I couldn’t help it. I almost choked to death once I realized that her father was a bear, and every single one of his wives was a rabbit. When Wandi ribbed me, I couldn’t help but share the joke.


    “Quick joke. A Bear and a rabbit were taking a scat in the woods.”


    “Do you mean an Ursan and a lepan?”


    “No, an actual Bear and a rabbit.”


    “Bears eat rabbits. They don’t poop near them.”


    “It’s a joke. So the bear turns to the rabbit and asks…”


    “Wait, the bear talks? Are you sure it’s not an ursan?”


    “It’s a joke. A magical bear and rabbit that talk are taking a scat in the woods.”


    “Weird, but okay.”


    “So they bear turns to the rabbit and asks, “Hey Jack, you have really soft and fine fur. Do you have a problem with scat sticking to your fur?”


    “The talking rabbit has a name?”


    “It’s a joke. Yes. It’s not important. So the rabbit looks at the Bear and says, “Of course not.”


    “But Jacks DO have a problem with their scat sticking to their fur. That’s why jack-hole is such a great insult.”


    “You are ruining this joke. Shush, and listen. So Jack says “Of course not.”


    “You already said that.”


    “Are you serious? Shush?”


    “Alright. But I have heard this joke about a million times. The bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. I was just messing with you. My father is an ursan and my mothers are all lepans. I probably learned to tell that joke before I learned to say Momma.”


    That was strangely sobering. I thought Eddie Murphy invented that joke as the ‘joke so easy even white people can’t screw it up’, but I guess potty humor is a universal human trait.


    A bunch of jackrabbits were playing tennis in the woods. They kept getting dirtier and dirtier, and no one could figure out why.


    Huh?


    Well jackrabbits can’t play tennis, so guess what they were using for the ball?


    Shut it. Not funny.


    But you said potty humor was a universal trait.


    Universal Human trait. You aren’t human, so you don’t really get it.


    Fine. It almost sounded like Jessie was pouting.


    ***


    “So, wait, you knew the whole bride price thing was supposed to be a joke?” Ruffolan asked.


    I nodded, “Yeah, but every joke has a grain of fact or it wouldn’t be funny. You don’t want your daughter mating a penniless vagabond, So the bride price thing she told me about was a good way of seeing what my attitude was. If I was insulted, I was either a total jack-hole or utterly broke, If I paid it, I was a total fool, and if I laughed it off, I might have potential. I decided to play the fool and laugh it off at the same time. I’m not rich, but I don’t need to be, I know when it’s important to spend money to make a good impression, and when it’s time to scrimp and save.”


    Wandi was wearing the necklace I had gotten her, and truth be told, it totally suited her. Whatever else Beli might have been, she had exquisite taste in jewelry. It was enough for me to think of her in a better light, but I still didn''t want to be part of her cat scratch fever. Not unless she was tied up and gagged, which had potential.


    “So, what do you do?” he asked.


    Kasta, Wandi and Kamli’s biological mother coughed a little, “I was actually surprised that you wanted to meet us before you mated. Wandi has always been more of an act first, act second, and then think about if it’s a good idea sort of girl. She makes us proud, but she’s always been her own person.”


    Ruffolan nodded, “Right. I mean, Miatt Bitternut talked to us, but it was mostly to make sure he had concessions for moving taxable property out of Kanten. I am trying to figure out what you want,” he peered at me thoughtfully.


    He was a bear of a man. I mean literally a bear of a man, lots of manly hair and muscles, the size of a pro wrestler, and little brown furry ears on top of his head and a furred tail. Kasta, though, was a picture of her daughter Kamli, and yes, I was attracted as hell, but I was more than capable of keeping it under control, especially with her husband sitting there willing and able to rip my arm off and beat me to death with it. New strategy, let the Wookie win.


    Apparently, another advantage of increasing your stage was that it slowed your aging. Kasta as a copper only looked a few years older than Kamli and embodied the concept upon which the term ‘milf’ was founded, and Ruffolan, while looking early forties, looked like he pointed out directions to travelers by picking up his fully-loaded wagon and using it to point the way.


    I smiled, “Would you believe a home, a family, justice, safety, sanity, health, faith, and mind-blowing...”


    Wandi kicked me under the table.


    I coughed, “You know, I am not a good speaker. I mostly wanted to come and talk to her family before she became part of mine and hoped that we could get along and maybe be friendly. We have made up our minds already, but I am taking my time out of respect for both her and you.”


    “Taking your time? What''s that mean?” Ruffolan asked.


    Wandi coughed politely, “What it sounds like. He’s doing the whole thing. Talking to my family, courting gifts, sleeping alone, and trying to take as long as necessary while we build a rapport and delve together.”Stolen novel; please report.


    “You mean you ain’t fucking?”


    “Dad!”


    I shook my head, “No sir. I am trying to be honorable. We are moving quickly, Both affinities align and complement each other well, I’d love to do nothing more than start a family with her, but we are going to make sure it’s right first.”


    He nodded, “Word of advice, son. It may sound premature, but aspect or not, the Coopers are a hot-blooded bunch o’ women. Miatt lost Wandi because he can’t get his dick hard with the entire dance hall and a friggin’ gorgon unless he’s auditing their finances, and he’s about to lose Kamli for the same reason. If you put it off too long, she’s gonna move on.”


