Fucking trolls.


    Never liked them in my pre-castle days when they would post stupid shit online, and I certainly didn’t like them now, with one chasing after me through medieval courtyards, my life on the line.


    Each breath burned in my lungs, like I was inhaling a thousand glowing embers from a billowing fire. Pressed against the wall, I tried to remain silent. I slid my back across the coarse stones, preparing to look around the corner to see if the filthy creature had found me.


    With deep breaths, I readied myself and tried to subdue the disbelief welling in my brain. How the hell was I fighting a troll? Well, running for my damn life and trying to avoid being smeared across the floor like human-jelly by its giant club was more precise.


    All I wanted was to look around that corner and see that I had lost the bastard.


    This turn that I had hid in was a dead end, but I couldn’t exactly go running back out the other way without the troll seeing me. Waist-high weeds filled my end of the courtyard, pushing their way up through the broken stone floor in sporadic clumps.


    I ducked down and leaned out from behind the wall. A patch of dense thistle provided cover and offered me a clear view.


    As I inched my head forward, I first saw a shadow. At the far side of the courtyard, the dark shape moved, the ground shook, and then the troll was there – its hulking shape filling my vision.


    Even with its severely hunched-over posture, the beast still stood at double my height. A cold beam of blue light from above flowed across its form, highlighting several details. Black, undulating lips with deep cracks rolled over its glistening teeth. Scars covered most of its light-gray skin in a sporadic array of uneven strips, while blackish-gray pigment spread out across its face and hands.


    Damn. What an ugly fuck.


    I squinted and inspected the large, squared-off silhouettes protruding from the beast’s back. They looked like small bridges. Sticking out on the right, rounded stones held together with thick mortar formed the unmistakable flat top and arched bottom of what had to be a bridge. Two more, each the size of a small car, sat in the center of its back, hewn from rough, wooden beams.


    I’d heard of trolls hiding under bridges and charging tolls to cross them, but carrying their own around? That’s new. The troll’s skin had grown up and around part of the rocks and beams, as if they’d been placed there centuries ago and were in the process of becoming permanently incorporated into the creature’s body.


    Why the hell were there bridges growing on its back? Regardless, they made the thing look even uglier.


    His arms hung down low, wrists almost at his ankles, and its right hand grasped what I had originally thought was a club. Now, I could easily tell that it was another bridge. Splintered wood hung from its end, smashed to pieces from when the bastard had tried to pulverize me with it moments ago.


    The troll snorted, then advanced in my direction. Each step of its thick, stumpy feet shook the ground, and its low, heavy exhales reverberated through my body, shaking my organs as it moved closer.


    After another step forward, the troll stopped, then turned its head side-to-side, obviously trying to figure out where I’d gone. If it kept coming this way, it would be on top of me in a few seconds. I had to make a move, but needed to time it at a moment when he’d be least likely to see me.


    When that time came, I had to be ready. What were my options? We were apparently inside of a castle or a fortress of some sort. The surrounding courtyard boasted stone walls that stretched upwards at slight angles, stopping just beyond the height of the troll’s head. Around the perimeter, several shallow corridors and other architectural features offered a handful of places to hide, but nothing that led away from the enclosed space.


    The troll wasn’t fast, but inside the walled off area, I couldn’t outrun it. I would have to rely on my agility. I looked down at my feet... and realized that if I did have to evade it, I’d likely be fucked.


    I’d completely forgotten about these loose-fitting, medieval shoes. I still couldn’t fully comprehend how they had got there, but running in them was going to be difficult. I lifted my right foot and shook my leg, sending the elongated, up-curved tip at the front of my footwear into a frenzied jiggle.


    As much as I would have liked to, however, I had not forgotten about my stupid purple tights. I lowered my leg, and was once again meant by the sensation of coarse, stretched fabric pressing against my crotch.


    I reached down and tugged at the tights. When I released my grip, it sent the cloth snapping back into place.


    Now was not the time to mourn the loss of practical clothing, or figure out the specifics of how I had ended up half-clad in medieval garb. That would have to wait.


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    I needed to turn my attention back to the advancing troll. It couldn’t have been more than twenty paces away at this point, or more like ten of its longer strides.


    Heavy breaths exhaled from its mouth, violently swirling as they passed over its teeth. Flaps of dried skin flanked the deep creases on its lips and they vibrated in unison with each exhale.


    I still couldn’t convince myself that any of this was real. Could that troll kill me?


    Without risking my life, I needed to figure this out. I dug my heels into the ground, ready to bolt into a nearby passageway as soon as my brain said the word, go.


    A loud growl escaped the troll’s mouth, then a putrid odor filled my surroundings. I put my hand to my nose, hoping to block out that rancid smell.


