1778 …


    Akio lands on his butt with a yelp, his hands flying up to bat away the dust cloud his graceless landing formed. Eyes flit from the wooden pole on the floor beside him, to Alex, full toothed smug smile on her face, and similar pole in hand.


    He rises with a pained grunt, dusty from head to toe. He reaches for his pole. “You having fun?”


    Alex exhales in extreme satisfaction. “Lots.”


    Akio tempers the frustration itching to spew from his lips. “Look, not to ruin your idea of a good time; but you said you were going to teach me to fight. So far you''ve been beating the shit out of me, and I''ve learned nothing.” He says, panting hard.


    Alex studies him for a moment, pole twirling lazily in one hand. The smug smile is still in place, but her head is tilted to the side tacitly now. “Actually, I said we were going to find someone to teach you to fight. It''s not my fault we didn''t find anyone.”


    “So what, you''re just going to keep pummeling me repeatedly until I catch something?” He chuffs.


    “And you said you weren''t learning anything.” She smirks, driving the pole steady into the ground with one impressive swoop. She steps away from the upright pole, encouraging Akio to attack her with a motion of her fingers. “Again. I won’t even use the stick this time.”


    Akio sighs, it was a futile attempt. He closes the gap between them anyway. He swings the stick at her and she sidesteps it with elegance, arms folded behind her back.


    “Plant your feet, and protect your face.” She tutors calmly while her body bobs and weaves, deftly maneuvering his attacks. “Serious issue the face part, ''cause that''s really all you''ve got going for you.” Her open palm circles an invisible frame around his face. He rankles.


    “Where did you learn all this?” He pants, pole in hand flying every which way to try and land a hit, growling when he doesn''t.


    Alex grabs the pole mid strike, wrenching it from him effortlessly before sweeping the ground from under his feet. Once again Akio is back on his bum, head falling back onto the dusty ground in equal parts pain and frustration.


    “Also, try not to ask your opponents personal questions. In a real fight that would be even more incentive to kill you.” Alex tosses the pole to the side with a bored sigh, moving forward to bend into his line of sight.


    “This is boring now. On to lesson 2.” She steps over him dismissively, and He would be gravely insulted if his ass didn’t hurt something fierce.


    “I thought lesson 2 was ‘Don''t die’?” He groans.


    Alex shrugs. “On to lesson 3 then.” She reaches out her hand to help him off his sprawl. He takes it.


    He does a couple of stretches once he’s up, grunting in satisfaction at the popping of joints. He turns to Alex with a wince.


    “You-you''re bleeding.” He gestures around his own nose, guilty look taking over his face. He didn’t realize he had clipped her.


    She tsks knowingly, producing a pristine white handkerchief to wipe the blood.


    “I didn''t realize I tagged you.” He swipes the dust off his clothes as best as he can, lifting to find Alex has disappeared.


    He whirls to and fro, pivoting fully to find her striding off the opposite way without a word.


    Alex hums an old tune, fingers working deftly to assemble a pistol. The tune is one of the first things she ever learnt, albeit having no inkling of the true origins of the song. She recalls the faint outlines of a figure lulling her to sleep with the song, face coming up a blank slate each time she tries to focus on the profile.


    The sound of sand crumbling under boots pulls her from her trance, quickly dismissing the melancholic mood as soon as she spies Akio approaching. Her casual nonchalant mask slipping back into place.


    “Is your nose okay?” Akio asks worriedly.


    “Perfect.” She assuages.


    Akio nods gently, gaze zeroing in on the gun in her grasp. “What is that?” He queries, hackles raised for some reason.


    She raises the items in her hand one after the other, leaning in to address him like one would address an inquisitive child. “Gun. Rounds.”


    Akio scoffs at the slighting demeanor. “I know what it is.” His eyebrows knit together in offense. “You want me to fire a gun?”


    “Yes. Hence the presence of the gun.” Alex responds caustically, and Akio shrugs.


    “You might need it to shoot me.”


