“Lena, dear! There’s another scratch on the table.”
The old man’s voice carries through the small, cluttered workshop, bouncing off the walls lined with half-finished furniture and the scent of sawdust. He stands near the workbench, squinting at Table with a mix of dismay and resignation, running a weathered hand over the fresh scratch marring its surface. Outside, just past the open door, Lena kneels by her tiny herb garden—a modest collection of potted basil, rosemary, and a few struggling mint plants, humming to herself.
Rob, still dressed in his work clothes—sturdy canvas pants and a long-sleeved shirt rolled to his elbows—pauses mid-step. His boots track in dirt from the lumberyard, and his shirt is already stained with dust, sweat, and something that suspiciously resembles tree sap. He frowns, dragging a hand down his face before trudging over.
Rob leans in, inspecting the damage. His expression darkens. “That blasted cat.” The words barely leave the Rob’s mouth before the true culprit strikes again.
Tabby, the absolute gremlin of a cat, launches himself off Table’s surface—right in front of Rob’s eyes—using him as a springboard with a full-force kick of his back paws. The impact rattles Table’s entire frame, and in that moment, he swears he feels his soul leave his wooden body.
Rob reacts immediately. “Oi! Get back here, you little—”
He lunges. The old man follows.
Tabby, of course, is already five steps ahead, zipping around the room. Rob nearly trips over a stool. The old man fumbles mid-grab, pushing Rob as he has just balanced himself. Rob’s foot swings directly into Table’s newly reinforced leg.
Thud.
“AGH—!” Rob stumbles back, grabbing his foot. “Bloody—why is this thing so solid? Who did this?” Then he shuts up as he remembers he’s the one who did it.
Table, meanwhile, screams internally.
[HP: 6 → 5]
One HP. Gone. For nothing.
It would take him four whole hours to recover, based on previous experience. Four hours of pure suffering, knowing that his only enemy, his greatest nemesis, would not be punished.
Tabby skids to a stop, tail flicking, and dares—dares—to sit just out of reach, licking his paw in mocking satisfaction.
Tabby has been the bane of his existence. The feline menace has scratched him, sneezed on him, slept on him like he was some second-rate mattress, and worst of all—completely ignored him. All for zero stat gain.
Of course, even the most maniac creatures in the realm need rest. Tabby is now curled up on his surface, tail twitching as he dozes off, blissfully unaware of the vengeance brewing beneath him.
This cat is gonna get it. For all the sufferings he’s brought me.
With all his might, Table attempts to move his surface—just a tiny shake, a nudge, a whisper of motion.
Nothing happens.
Tabby snores.
Table grits his metaphorical teeth.
Again.If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
He concentrates, summoning all the raw power his newly gained stats allow. This time, he swears he feels something—a minute vibration, a microscopic shift—
Tabby stretches, adjusts slightly… and keeps sleeping.
What?
HELLO? EXCUSE ME? CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE TREMBLING BENEATH YOU?
Table tries one last time, putting every fiber of his wooden being into motion.
A single, imperceptible tremor.
Tabby flicks his ear. Scratches his nose. Keeps. Sleeping.
Table internally howls. What was the point of all that training if he can''t even disturb a cat?
No. No, he refuses to accept this failure. He will train harder. This is just one small pebble on his quest to become the best piece of furniture in all the lands.
But then—
Ding.
A faint, almost imperceptible noise echoes in the void of his mind. It carries the same weight as an ancient tome being opened for the first time, as if reality itself has decided to grant him a gift.
NEW SKILL UNLOCKED: APPRAISE
Before he can even process what that means, his vision—or whatever approximation of sight a table can possess—flickers. A translucent panel materializes before him, hovering just above his surface.
┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 99.9817%" border="1">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Target name</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Tabby</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Species</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Domestic Menace</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">HP</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">158/160</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">STR</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">???</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">AGI</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">???</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">DEX</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">???</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">INT</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">???</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">END</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">???</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">PER</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">???</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Passive Skills</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">
Nine Lives, One Attitude – Minor injuries regenerate over time.
Feline Grace – Cannot be caught. Ever.
Owner’s (Specifically Lena) Favorite – Gains invulnerability when being watched by humans.
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Table stares.
Tabby, curled up smugly on his surface, lets out a soft, contented sigh in his sleep. His tail twitches. His fur is pristine, unbothered, untouchable.
How the hell does this tiny creature have stats I don’t have? And it has 160 Max HP? And I have 6?!
Wait a minute. What happened to the missing 2 HP?
A slow, dawning realization creeps over Table.
Did he? Had his minuscule vibrations actually done something?
It wasn’t much. Not even noticeable to the naked eye. But it was there. A microscopic dent in the feline’s overwhelming power.
A thrill courses through him. He can hurt the cat.
Oh, Tabby. You are no longer invincible.
<table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 99.9817%" border="1">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Name</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Table</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Race</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Animated Furniture (Table)</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Class</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">None</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Level</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">1</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">EXP</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">5/10</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">HP</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">5/6</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">MP</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">STR</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">2</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">END</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">5</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">AGI</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">14</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">PER</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">4</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Skills</td>
<td style="width: 48.9863%">Appraisal</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>