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18: Imitating Normal

    Thursday, March 15.


    The waterfall dream came as a timely reward for surviving these wonderful past days. Against the backdrop of real-life chaos, the peace here felt especially sweet. I''d completely forgotten what it was like not feeling constant threat.


    This time the scenery was incredibly vivid: brilliantly green grass and leaves, an almost blinding sun, turquoise sky and the waterfall''s intensified rush. The beauty brought so much more pleasure now. Was it just luck, or had the dream somehow adapted to my state of mind...?


    Caught up in euphoria, I approached the waterfall''s edge for the first time and jumped. The fall lasted long, but instead of wind resistance I felt only gentle breezes.


    In one moment I slipped softly back-first into the warm water, foam floating on top. For some reason I could still breathe. I started sinking slowly to the bottom, moving away from the sun''s rays. A few times strange deja vu washed over me but quickly faded.


    I wanted to stay swimming here forever... but as usual, the dream began dissolving. In the last second before it vanished, I thought I heard a woman''s voice echo through my consciousness:


    Soon...


    ##


    Awakening comes from the alarm Jane made me set again. Jumping out of bed, I go through the usual routines.


    In the bathroom I examine yesterday''s injured palm and cheek, they only have small scars. Yesterday Jane rubbed some very smelly ointment on the wounds and assured that by morning "everything would be great." They really are barely noticeable... Wonder how I''ll explain them to myself in case of memory erasure?


    After brushing teeth I head to the kitchen. Rob and Sharon will arrive soon, I need to meet them in my usual image.


    Jane''s already gone. Since it''s morning and I''ll be around people, and most participants still don''t know about the observer being gone and are scared shitless of disqualification, she thought it was safe to split up briefly so everything looks normal. Finally get a break from her heavy presence.


    If Jane''s plans seemed deadly dangerous before, this current one is just weird and confusing. Turns out the school''s location makes it a super valuable strategic point for some kind of spectral trap. Jane needs to do four complex rituals at each spot like this, setting up control and some ''barriers.'' The trap will cover part of the city but start off inactive and basically unnoticeable to other participants. This is prep for the final stage when the territory shrinks. I stopped understanding anything around that point and tuned out. I''ll be out of the Game by then anyway.


    The ritual will take all night. To avoid extra strain, Jane decided to naturally come to school and after classes settle in the abandoned wing. Since I must be nearby, she made me message friends and report recovery.


    Plus, even though I didn''t want to, I answered Lily before bed just to be polite. Her last messages were really pitiful, showing some strange desperation. We agreed to skip second period and meet "strictly alone" in the school courtyard, another good spot for cutting class, to sort things out. Figured the abandoned wing wasn''t smart—if we got caught, getting back in would be tough.


    I eat breakfast, get ready and go out on the porch. Besides school stuff, I brought evening food, the Glock and stimulant. Jane said to leave everything else due to difficulty sneaking in and lack of need.


    I would have taken minimal equipment of my own free will. A clear understanding came to me—we have no stability, and all of Jane''s words are just assumptions. I have to take care of my life no less than she does.


    Sharon''s car doesn''t keep me waiting long. Friends are surprised that I have come out for the first time in several months to meet them in person and congratulate me on my recovery. Fortunately, no one notices the scars.


    Talking to Rob is awkward because of that date, so I pretend to be sleepy and as usual lie down in back. Information about Lily can wait.


    After getting out of the car we split up for our business. First period is history, so no tension except—


    "Everything okay?" Jane asks sternly, appearing out of nowhere.


    "Shit!" I''m startled by such suddenness. "You want to lose the bracelet by giving me a heart attack?"


    "So everything''s okay. Don''t mention the bracelet, Game, magic or anything else out loud when in crowded places. As you saw, even I can overlook or miss something or someone between the eyes," she said seriously.


    "What do you mean? Are there participants at school?"


    "Eyes and ears can be anywhere, keep that in mind."


    "Can you not speak in riddles?"


    "That''s all you need to know. At 4 meet at the chemistry room and we''ll start. Until then figure out and be ready to describe the path in detail, I never bothered with things like sneaking into that wing."


    "Always appreciate your politeness and gratitude. Okay, see you."


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    She nods and dissolves into the crowd. If that''s not magic, need to ask her to teach me how to do that. But this annoying lack of explanation... will consider it better for me to be uninformed.


    Suddenly, in my peripheral vision, I notice Zack and his suck-ups in the crowd. After Jane''s humiliation, meeting him clearly promises nothing good, so I quickly head into the building. I have to enjoy this peaceful time to the fullest.


    ##


    The plan didn''t really work: I immediately fell asleep in history and only woke up at end of class. My cell phone already had a reminder about meeting from Lily. I regret answering her a million times, as by now desire to clarify anything has completely vanished. After involvement in the magical world the reason seems funny and absurd.


    However, there is no telling how vindictive she might be if I blow her off. It really is better to have a frank conversation and close the subject.


    After the bell I head to the courtyard. It''s behind the school, closer to the fence. Have to wander nearby all ten minutes of break. Unlike the abandoned wing, this is a popular spot and some jocks with their girlfriends were already sitting there.


