Chapter 28


    I’d known my core was going to break. Emma had told me that much. But apparently she’d forgotten to mention what exactly that would entail. She’d laid out the process as simple for the cultivation and ascension. Your core would break, and then you’d have to forcefully condense all of the raw mana into a brand-new core, while continually soul breathing as it got tighter and tighter within you until that new core formed.


    Maybe, for someone with a normal core, that process was rather self-explanatory. When your core was only the size of a quarter, shattering it, and then condensing that raw mana and forcing it to take shape until a new core formed, was probably a pretty damn easy process.


    When your core was your entire body, and it shattered… well… that was a whole different rodeo. And I was not prepared.


    I felt about as in control as a leaf atop a raging river. My focus was pulled a thousand different ways, as the pure mana within me rapidly fought to escape its confines. Without the boundaries of my core to hold it together, the mana quickly tried to tear itself free. I could feel the water of the bath actually bubbling from the sheer amount of mana that was seeping from my skin, and I had to wonder what I must look like. Was the mana visible? Did it have an affinity?


    Those thoughts were fleeting. Pain threatened to overwhelm me, and panic clawed at my throat, making my soul-breathing shudder. It took all my mental fortitude not to pass out. How the hell was I supposed to wrangle the mana at the same time?


    I didn’t have time to contemplate though. Didn’t have time to second guess myself, or time to let doubt fill myself. Failure wasn’t an option. The mana within me may be untamed for now, but that was only temporary. The fleeting moment of freedom it had gained when my core had shattered was over. The mana within me, the mana I’d spent days drawing in, holding confined, belonged to me. I just needed to make it aware of that fact.


    Gritting my teeth I fought through the pain. I focused again on my visual image of myself. I could see my body, floating in nothingness. Normally alit with all the colors of the various elements, it shone a bright white. The edges that made up the outline of my body where frayed, and it looked to my inner eye that I were like a shimmering star. The light pulsed everywhere from my body, shining in the darkness around it, seeping into the unknown. Already, the center of my body was growing dark, a small black pinhole of emptiness, as more mana fled my body than was put in through my soul-breathing.


    “Gotta plug the holes first.” I said aloud, coaching myself through the process. I pressed my will down upon myself, imagining what I wanted. All of the shimmering mana pulsed, fighting against my will. For a long moment, my mind and the will of the energy within me clashed. I could feel it pushing against me, wishing for freedom. No… that wasn’t right.


    As the mana and my mind struggled back and forth, I realized the mana didn’t want freedom. It wanted purpose. To belong to something. The raw mana was just that. It was raw, and formless. It existed, waiting, for someone to use it. To give it shape, and function. I could do that.


    With monumental force I slammed my will into the mana. First and foremost, I created a mental wall around myself, doing all I could to rebuild the walls of my core. I focused my attention my body, shoring up the outlines of my form, giving myself a solid shape and boundary. After who knew how long, as my shuttering breaths stabilized, the river of mana fleeing my body slowed. As I put mental damns around my entire body, the mana steadied, crashing into the walls, before pooling within.


    Another breath, and then another, as the stalemate between myself and the mana drew out. I could keep it at bay, but couldn’t yet give it a purpose. More breaths, and I saw the dark whole within my center begin to fill. Even more breaths, and finally, the raw mana glowed throughout my entire form, without a single empty space.


    “Good,” I muttered, as I felt a bead of sweat drop down my skin. Whether from exertion, or the bath, I didn’t know. I couldn’t care either, because I had to finish this task. With a better understanding of the mana, I felt I could do just that. Though hells, was I tired. Pain continued to throb, and the mana wasn’t making this easy. It crashed against the barriers I’d erected, and as I pulled in more mana with each breath, I could feel the pressure building once more. I couldn’t spare more than another single breath for reprieve, before I’d need to take the next step.


    “Slowly,” I whispered as I took in a large breath, steadying it just as Randal had taught me. I filled my mind with my instructor, remembering all the lessons he’d taught me. There was no doubt in my mind that he’d intended to teach me this process. That he’d planned to share with me all the secrets of mana and cultivation that he knew as a former US Marshal. And I knew, he believed in me. The earth mana user had always been firm and reliable, not one to mince words, and yet, a supportive force that was both rough, and nurturing. He’d been a solid, reliable rock I could trust, and in the end, I’d let him down. Because I’d been weak.


    Fire stirred within at the thought, as I used my anger, my frustration, to bear down on the walls I’d built within. The raw mana wanted a purpose, I could give it that. A tinge of red sparked in my mental image, as I pushed the walls inwards, inch by inch, working to condense the raw mana, just as Emma had instructed.


    This was my power. With that thought, more red shimmered, reinforcing the walls I’d built. The power to kill, the power to avenge. More red, like kindling finally catching. My anger was the spark, my past, the fuel.


    I redoubled my efforts as I took in another breath. I couldn’t fuel the process with just anger though. Randal had taught me as much. Anger was a powerful emotion, but also, a dangerous one. Losing oneself in a fit of rage could lead to foolish, and often deadly, accidents. I held the raw mana within my lungs as I thought about Randal, as I pictured his face. Calm, steady, reliable. Like a weathered mountain. Life had thrown a lot at him, but he’d withstood the storm. I, too, needed that power.


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    Like roots sprouting following the first rain of spring, tendrils of green intertwined within my mind, as the raw mana sensed my intention. It laced throughout my burning passion, finding purchase in gaps within my mental walls, before reinforcing them. What started as tendrils like the roots of a budding tree, turned solid, creating a rocky wall of force and intention, which drove the rest of the raw mana within my body inwards even more.


