that may have caused you to have a dream about her?” Rowen finally


    asked.


    “I…I’m not sure. I have been thinking about her a bittely. Just wondering how she is doing in prison,


    and if she has started therapy yet. In some ways I feel kind of bad for her because she’s in that ce


    all by herself. She’spletely alone, and I know how that feels. It’s hard in so many ways. Maybe


    that’s what caused that dream. Everyone turned their backs on her, and now she has no one.” I


    responded after thinking about it for a few minutes.


    “That is true, but her actions have put her where she is at this point. That, and herck of remorse for


    what she did. She almost killed you Chas. That’s not some small thing.”


    “I know, and I get it. I do, but I know how it feels to be isted from everyone, andpletely alone.


    It’s tough, and it hurts, a lot.”


    “I can’t imagine what that feels like. I know you though, so I know you have thoughts of going to see


    her.”


    “Yes, and no. There is a small part of me that wants to let her know that someone would be there for


    her. but that person shouldn’t be me. It can’t be me. I don’t think I could ever be around her, and not be


    afraid.”


    “Which ispletely understandable. You should never put yourself in a position that makes you


    ufortable unless there is no other choice.”


    “At the same time I need to face my fears.”


    “Yes, at some point, but I’m thinking not right now. I don’t think it would do either of you any good.


    Especially you.”


    “I know you’re right. I’m going to talk to Dee-Dee about all of this, and see what she says.”


    “That’s a good idea.”


    “Thank you.”


    “For what?”


    “For being so supportive, understanding, and patient.”


    “That’s my job, and I do it with honor. You don’t ever have to thank me for that ”


    “I better go. Lexi just got here with breakfast.”


    “Ok. I’ll talk to you tonight. OK?”


    “Ok.”


    We hung up as I opened the door for Lexi. We ate breakfast together quietly. She worked on some


    homework as I wrote a long journal entry. I needed to get everything out that I was thinking, and


    feeling. I had just finished my entry when Lexi looked up at me.


    “Umm…Chas?” Lexi said tentatively.


    “Yeah?” I responded.


    “You….you weren’t serious about dropping out, where you?”


    “No. I’ve worked too hard to give up. I just felt so alonest night, and….Well I thought if I went home I


    wouldn’t feel that way any more.”


    “I understand, but just know you’re never reallypletely alone. We’re all here for you. We’re not


    going any where.”


    “I know, and that means a lot.”


    “Good. Well I need to get to ss, and you need to get to Dee-Dee’s office.”


    “Yeah.”


    “See you at self defense ss?”


    “Yes.”


    Lexi nodded, gathered her stuff, and left. After I collected Lc, who hadn’t left my side once, and my


    journal, I made my way to Dee-Dee’s office. Surprisingly I wasn’t worried about what she would think of


    my journal entries, and what I was feeling. I knew she would help me with this, as she always did. I was


    really d my dad got me in with her. I felt like I hade a long way. I knew I had a long way to go,


    but she really helped a lot over thest few months.


    I sat quietly, an yed fetch with Lc as Dee-Dee read my journal entries from thest few days. I


    knew at least one was about Greg’s passing, and my worries about Braxton. The most important one


    was from


    this morning though. I knew in my heart that I had nothing to worry about, but it isn’t always to convince


    your mind of that. Eventually Dee-Dee handed me my journal back.


    “First, I’m proud of you for how you handled Braxton’s loss. I’m sure it meant a lot to him to have you


    there.” Dee-Dee said with a smile.


    “Yeah. Honestly I needed that weekend more than I realized. There was still a part of me that was


    afraid of Braxton, especially when he’s angry. Seeing first hand how he handles his anger, put thest


    of those fears to rest. I hadn’t realized how much I needed that until it happened.” I responded.


    “I’m d that you were able to do that. That is a big step in the right direction.”


    “Yeah, but I took massive steps backwardsst night.”


    “You did, but you didn’t. It’s not umon for dreams to have an impact on one’s emotional, and


    mental stability. Especially when one struggles as you do. It’s also not unheard of to have our


    subconscious to dredge up our fears in the form of dreams.”


    “So what do I do?”


    “Well first, remind yourself that it was just a dream, not reality. Just because we dream it, doesn’t mean


    it will happen.”


    “That’s true.”


    “I know can be hard to do, but it can be important to work hard to remind yourself often that it was just a


    dream. Reality is what you have been living thest few months. Reality is the experiences you have


    had over thest few months. Reality is the daily contact with all of those that are most important to


    you.” “That makes sense. I know I also need to face my fear of Fiona as well.”


    “In some ways, yes, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking.”


    “What do you mean?”


    Content property of N?velDra/ma.Org.


    “You can face your fear of Fiona without interacting with her in any way. Especially not right now.”


    “How?”


    “Fiona is not part of your life any longer. She never will be again. Even when she gets out she’s not


    allowed back at your pack. She will have to find herself a new pack. She also is not allowed here at


    Clovend, for any reason. You have to remind yourself that none of the people in your life have any


    contact with her. You wrote in here that Colby offered to get her file from your pack so you can see


    things for yourself. I think it would be a good idea for you to have that. You can read it anytime you start


    to fear her taking your life, and those you Jove away from you.”


    “I can see how that might help. What do I do about that fact that there is a part of me that is worried


    about her, and feeling bad that she is alone?”


