I read books, draw, write, study and learn whatever catches my interest.


    I climb, play sports, engage in casual chess matches.


    I even drank, fucked and drugged myself to the point I felt like I couldn’t leave such stuff behind, that I had become dependent on them.


    Yet, none of those fill awesome anymore, none of it makes me feel alive anymore.


    I am not even brave enough to take my own life, how much bigger of a coward can I be? I don’t think I can reach at any lower point than how I currently feel.


    These hands that dirty others and disgust me.


    This face that will deceive anyone including itself.


    Why should I keep on living when all I do is breaking the humans that love me.


    Why should I stop lowering myself on the food chain so much?


    Am I victim? Of what? I am no victim, I never had bad stuff happen to me.


    I never had a shitty life, I was blessed with everything. Good parents, awesome siblings, decent life away from poverty. Such a hipocrite, ain’t I? Indulging in pleasures to later regret them, digging my own grave through my own will while deceiving to others as it being accidental, or me being childish.


    I am childish. A future that was meant to be great, a potential as if for a divinity, all wasted on a creature called “me”.


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    Whose future have I stolen?


    Whose body have I stolen?


    Was I even born from them? From such awesome parents, from such awesome humans?


    A monster like me?


    All I can do is to isolate myself from them, from their lives and their love.


    As long as I keep on waling my mind will keep falling down to the knees. Collapsing of an inexplicable feeling of protest and inferiority.


    Whose mind have I stolen to break it apart.


    Whose heart have I stolen to love beings above myself.


    Whose hands have I stolen to dirty them.


    Whose mouth have I stolen to sput out lies from it.


    Whose legs have I stolen to bring him to his knees.


    Whose dick have I stolen to pleasure myself without meaning.


    Whose eyes have I stolen to take away his view onto this world.


    And whose body have I stolen to destroy it at this moment?


    I will keep on running, I feel like I have to do it to push myself away from the very thoughts that poison me.


    The more I think the more I destroy.


    The more I touch the more I want to remove my very own tactile senses.


    I am not human and will never be.


    My mind is filled with thoughts and reasons that make me unworthy to be human.


    I can’t keep living like a human.


    I can’t keep staining them with my presence.


    I will rescue them.


    From myself.


    And such I grab essentials to run away from home, like a teenager mad on their family. The school backpack will do it’s job to carry my stuff. I have none to greet so I will just leave straight away. With my phone, a downloaded map on it, a charging block and cable.


    Besides that I brought in with me a few lighters, a flashlight and spare batteries, canned food and water. A knife and clothes, headphones at full battery with music downloaded and a train to catch. I bought a one way ticket to the furthest north station and keep it ready.


    I have a bunch of hours before I am deemed as missing. The more I look at my face the more I want to remove this identity of me. But for now, all I can do is move forwards as far as I can.


    I listen to my favorite songs as much as I can before my headphones die. Though, trains have plugs so I ended up charging both my headphones and my phone to 100%.


    I get off at the destined last station and cover myself with a cap and a mask. I want to avoid mirrors, windows, anything that will make me look at myself.


    Before I keep going I had one last thing to do, I need to change my face because what it is as it is now, all I can say is that I am deeply rotten, and this face, isn’t doing anything to show that.