    She makes a wistful sound in her throat, twisting around to look at him. “Don''t tempt me.” She snaps the chamber shut, giving it an adept spin before relinquishing the loaded gun to Akio, grip facing him. “Here.”


    “I can''t take this.” Akio steps back, hands raised in a shield.


    Alex moues, eyes raking over the gun in search of what she missed. She finds nothing amiss.


    “What''s wrong with it?” Her eyes whip up to inquire from him.


    “It-It’s a gun! I don''t like killing people or violence in general.” He sputters.


    Alex stares stupefied for a second, left eye twitching nearly shut in a bewildered squint. “Didn''t you blast a guy ten feet across the street?”


    “That was necessary self defense!” Akio demurs.


    “Consider this necessary gun violence then.” She clocks the look on his face, demanding she elaborate. “You might not like killing other people, but believe me when I tell you, other people want to kill you.”


    “Why? They don''t even know me.”


    “No one cares, it''s a simple survival tactic; Kill or be killed.” She thrusts the gun into his hands, Akio fumbling briefly to get a proper hold on it.


    “It-It''s heavy.” He stammers, canting the gun away from him like it might bite. Alex takes a quick minute to wonder what she must have done to deserve her current predicament. Too many things to choose from.


    She positions him a good distance away from a wall, where she had set up some empty glass bottles beforehand.


    “Aim at the bottles, please.” She instructs, willing away the frustrated crack that was about to strain through.


    “You say ''please'' a lot.” Akio says, the gun still angled away from him.


    Alex could feel the eye twitch that heralded the swift decline of her patience.


    “Then I''ll stop.” She responds, hoisting the gun, with his hand closed whitely around it to firing level. “Shoot.”


    Akio squeezes the trigger tentatively, flinching each time he fired a shot and missing every last bottle.


    “I''m awful at this.” He grumbles after the fact. No shit.


    Alex snorts at the obvious, hand scratching at her chin in consideration.


    “You did hit everything. Just ... not the bottles.” She says finally, some half-assed attempt at reassurance that she''s certain Akio doesn’t buy.


    “Yeah, I''m going to fucking die out here.” He says self-deprecatingly.


    “Oh, don''t say that.” Alex chastises. “We could move the targets closer, start from there. Also we’re going to have to put an end to the swearing. I''ve never raised a child before …” Akio immediately grouses vehemently at the use of the word ‘child’, Alex continuing to talk over him. “... But I''m pretty sure you''re not supposed to be allowed to swear.” She finishes, her voice much louder than when she started.


    She moves Akio a few steps toward the table, hands firm on his clothed shoulders. His grumbling is in full force now. “--I am a hundred and thirty-eight, I’ll have you know!” He croaks.


    “You’ll always be a child to me.” Akio seethes, she trudges on. “Besides you look fifteen. I''m not saying that''s a bad thing, obviously you have excellent genes. But, to the outside world, I''m going to look like a horrible person if I just let you about, cursing unhinged.”


    Akio mutters indistinctly under his breath, the slumping of his shoulders visualizing his reluctant concession. Alex gives him an encouraging pat, gesturing to the spare bullets strewn about the wooden tabletop. “Reload the gun.”


    “I don''t know how to do that.” Akio says, a hint of discontent still present.


    “You''re one hundred and thirty-eight, you don''t know how to load a gun?” She asks befuddled.


    “Technically, I''m turning a hundred and thirty-nine this year.” He corrects.


    Alex crosses her arms, head shaking in even deeper bewilderment. “I don''t see how that is helping your case.”


    “I’ve never had the need to load one before, alright?”


    “Right. You poor, sheltered bread bun, you.” She taunts, “But I loaded that gun right in front of you.”


    Akio offers a small shrug. “I didn''t know you wanted me to pay attention.”


    “Why the fuck else would I load it in front of you, when I could have just handed it to you loaded?”


    He flinches at the thunderous tone, arms coming up to wrap around his torso. And Alex has the strenuous task of stopping herself from apologizing. It was for his own good.