    Last year one of those wanted to show off to his friends, deliberately bumped into me in the hallway and demanded apology for "carelessness." All I had was my backpack with a big juice bottle. Pretending to be scared, I quickly pulled out the bottle, hit him in the face with it and started pouring juice on him. Either the hit was painful or he was just stunned by ruined clothes, but he immediately backed off. That incident fully cemented my dislike for them.


    Luckily they weren''t planning to cut class and left closer to the bell. After waiting a while, I move to the entrance... and come around the corner, crashing into Lily. We cry out in sync and rub our bruised faces.


    Well this is going great, flashes through my mind. Knowing her mood...


    "Hah, got lost in thought there, sorry," she says in a friendly way. That reaction lightens the mood.


    "No problem," I wave off, "wasn''t looking where I was going either. Listen—"


    "Let''s go in?"


    I agree. We pass through a small arch and sit on one of the benches arranged around a small fountain. The courtyard is surrounded by various bushes and flowers on all sides, making us invisible.


    Lily nods, waiting for my words. I note that the skirt and t-shirt still suit her much better than the dress. Especially with those shiny burgundy earrings she didn''t have before.


    "I wanted to say..." I stumble as attention is drawn to a fat pigeon that landed nearby and started cooing. I shoo it away with my foot, but my prepared speech... completely fled my head.


    "Yes?" Lily asks again.


    "Yeah yeah, right... Sorry, forgot, you go ahead," I say with an awkward smile.


    The girl rolls her eyes but maintains a charming appearance. Unlike that day, she exudes genuine relaxation, making her more... attractive?


    "John... I understand we parted on bad terms and you have a spoiled impression. Probably also annoyed you with messages during your illness, so—thanks for agreeing to meet," she started softly. "And sorry for everything said and done."


    I recall parting after the shooting range. Due to subsequent events it seems hazy and stands out no more than anything else from that day. And most of her messages I didn''t even read.


    "Lily, don''t stress, I''m not sensitive enough to be traumatized by this. Honestly, a lot has already been forgotten. I don''t have any negative feelings towards you," I admit.


    "Nice to hear, but I still made mistakes and didn''t behave my best. And... I am who I am. So, I want to hear clearly—do you like me or not?"


    While this question stunned me in the music room, now it brings indifference and unwillingness to figure things out.


    "You basically just want someone for one night or just to have fun for a while? Why did you pick me?" I ask perplexed. Meanwhile, I try to ignore that for some reason Lily is becoming more attractive in every way with every passing second, even though nothing about her has changed.


    "It hurts that you think that. Would I fall into such hysterics having such a primitive goal?"


    "But how could I attract you? We literally never talked."


    "Not everything in the world has a rational explanation," the girl laughed. "There are just facts or feelings you can''t do anything about. You either think too little of yourself, or continue worrying what your friend will think."


    "Rob and I have been close friends for many years. It''s natural for me to take his opinion and feelings into consideration."


    "Try abstracting from your friendship, imagine he doesn''t exist. What do you feel?" Lily moved closer and stared into my eyes. Inexplicably I get embarrassed and blush slightly.


    "Well..." I mumble, looking back at her.


    Damn, was she always this pretty? Why didn''t I notice before?


    I can''t help picturing it: regular dates, hanging out at each other''s places, hours of talking, being there for each other. I''d probably teach her to shoot and help with hands-on stuff, while she''d help with my grades and figure out college. Spending holidays together, and even sex... I''ve really never had anything like this.


    I blush harder, not believing all this is really possible. But it must be really awesome...


    "It''s pointless since I can''t remove the Rob factor," I force out, though the girl obviously sees my nervousness.


    "You''re lying," she states confidently. "You just imagined it and liked it. I imagine it too, but the impossibility burns emotionally. I''ve also never had any normal or somewhat sincere relationship. You remember how pleasantly we spent time and that we share views on many things. And we only learned a small part about each other."


    "What do you mean also? You were stalking me after all?"


    "Okay fine, I admit, a little bit. But I don''t call it stalking, rather reasonable reconnaissance. I just tried to learn more for more comfortable communication with you. Does that really matter now?"


    "At the very least, it''s messed up and creepy. And why aren''t you worried these relationships would trash your reputation? Even the jocks don''t try to shake me down for money since they think I''m completely nuts."


    ...or fear Zack, I add in my head.


    "You have this strange idea that relationships have to be shown off. Just because all those popular idiots do it means nothing. Everything can be kept secret, it just adds spice and romance," she smiled flirtatiously. "Well, if showing off at school is really that important to you, we could meet in the abandoned wing—"


    "You''ve got some nerve," I interrupted, gently pushing her away. "Openly asking me to betray my best friend and not even being embarrassed about it. You seriously think that''s supposed to make me trust and sympathize with you?"


    "I''ve told you several times nothing will happen with Rob since you can''t control or direct feelings. Why would he need to know anything? By the way, I have some girlfriends who think he''s cute. If you''re so worried about his broken heart, I can nudge one of them to make the first move."


    At that moment being near Lily turned into physical discomfort from some inexplicable excitement. She seems like the most beautiful person I''ve ever seen in my life.


    "Ah... You''re just... some wild beast," I kept objecting, though such an accusation coming from me is pretty funny.


    "Hahaha, how so? I''m a completely normal girl who doesn''t understand what terrible thing you see in dating. So what''s your answer?"
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