Currently I''m stress eating, also apparently there is a speedrun death achievement, I''m not proud of that.


    And I have acquired a new trauma, kinda like an achievement too, death by drowning.


    I thought I drowned in my own blood on my first death, but hey, what do you know? It was the bullet, and also it was a very quick death. The slow and agonizing death of having your lungs filled with water while you desperately attempt to survive...


    Nightmare stuff.


    Also an extremely painful death too, way too fucking painful and way too real, had to ask Ben about it. Was it really virtual reality? I already died once, and I know very well the feeling of passing away. For the game to also imitate that? Doubtful.


    So after lying absolutely still for five hours straight after my second death, I somehow managed to get my brain to reboot and walk away from the pod of death, I''m not going back there, ever.


    And the first thing I did? Was to ask Ben, what the hell was that, and what do you know? It really was virtual reality, with a few extra touches, the magic ball felt it was necessary to emulate everything, and by everything I mean every single thing you could possibly imagine, that includes death. How did he manage that? Her answer was ''my master is awesome like that''. Fuck. Apparently she likes the phrase, And that is how I am now stress eating in the kitchen, because the mother fucking gods thought it was necessary for us mortals to feel our own deaths down to the last detail in their little simulation game. Admittedly, it was dumb of me to go and play the game immediately like that, but c''mon , she said it was virtual reality, and my stupid ass thought it would be like the virtual reality we have, just slightly better...


    I hate this. I hate this situation. I hate being constantly afraid and I hate having to die twice already. I also hate that my second death was so fucking painful. If I die again, I hope it''s from a bullet to the chest or head, to make it quick. I hate having to worry about things like that. I hate that Ben is still here. I hate those golden eyes. I hate being so afraid of them. I hate not having the courage to admit it out loud. I hate a lot of things right now.


    But constantly stabbing an apple won''t work. Now that I think about it, I didn''t buy groceries, did Ben go grocery shopping while I was having my mental breakdown in the capsule after my second death? How thoughtful of her. I''m probably going to develop stockholm syndrome and fall in love with her later on, gonna need to check on that later, plus she''s been giving me some serious yandere vibes lately.... But do I want to speak to the eldritch goddess about it? Hmmmm.


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    Nah.


    It''s probably nothing. It''s not that I''m afraid of her to the point of avoiding asking him things like that, yeah, just basic self preservation, nothing else.


    "sigh..."


    Altough stabbing the apple is fun, it won''t solve my problems and it''s not healthy to dwell on them for so long either.


    But what do I do? Now that I think about it, I need to fix some problems, first I need money, right now I''m dependent on Ben and if she leaves then I''m screwed, I also need some sort of entertainment if I''m going to stay here in the foreseeable future, I''ll need something to keep myself occupied.


    "you seem thoughtful, mortal."


    "Oh hi, Ben. Yes, matter of fact I wanted to speak with you, and thank you for the lunch, it was lovely of you."


    And she''s just staring at me, like she''s expecting something else? Ah, I''ve never been good at these things.


    "..."


    "you look beautiful today?"


    Ah, she''s smiling now.


    "Ahem, I wanted your help in a couple of things."


    "Do you need my help? Do not hesitate to ask, mortal, who do you wish to exterminate?"


    She said she was different from the outer gods, and I really want to trust her, but when she says shit like that so casually.... Forget about it.


    "Well, you said you were going to be gone for a while and the problem is that I don''t have money, and I need money to buy food like any other mortal. I was wondering if you could help me get some things back from my old place, like the money I saved and some things from my apartment, if possible?"


    " it''s possible. "


    And she''s quiet again, perhaps she wants something in return?


    " Do you want something in return, Ben? "


    She''s smiling again.


    " Indeed, I desire progeny. "


    Error 404, please reboot.


    " mortal? "


    " Sigh, mortal, are you catatonic again? You shouldn''t look me in the eyes."


    I may be catatonic, but not because of that, I don''t think I can do it, at least not yet, sure she is hot as hell but also golden eyes of death. Also, how? I''m pretty sure that she had something bigger than my Johnson there.


    "Ben, I am not sure if you understand how human anatomy works, but you cannot have a baby if you have a dick."


    "I have both."


    "what?"


    "I have both reproductive organs, don''t worry mortal, now let''s create babies."


    Nonononono, fuck no.


    "Wait! Wait! Ben we can''t!"


    She tilts her head to the side.


    "Why not, mortal?"


    "Because... Because we haven''t kissed yet, yes! Human relations have an order of things! Sure strangers can have sex and everything, but we''re not strangers, we''re more, aren''t we, Ben?"


    She stares at me with skepticism.


    "You are lying."


    "No! I swear to God that I''m not!"


    "Do you swear, mortal?"


    "Yes! Yes!"


    Think Martin, think!


    " And... And the Bible says that we must be married before that, yes, the Bible says so!"


    " What is a Bible, mortal?"


    " The bible? Uhhh the sacred scriptures of my religion. And it says that we must be married, yes, so we can''t do it!"


    Honestly, the Bible is mostly full of contradictions and also mostly full of shit on some chapters, but I''m not saying that now.


    " Is that so... I must educate myself on your religion then, mortal. Very well then, if anything happens while I''m gone, press the red button, press it once if the threat is small. I contracted hell servants for protection, they are cheap and efficient. If the hell servant fails, then press twice and my pet will appear, if my pet also fails, then press thrice and I will be notified."


    I simply bobbed my head up and down.


    "I will return soon mortal, defend our lair until then."


    She spun around and made a weird gesture with her hands, a portal appeared in the kitchen.


    "Take care, Ben."


    I blinked and she was gone.


    ...


    This is the last time I''m asking Ben for stuff.