    “Okay, the swearing rule has to go both ways.” He rallies after a slight step away from her. “It''s not pleasant when someone else says it to you, knowing you can''t say it right back.” He stammers out, looking a bit torn between seeing things through and simply bolting. Bolting was out of the question, he wouldn''t get very far on his own.


    “Focus Akio!” Alex smacks her hand against the table, jostling everything on it and him. “Load the gun.”


    “Alex, I''m telling you I don''t know how to!” He yells, rearing back instantly at his own ferocity. Perhaps he wasn''t completely a lost cause yet.


    Alex surveys him for a couple of moments, numerous strategies to ensure his continued survival flitting through her mind. She pushes off her tilt on the table, stepping into his space, just a hair''s breadth away from his face to stare the fear of herself into his eyes. He whines low in his throat, she doubts it was intentional.


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    “You''re not coming in, until you''ve loaded that gun, and shot down at least one bottle.” She points, Akio following her pointer finger to the glass bottles still sat untouched on the low wall where they were propped.


    She smiles sadistically as he gulps loud, only turning to leave once she''s certain her words had gotten through to his understanding.


    “Wait, where are you going?” Akio asks, in some fit of masochism or fear of being abandoned.


    “Inside.” She answers, putting distance between them. “To have a meal.”


    “I''m hungry too.” He whispers, it was not his fault she could hear him.


    “You are?” She sees him flinch at the fact that she did hear. “Well you better get to shooting then. No bullet through a bottle, no food. And if you cheat, I''ll know.” She turns to continue her walk away.


    “This has to be some form of Child Abuse.” He laments to himself.


    She was definitely too far away to have heard that one normally. Then again no one had ever accused her of being subtle.


    “You''re almost a hundred and thirty-nine!” Shey ells back without turning.


    She would let him come up with theories of how she was able to hear his borderline internal monologue from almost 12 feet away.


    <hr>


    Akio discreetly wipes–what realizes belatedly is a drop of blood off his nose with his sleeves. Thanking whatever deity was responsible for him choosing a dark colored jacket today. He retracts his hands from the sides of Alex''s head with a silent hiss, allowing the purple glow in his palms to fade.


    He had been at this futilely for half an hour–the inconspicuous booth they had chosen at the far end of the restaurant granting him cover from prying eyes.


    The empty plates on their table in front of him mock his ineffectiveness, Alex''s presence itself the only thing stopping him from blasting the ceramic to irreconcilable bits.


    “Did you fall asleep back there?” Alex tilts sideways to glance up at him. Just then reminding him he had been stood behind her for an uncomfortable while now.


    “Have you ever heard of a Brain Hemorrhage?” He asks, the only thing he had been able to diagnose in the wasted 30 minutes.


    “Oh, I caused a couple of those back in the day. Heyyo!” Alex remarks in some twisted form of nostalgia. Reaching a hand out for him to meet in a high five.


    He fixes her with his best icy stare. Rolling his eyes when she instead slaps her other hand against her rejected one in a self high five.


    “Yes I know what it means.” She says after her general display of mild insanity. “Please continue.”


    Akio returns to his seat.


    “You had that sometime last night. You''re lucky your blood vessels can regenerate themselves.” He tells her, eternally grateful for her regenerative abilities.


    “What do you suppose could''ve caused it?” She says after a moment.


    “I don''t know. Did you hit your head?”


    “Nothing that could realistically cause me a brain bleed.” she drums her fingers on the table. “Chris did say there was a strange weather thing that night.”


    Whatever it was probably didn''t get to Jersey. “I didn''t notice.”


    She shrugs. “Me neither, but I''ll look into it.”


    “Please get on it as soon as possible.” He says, “I''d really appreciate it if you didn''t die.”


    He watches a grin stretch slowly across her face, instantly regretting his audible show of concern.


    “Aw, you''re worried about me?” She is smiling maniacally now, all teeth and very little substance.


    “I''m not worried about you. Do you know how long it''ll take me to find a new ... long-lasting person I can actually stand?” He says, eyes darting to and fro. “The ones I already know are total prisses. Also there''s Chris who of course who would be devastated.”