    Each breath came easier now, as I felt the will of the raw mana clashing against my newly enforced boundaries. Brighter and brighter the pure mana within glowed, as it continued to condense and intensify. The reds and greens of the mana that had joined with my will, also grew brighter and brighter, as more of the raw mana took on the aspects of my will that had called it.


    Even still, I wasn’t done. My mental core had drawn back in past the confines of my skin, at the very least, but still sat dangerously near my flesh. I could condense it more. I could drive it further within. According to Emma, I’d need to condense the mana until a new core formed itself. Right now, I knew one hadn’t. I was building the walls, but it was just an outline of intent. The mana hadn’t stabilized, and my new core, wasn’t yet formed. It needed more.


    With fire and earth mana intermingling within my mind’s eye, I focused on the other two types of mana at my disposal, which hadn’t yet bonded themselves to my will. Or, at least, I figured that was what was happening. I was in uncharted territory, and even with my new understanding of the raw mana itself, wasn’t entirely sure what was happening with this process.


    The thought made a small smile spread on my face, as I realized that was all a part of it. I could be steel with my will, using anger and stubbornness to control some of the mana of the world. But for others, I needed to be flexible. Agile. I needed to be able to adapt on the fly. Versatility, was key, and in that, was my wind mana.


    Clint came to mind, unbidden, as I tried to single out the silvery-purple mana. The man was calm and collected, and yet, I knew, he was always ready to act. Always prepared for any and all situations. He could gun a man down from five hundred yards if need be, or in the same breath, blast someone off their feet with a harmless air round. He embodied, at least to me, the mana that he had an affinity for. There was no force that could stand against him, and at the same time, there was no obstacle he could go around, if he needed. His survival of the Civil War, while the others he’d trained with had perished, was testament to that.


    Clint was a tornado, ready to destroy all that stood against the raw fury of nature, but also, the kind, caring, warm breeze of a summer day, that gently guided you off to sleep for a leisurely nap.


    On cue, the silvery-purple mana invaded my mind, swirling like the wind it was, around the red and green walls that were forming. It spiraled around the walls, creating a cocoon-like web all across from my image of my body. With each breath in, the web helped condense the walls, pushing the raw mana within even closer towards the center of my body. And when I exhaled, the strings of mana stretched, yet held firm.


    Confidence and elation filled me, as I turned my attention to the final mana type. Water.  Calm, collected, compassionate, like a gentle stream. I remembered the cooling, comforting nature of Emma’s mana infused water. It had the ability to wash away weariness and increase the speed with which my body healed, like a refreshing mountain spring.


    Likewise though, water was powerful. It was dangerous and deadly. The calm surface of a lake could betray what lay within. And even more than that, nature knew no destructive force like those of coastal storms. Hurricanes that could level entire cities and drown populations in an instant.


    The water mana was more than just that too though. It was ice. It was cold, in a deadly way. Holiday came to mind, his mana freezing into a solid spike with which he impaled a man. Or the massive chunk of solid ice that Emma’s dynamite had called forth, that leveled the railroad and left a crater filled with water behind.


    Water mana was both natural disaster, and life bringer. And both Emma and Holiday, with their tendencies to seem kind and good natured, while hiding beneath those fronts cold and calculating mannerisms, embodied the element perfectly.


    It was also, I realized, the element that embodied me the least. Even as it felt my intention, even as some of the raw mana within took on the cool blue light of water mana and flowed to join the wall I’d been building, I couldn’t help but wonder at how different I was, from the water users.


    Emma was right. I was simple. Predictable. Quicker to anger than I liked to admit as well. Fire fit me best, hands down. My steadfast nature, my unwavering conviction, coupled perfectly with earth. And my adaptability, my planning, my mental preparations that I took with me to every fight, made wind fit me as well.


    But water? I wasn’t a good person. I wasn’t a healer, or helper, nor did I have a kindhearted nature about me. Which, I suppose, meant the other aspect of water mana called most to me. I was cold blooded killer, through and through, when I needed to be. Sure, I’d fought Pickam with a burning rage, but others, the pointless outlaws I’d gunned down on my path to where I was now. Those had been cold, calculated killings. I’d felt nothing for those people. They were simply steppingstones, on my path towards vengeance. I wasn’t a life-giving spring, but a dark, icy abyss. And I’d make sure any who stood in my way, drowned in the depths of my power.


    That final thought, that final conviction, resounded with the mana within my body. I felt the raw mana pulse as I drew in another breath. The walls pushed forward once more, the fire and stone forged barriers condensing the mana tightly, holding it back as it fought to be freed. The web of air mana closed inwards, wrapping it tightly, sealing the raw mana within. And then, the blue glow of mana pulsed against the silvery-purple, glowing brighter and brighter, as it froze everything in place.


    When I exhaled, I knew it was done. I’d done it. The raw mana no longer pushed against my will. My newly formed core swirled within my body, a sphere of red, green, blue, and silvery-purple that pulsed with an inner light. I tried to delve within, and sensed a great empty depth. My core had formed, yet all of the raw mana that I’d drawn during the trip to Lincoln, was nowhere to be seen. It had all gone to forming the boundaries of my new core, and I could already tell, it would take much longer to refill it.


    Elation filled my body, as I took a new breath. I felt the raw mana flow within, before it disappeared inside my new core. It looked like an egg of light to me, or perhaps, a strangely colored cocoon. Whatever it was, my elation could only keep my exhaustion at bay for a moment longer. As I exhaled my next breath, my mind and body gave in, and I felt myself slump forward.


    The final thought I had, before I lost consciousness, was how strange it was that I no longer felt the water of the tub, only cool air against my naked flesh.