    “That’s part of your nature Chastity. It’s part of how you are as a person. You will probably always have


    a part of you that will feel those things. There is nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t mean that you


    need to check up on her, or do for her what you did for Braxton.”


    “Why is that?”


    “Let me ask you a question.”


    “Sure.”


    “What was it about Braxton that made you decide to reach out to him, and do what you did for him?”


    “I spent years observing him as he grew up. When he wasn’t angry he was a good person, and very


    sweet.


    I watched how he was with pups as well. When I found out how his life imploded I felt for him. I just


    knew he needed someone who understood him in that moment. I was the only person he treated


    poorly.”


    “But you were also the one to reach out to him. It’s all because of you that no one turned their backs on


    him.”


    “Everyone else was angry. I wasn’t. I was just scared. He was taught to do the things he did to me. I


    knew inside he was a good pup who deserved a real chance.”


    “Now what is different with Fiona?”


    “Everything.”


    “Exin that to me.”


    “She was rude to so many people for as long as I can remember. I remember when I was a pup Luna


    Jane would sometimes ask Fiona if she wanted to help us with whatever we were doing Fiona was say


    no, stick her nose up in the air, and walk away. She would seek me out for the sole purpose of hurting,


    humiliating, andughing at me. The people she called friends, she would talk bad about behind their


    backs. She never treated anyone that wasn’t Aurora, Rowen, her dad or Joe with any respect or


    kindness. She would also do what she could to get others in trouble. She was just not a good person.”


    “Knowing what you know of Fiona, how do you think she would react to you approaching her to see


    how she is, and to extend friendship to her?”


    “Right now, at least not very well.”


    “You’re probably right. Seeing her may also be more damaging to you right now. She won’t talk to you


    with any respect, and may even try to tear you down. The most important person right now, is you. I


    understand your feelings, and concern for her, but the best thing for you to do is put those to rest. I


    know it’s hard, but your concern for her will do you more harm than good.”


    “I can see what you’re saying.”


    “Can I ask you another question?”


    “Yes.”


    “How did Lexi, and Colby staying with you make you feel?”


    “Surprised, for one.”


    “Why surprised?”


    “I didn’t expect them to do that.”


    “You didn’t think you meant that much to them?”


    “Well yeah.”


    “Now you know they do.”


    “Yeah.”


    “What else?”


    “At first, ufortable, and guilty, but then it made me feel cared for, special, and important.”


    “Why guilty?”


    “I took their time they have together. Lexi and Colby have very little time for the two of them. They gave


    that time up for me.”


    “Did they say anything about being with you instead of just being with each other?”


    “No. They told me that no matter what they are always here for me.”


    “How did that make you feel?”


    “Good.”


    “How are you feelingpared tost night?”


    “Better, and less fearful. That dream broke my heart more than anything. Having all of the people I love


    turn their backs on me like that hurt, a lot.”


    “I’m sure it did.”


    “It seemed so real.”


    “Sadly dreams can be like that some times.”


    “Why did I have that dream though?”


    “It’s hard to say why we have the dreams we have. There can be any number of reasons. Some


    believe that our dreams are manifestations of our fears”


    “So I’m afraid of Fiona returning, and turning everyone against me?”


    “I think the fear is less Fiona, and more of being abandoned by those that are most important you.


    Fiona being the one to cause that is just due to the effect she had on your life for so long.”


    “Oh. I guess I can see that. So what do I do to get rid of this fear?”


    “All you can really do is give it time, and continue to build your rtionships, as well as watch their


    actions toward you. The longer they are a part of your life, the more the fear will go away on it’s own.


    That kind of fear can’t just be talked away.”


    “Oh. I worry that everyone will get tired of me being afraid they’re going to leave me.”


    “They won’t. They understand why you have such a fear.”


    “I guess.”


    “I know it’s hard, but give yourself time, and be patient.”


    “I’ll try.”


    “Good. Are you still thinking of leaving school?”


    “No. I….I only said that because I felt so alone, and felt that if I was at home I wouldn’t be alone. Colby,


    and Lexi helped me get rid of that feeling.”


    “Good. I’m d. You would regret it if you let your emotional state take you away from what you want to


    aplish.”


    “Yeah. Rowen, and Colby said the same thing.”


    “I have no doubt they did. Believe it or not you’re doing really well considering where you were a few


    months ago. Keep it up. You’ll look back some day, and be proud of how far you havee.”


    “Thank you.”


    “You’re wee. You should get going though. ss starts soon.”


    I nodded a I clipped Lc’s leash back on her. The rest of my day went better, and I was able to focus


    on my sses better than I thought I would. Working out in self defense ss also helped work out the


    last of the stress in my body. By the time I got back to my room that night I did feel better. Rowen, and I


    had a long talk about what happened, my dream, and what he had tell me about his training program. I


    was


    honestly proud of, and happy for him. I had felt bad for worrying him so much, but his reassurances


    helped me feel better.


    I sometimes worried that I was too much work for him though. I hated making life harder for him. He


    had so many responsibilities as it was, and I felt I just added too them. I didn’t know how to fix it either,


    nor how to talk about it with him. I guess I just had to give it time, and see what happened. I also had to


    remind myself at times about what Dee-Dee said about not making big decisions when I’m emotionally


    and mentally struggling. I also hoped that he didn’t start resenting me for all the work I made him do.