    Alex simply raises an eyebrow, grin not abating in the slightest. She snags a fork from the table, gesturing rapidly with it. “Look at that crinkle between your brows. That''s your ‘worried’ crinkle.”


    He scoffs. He did not have a crinkle. He had checked this morning. “I don''t have a crinkle, I barely age–”


    A waiter clears his throat noisily beside them, prompting them to turn to him.


    “--thanks to proper … uh …” he clears his throat, mind working overdrive for an excuse. “Skin care.”


    Alex snickers evilly to the consternation of the waiter. Akio tosses his napkin at her to get her to stop. Of course she catches it neatly.


    The waiter turns to him instead, rightfully flagging her as a lost cause. “Will you and your wife be needing anything else, sir?”


    Akio sighs. He was doing so well. “She’s my sister.” He corrects, to Alex’s growing amusement.


    “No love, that''ll be all.” She interjects. “Check please.”


    The waiter gives a little bow before leaving.


    “Why do you never correct people when that happens?” He asks as soon as the young man is out of earshot.


    “And miss that horrified look on your face? My only regret is the fact that you weren''t mid swallow when he said it.” She muses.


    He purposely takes a sip of his wine, flipping her off with his free hand.


    She raises a brow. “Moved to Jersey and lost your manners, I see.”


    “Like you''re any better.” he replies, finger still set in the offensive gesture.


    “At least I don''t display obscene gestures in expensive 5 star restaurants.” She tilts her head towards a table where a woman is glaring daggers at him.


    He sheepishly retracts his finger with a soft curse. Alex cackles.


    “Dickhead.”


    “Stew about it.”


    “Shut up.” He relaxes in his seat. “When are you leaving?”


    “Tomorrow. Right now, I need a cold shower and Netflix.” She rests an elbow on the table, free hand twirling the fork about.


    He hums. “And sleep?”


    “I''ll take whatever it gives me.” She says. “Funny enough, yesterday was the best sleep I''ve had in 2500 years. Brain hemorrhaging aside.”


    His eyebrows scrunch in concern, not at all caring if Alex decides to mock him for it again.


    “Call me if anything changes. I don''t care what time it is, if there''s a problem, call.”


    Alex opens her mouth to reply, but the waiter arrives with the check. Akio clocks the admiration with which he now looks at Alex. What in the body snatchers?


    “Halfsies?” He asks, eyes darting dubiously to the excited waiter as he reaches in his pocket for his wallet. Alex bats him away.


    “Nah, I pulled you out of work, I got it.” She retrieves the appropriate number of bills from her wallet, laying them neatly on the table.


    “You''re Alex Jordan aren''t you?” The waiter addresses her, after having vibrated enough.


    “Yes, I am.” Alex answers hesitantly.


    “I love your book.” He says, eyes blinking rapidly in awe.


    Alex shoots him a genuine smile. “Thank you.”


    “My boyfriend and I read it every night. It helps our sex drive.” The man barrages, not caring in the slightest when Akio chokes on his drink.


    Alex''s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “It''s a fictional biography about a demigod?” She asks. There goes Akio''s hope of her putting an end to this unorthodox line of discussion.


    “Oh I know.” The waiter perks up. “We actually like to role play–”


    “Okay son,” Since the honors had fallen to Akio– “T-M-I.”


    The waiter shoots him a spiteful glare, promptly returning his focus to Alex.


    “Can I get an autograph?” He asks.


    Alex obliges, patting herself down in search for a pen. “Uh, I don''t–”


    “I have a pen. I''ll be back in a bit.” He scurries away from the table, bills in hand.


    “I think I forgot to tip.” Alex muses out loud.


    “Typical Alex, saving people''s sex lives.” He leans over to Alex side of the table to retrieve his balled up napkin.


    “I am confused as hell, but overall happy to help.”


    Akio chuckles softly, dabbing the spilled drink off him. His gratitude for the dark jacket increases.


    “Oh look,” Alex looks bereft, “you finally choked and I couldn''t even enjoy it.”