    I flexed my knees to make sure they were ready to move.


    The troll’s breathing grew louder, along with the scratching and knocking sounds of its weapon dragging across the floor. The intensity of that shitty smell increased, too. A few more steps and the troll would be right next to me.


    My mind filled with images of that beast finding me and tearing me to shreds between beatings with that fucking bridge. None of my military training at the academy had set me up to fight monsters.


    I took a step back, trying to get my body as close to the wall as possible. As my foot came down, something crunched beneath my heel. When I lifted my foot, the flattened head of a small rat that I had just unintentionally pulverized lay pressed into the ground, seeping blood.


    The words Two XP rose up, red and glowing. They pulsed three times, then disappeared.


    “The hell?”


    In a desperate, last-ditch effort to stay alive, I dislodged my deep wedgie from the damn purple tights, then managed to push myself away from the wall. Each step was less staggered than the last, and soon I was racing toward the passageway at the far end of the courtyard, my heart pounding in my ears.


    The troll’s roars echoed in my head. Based on how pissed it sounded, the thing must have spotted me.


    I stumbled but recovered, glancing over my shoulder to see that the troll was staring right at me, furious.


    The troll lifted its head to the sky and released another blood-curdling roar.


    That did it. Seeing how terrifying that creature was and feeling my ears nearly explode at its outburst, startled me into action.


    While the troll was busy screaming, I managed to push myself to my feet, scrambling to get out of there before ducking into another alcove. Behind me, a wrought iron gate stood ajar. It leaned at a substantial slant and its bent metal-work looked like something large had run halfway through it. Several of the vertical iron rods lay broken off and scattered on the ground.


    I grabbed the one with the sharpest tip, then flattened my back against the wall and waited. I had a weapon... kind of.


    Boom. Boom. Boom.


    The troll’s footsteps echoed out as it headed straight toward me. When its massive foot came into view—a foot with each toe the size of my fist—I thrust the sharp end of the rod directly into the creature’s big toe, twisted, then swung my arms forward like I was shooting a hockey puck. Flesh ripped and bones separated. The troll howled as it turned its attention to the mostly severed toe. I had stabbed it right at the joint, directly where the appendage attached to its foot. Only a thin fiber of flesh remained, holding the toe in place.


    The beast still held the bridge-club in its right hand but used its left to reach down and snatch its mostly detached toe. With a quick yank, the strand of flesh snapped, and a sinister grin crept across the creature’s face. Wind whirled in the courtyard, then a swirling green gas surrounded the troll’s wound up to its ankle, momentarily obstructing it from view. As the gas thinned, it took the shape of the troll’s toe. Then it changed color and texture to match the missing appendage in every way. I blinked. The wound was gone. The toe had been... completely regenerated.


    All I could think was, Holy shit.


    After a deep grunt, the troll laughed, then narrowed its eyes in my direction. With the bend of its arm, the bastard flicked its severed toe at me. The appendage took a slow arch through the air and bounced off my head.


    Oww. Dammit. Even that hurt.


    I pushed myself backwards across the clumps of grass growing in the stone courtyard and shook my head. How was I supposed to beat this thing when it could regrow parts?


    The troll swung the bridge down with all the finesse of a demolition site wrecking ball. I ducked, then rolled to my left just in time to avoid the impact. Wooden shards flew into the air, and what remained of the bridge crumbled in the beast’s hand. After tossing aside the remnants, the troll reached for its back and yanked on another bridge. This one was stone. Skin tore, and hung in loose shreds as the bridge separated from its resting place. The beast gritted its teeth, eerily smiling at the pain, allowing long strands of drool to fall from its frothing mouth.


    Shit-shit-shit.


    I was about to die, clubbed to death by a giant troll with my hand smashed into my ass because I was pulling out another wedgie from my Goddamn purple tights.


    Images of my life didn’t so much flash before my eyes as tear into my brain–shooting pain accompanied dizziness and memories of my little bro laughing as he played his games, me and my friends enjoying drinks nearby and wondering what it was that got him so enticed in those digital worlds. Then there were the dinners we all shared with our adoptive mother, and the way she had taught us to fight for those who couldn’t fight for themselves.


    An unexpected sigh left my mouth and I thought, Maybe open casket funerals are overrated.


    The troll extended its arms to full length, ready to bring the bridge down on me. My brain kicked into overdrive, trying to unravel the mystery of how I had ended up in this bizarre, nightmare of a land. How had it come to this?


    Especially since, not half an hour earlier, I was enjoying the moist deliciousness of a Ho-Ho while walking across the base on my way to the training arena, like I’d done countless times before.