My first impressions of the guy used as the example were mixed, on one hand he had been extremely cocky but on the other hand I could only imagine how embarrassing it was to be an example of what not to do. After a long back and forth with everyone going in circles did the instructor finally say that he technically also wasn''t holding the sword wrong either, and that it was just a matter of how one preferred to weald a weapon.
I couldn''t help but feel a little cheated by how long we''d spent, (Despite it only have been five minutes), he''d "wasted".
The instructor than continued with the rest of his lecture which I quickly ended up tuning out instead worrying about what had happened about in the past, as I tried my best to not think about embarrassing things in the past as if that would magically cause everyone to learn or remember despite how no one here could probably read minds, but that slight chance was all that was needed to stress me out as I missed what was probably important information.
After a while, when the instructor dismissed us, I had barely managed to gather anything he said, mostly tidbits from the other students were discussing while they were walking out. Not only that, I was even more confused on what I should do with the training sword in my hand, looking around I saw some other students just walking out the door with them and I tried to convince myself to just do as the others did. However, there''s always that tiny feeling I have where i feel like some people just had special situations or something, even though every students had left had taken their wooden training sword with them. It was the kind of stress that also left little room for me to ask because everyone else seemed to get it and if I asked it''d make me look... well... idiotic.
It took a second for me to finally decide, after more and more people left, to just go with the others not considering what I was going to do after leaving the room. The sword had a sort of heaviness to it that I knew wasn''t real, sure it wasn''t something that I could just juggle around like a small ball but it also wasn''t heavy enough to make me unable to carry it around the entire day if necessary as I instinctively grabbed my tail a bit with my free hand while it was at my side.
After walking out into the open I felt like I was being judged, specifically me, even though I was with others who were walking normally unbothered, I felt my grip on my own tail tighten as if my hand moved on its own. I had learned it wasn''t a really popular class, but I felt like even more of an outcast for some reason. I felt even my follow classmates boring holes into my skull even though when I turned around to look as inconspicuously as possible no one seemed to be paying special attention to me. Some people I ended up locking eyes with but it was more of the accidentally just meeting eyes while observing a place kind of thing, nothing special.
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I hadn''t forgotten about the two other idiots, I mean nobles, but I couldn''t find them in the crowd so I presumed they had been some of the first to leave the room after being dismissed but the worry about what I should do myself reminded me to think about what to do with the sword in my hand. It was going to be a problem for me as I still hadn''t considered what to do with it beyond just laying it across my part of the dorm, before I had a bright, totally not going to back fire idea of asking Sylv.
It was by sheer luck, for once I hadn''t been kicked while down by RNG, that she was just in front of me as I very lightly tapped her on the shoulder, only to immediately begin worrying and regretting my decision, ''She''s going to think of me as a weirdo, she''s going to make fun of me, she''s-".
"Lilith? Want something?" Her voice had a somewhat comforting but firm undertone to it while also being quiet enough to not stress me over others hearing our conversation. She seemed more casual than when we were at the dorm to as if she was just tired in the morning as well.
I decided that it was too late to back out anyway and started, "So... I was wondering... uh, um, what we''re supposed to do with," I raise my hand holding the training sword slightly, "this?" I immediately felt like I did something wrong as she took a second to think, although directly her expression was neutral, I began to think of all the ways that she might negatively react as I started to have a sinking feeling throughout my body.
"Oh the swords? I''m just putting mine on my bed for now, the instructor really didn''t tell us anything beyond ''just take them''." She said in a neutral tone giving no further context that somehow cared a bit of understanding, probably just from the context of her words, I rationalized. I still felt a feeling of dread despite how clearly it was made that my question had by coincidence, not stupid, I still felt as if people were judging me as if by the sheer thought of me not originally knowing it''d make others think of me as... I mentally shook my head trying to rid myself of those thoughts as I quickened my pace.
I had been so focused on trying to clear my mind and not bumping into other people before i realized I had just walked past my dorm. After walking back awkwardly, and pushing open the door I observed the room was empty as I had probably ended up leaving Sylv behind or she''d somehow finished everything before me but I hadn''t immediately noticed it and it wouldn''t end up mattering and thinking about it would just be weird, and... I again I had to shake my head this time physically to get it all out of my head, no one was here, at least I hoped, I didn''t bother checking as I just leaned the sword against my bed''s frame before decided to just sit down on the increasingly inviting mattress and think for a moment.