    The waiter appears beside them with a pen, and a very worn copy of Alex''s book.


    “Oh, you weren''t kidding about reading it every night.” Akio angles his head at the dog-eared pages.


    “It is a good read.” He says sheepishly, and Akio’s gaze flit over the man. “Almost like it''s told from a first hand experience.”


    Alex clears her throat noisily, plucking the outstretched pen to sign the book. Akio folds his lips, biting back a smile, watches her hand the pen and signed book back to the young man.


    “Sorry about mistaking both of you for a couple earlier.” He accepts the book, cradling it to his chest.


    “It''s no problem at all.” She leaves a few extra notes than is necessary on the table. “I forgot to tip that time.” She explains to the wide eyed waiter, lifting off her seat with a small smile.


    “Th-Thank you.” The man stammers out dumbfounded, reaching to swipe the bills as soon as they leave the table.


    Alex deeply inhales the crisp night air, face upturned to the moon. There was a 37% chance Akio would forgo the little incident from the restaurant, and grant her the much needed moment of silence she had been searching for since the Ice Cream incident.


    She could already hear him chuckling to himself as they weaved through the parked cars towards his own.


    “So, first hand experience?” He says as soon as they spot his BMW. She sighs, dismissing her wishful thinking.


    “For the record, that book was your idea.”


    Akio leans over the roof of the car. “Your diary was sitting there–”


    “I do not own a diary–”


    His voice gets louder. “Your diary was sitting there gathering dust, its pages crumbling each time you picked it up. You should be thanking me for keeping your memoirs alive.” He finishes, pointer finger wagging at her.


    “And now people are reading it to get off, apparently.” She jostles the door handle, which for some reason is still locked.


    “Alexandria Jessica Jordan. Sex Therapist.” He fiddles with the car key, sinister smile dancing across his face.


    “That''s not my name.” She jiggles the door handle even harder, eyebrows flying up in allusion to the still locked door.


    “You don''t like it?” He asks, pretending not to see or hear her request. Alex lets her forehead drop to the roof of the car with a thud.


    “I will find you a middle name that you appreciate.” He promises, the chirp signalling an open door, music to Alex''s ears.


    She enters swiftly, seat belt already buckled by the time Akio is sliding in in turn.


    “By the way I need to call Chris, he is going to love this story.” He says, his own seatbelt clicking into place.


    “I''m never going to live this down, am I?” She asks, the cool hum of the car engine sending tingles down her spine.


    “Not as long as we''re alive, no. And we''re immortal, Alex.” Akio cackles briefly. Then. “Your hotel?”


    “Yes please.”


    The car screeches in place, before jolting out of the parking lot, into the quiet road.


    <hr>


    1788 …


    “Stupid gun!” Akio screams in frustration as he misses yet again another target.


    He lifts his hand to his head, allowing the length of the gun barrel to rest along the side of his head. If he could crack even one bottle, he was going to pack it up and call it a day.


    “Good practice?” He hears from behind and whirls swiftly, gun poised to fire at a moments notice. He exhales when he sees it''s only Alex.


    “Are you crazy?” He asks. “You don''t sneak up on someone holding a gun, I could have shot you!” He wiggles the contraption in her face, articulating the point.


    “Sure.” Alex snorts derisively, crossing her hands behind her. “Progress report.”


    “I loaded the gun, almost shot myself in the foot, and have been firing at glass bottles for 4 hours now!” He lists angrily.


    Alex raises a brow at him, eyes skating to the untouched bottles on the wall, then back to him.


    “No, you''ve been firing at something, I don''t know what, but it''s definitely not those bottles.”


    “This is amusing to you?” Akio''s eyes narrow in challenge, and he swears he sees a brief flicker of pride flash through her face. There one second, gone the next.


    “You have no idea.” She says combatively, and snatches the gun from him.


    Eyes never straying from his own, she fires two shots at the targets without looking. The loud smashes that follow after both shots, implying success.


    Her trigger finger spins the gun fluidly, stopping abruptly with the grip hanging out at Akio. Damn she was good.


    “Now you''re just showing off.” In his defense, he never said he was going to tell her.


    “Look. You''re thinking too much.” She says. “Just point and shoot.”


    Did she just–? “What do you think I''ve been doing the past 6 hours?!”


    “I thought it was 4?”


    “Who cares, Alexandria?!”


    “Alex.” She corrects, “And, I do. A little bit. Someday firing a gun might be the only thing keeping you from living your very long … immortal, fruitful–I don''t know–life.”


    “Come on, take the gun.” She jerks it towards him, and he takes it.


    “Just let it all out.” She breathes deeply, gesturing for him to do the same. “Whatever it is that you have all twisted up in knots inside you, let it out.” He inhales and exhales with her. “Now point at those bottles and put a hole through them.”


    Akio takes another deep breath, aims at a target and fires.


    The bullet whizzes forward almost in slow motion, grazing the side of a bottle. It stumbles, tipping over for a bit, before landing back in its original position.


    Alex shrugs. “I call improvement.”


    “Oh, come on!” Akio tosses the gun to the floor.


    It goes off, the bullet hitting a shovel leaning beside a shed–ricocheting back to smash through one of the bottles and hit Alex square in the forehead.


    Alex falls to the floor hard. Stiff and glass eyed. Dead.


    Akio drops to his knees on the floor beside her immediately, cradling her lifeless head in his lap.


    “Oh God! No, no, no, no, no. Alex. Hey, hey.” He flinches at the gun beside them, reaching for it and tossing it far away from reach.


    “Please don''t leave me.” Akio buries his face and begins to sob.


    The bullet pops out of her head, clattering to the ground. The injury stitching closed as it exits.


    She wakes up with a gasp. Dracula style, startling the living shit out of Akio.


    “Jesus!” He scrambles away from her, kicking up a sandstorm.


    Her hand flies to the spot on her head where a bloody hole should be.


    “Ooooooooooow!” She yowls, fingers prodding at the bloody, but otherwise unblemished spot.


    “What is going on!” Akio yells in fear, hands flying up to shield himself from her, “How are you alive?!”


    Alex twists to face him, only just realizing his presence. She glowers furiously. “The bloody bottles were the target, not my face!


    “How the hell is this happening?!”


    “You tell me, you shot me!” Alex yells back, fury ebbing away once she takes in the panicked look on his face.


    “Are you crying?” She asks.


    “Yes! Yes, I’m crying! You died!” Akio screams at her.


    “No I didn''t.” She says calmly. And Akio can''t help the deranged laughter that escapes him.


    “There was a bullet in your forehead, I''m pretty sure you did.” He pants, chest rising and falling heavily.


    Alex looks to the side for a bit, lips pursed in a thoughtful pout. “Oh, well.” She lifts up the dirt, swiping off as much of it as she can off her clothes. Akio stares poleaxed.


    “That''s it? That''s all you have to say on the issue?” He asks, confused at the sudden exasperation settling in him.


    Alex halts her intense swiping to squint at him. “I''m sorry you thought I died?” She has the gall to look bewildered. Her gaze shifts to the bottle debris on the floor. “Oh look, you hit one. Dinner time.”


    Akio rankles at the blasé way she says it, lips lifting to an angry curl.


    If he hadn''t been the one who shot her, he would have called bullshit on the entire thing, based on how nonchalant she was being about her very recent death!


    “Just forget the damn bottle, Alex!” He stands to his feet, arms crossed resolutely. “I think I at least deserve an explanation.”


    A beat where they both stare unwavering at each other, neither choosing to back down first.


    To Akio''s surprise, he wins, Alex finally turning away from the staredown with a sigh.


    “Can I explain inside?” She says, “At least there''s food in there.”


    “Fuck you, Alex.” He blurts at her before storming past her towards the house.


    The echo of her exuberant laughter causes some sort of relief to wash over him, as does the next thing she yells after him.


    “Ah, we''re not supposed to use that kind of language anymore!”