    “Dad!”


    He shrugged, “Just being honest with the boy. I still wanna know what his plans are. Hell, I can’t even figure out his aspect and you haven’t said word one about his affinities. You don’t need my blessings, Wandi’s a grown woman, but if you want it I gotta figure out what you want for real.”


    I looked at Wandi, “I am going to trust your judgment on this one, what do you want to tell him?”


    She sighed, “The truth, I guess. I mean, Kamli already knows, and in a few months, everyone will know anyway. I trust my family to keep their mouths shut, and we are going to have to trust some people, especially if we plan on bringing in the others.”


    I nodded slowly, “Okay, our plans currently are to delve rifts, heavily. Mostly to advance quickly to copper. I have some weird traits, like restoration, and Wandi and I fight extraordinarily well together because of the way our gifts dovetail.”


    Wandi shrugged, “I’d prefer bronze, or even orichalcum or iron, but copper is pretty much the absolute minimum for us to have a chance of surviving.”


    “After that? Are you going to become the regent’s healer or something? You will have a ton of protection then. Hell, ask and I’ll give you four bronze guardians that would be happy to run you through any rift you like for advancement by morning,” he was starting to look excited. Was restoration really that important? it was like I could see dollar signs in his piercing brown eyes. "It''d be an investment in my little girl''s future. You know, I have a lot more daughters, and Tiala would make an excellent second and manager. She''s lepan like her mother, has a merchant path, and lepans are well known for being amazing in the..."


    Wandi sighed deeply, and then barked, "Father!"


    “What? You said he has restoration. He could buy and sell me AND the Berrets in a few years. I figure you need to build your gifts, advance your paths to increase your power and become Kanten’s first high healer. And you are right, some people would try to prevent that, namely that bitch that runs the red coven and probably a third of the wild alchemists AND the alchemy guild. Maybe even the Cults, but they''d probably try to recruit him or brainwash him first."


    We’d already finished dinner. The wives had made something called squimby, which was a lot like a meat-laden leek soup filled with heavy homemade noodles, sides of sweet tomato barbecue-filled potatoes, and some really tasty rye rolls with honey butter. I wondered if Ruffolan would try to make me pay if I asked for the recipe.


    Wandi shook her head, “No, a little more serious than that. Kamli confirmed it, he’s a potential lawkeeper. He has law as one of his affinities.”


    Ruffolan’s face darkened, “And you want my girl to be your deputy? I might have a lot of girls, but I ain’t wastin’ em’.”


    Wandi sighed, “That’s why we are trying to get as powerful as possible before letting on to what he’s here for. What do you lose, like two-thirds of your profits, after the taxes, tithes, and ''commons maintenance fees''? You aren’t the only one. People are starving downtown because the fat are getting fatter and flaunting the law. Last week an eight-year-old girl was raped and murdered in the middle of the street. The population has HALVED in the last generation, We desperately need a lawkeeper, and lawkeepers need deputies, and I for one will be happy to do it.”


    Kasta shrugged, “You have to admit, dear, she has the skills.”


    He nodded, “Yeah, but does THIS GUY have the skills? Sure, he looks big and all, but right now he’s flippin’ WOOD, the last three lawkeepers were big fellows too, and two of them didn’t even make it a week before they were feeding the crows with their entrails.”


    Wandi sighed, “Okay, he’s low wood, but he totally blew me apart in melee…”


    “He has a physical affinity.”


    She nodded, “Yeah, but I was empowering my speed, he wasn’t empowering anything. He completely outshot me, without having ranged affinity.”


    I coughed. That was seriously stretching the truth, and she knew it.


    “Shush you, I only shot faster because I could build up a charge quicker, and it takes time and experience to do that. He pounded three pegs INTO each other at one hundred yards with a carbine, and at thirty yards with my pistol, even though it was too small for his grip. He’s a faster draw than me except when I am empowering my speed, and even then he can get off an accurate shot faster because he doesn’t have to straddle empowerment and charge while he’s aiming.”


    She smiled a little, “he has restoration and survival skills, almost gave me the slip, too, when he didn’t even know I was hunting him. Has endurance so he can keep going without breaking a sweat when I am totally wiped.”


    “Okay…” Ruffolan started.


    “I am not done. Karli vouched for him and said he has a future, and you KNOW what kind of an oracle she is. The reason he’s only wood, despite being almost bronze in fighting skills and attributes, is that where he comes from there are no aspects. No totems either, so it’s not like the greenbloods. Heck, Raspail had to teach him to cultivate like a greenblood BECAUSE of that, but he has something sort of like an aspect now, called a Jessie. But if we start delving now, I bet he’s going to become a powerhouse soon that could make even the old world blood lords beg for mercy.”


    Kasta sighed, “You really want to become a deputy?”


    Wandi nodded, “Yes. And I already have a couple of people lined up for a rift team. No dirty ambushers in this crew… and if we get one, well, I’ll just let Tony kill them. Breaking the law is a bad idea around a lawkeeper unless you are ready to face the consequences, even if he’s not official yet.”


    “A rift team?”


    She nodded, “Of course. Rifts are teams of five. No one solos them.”


    I sighed, “I was expected to.”


    She chuckled, and Ruffolan guffawed. “That’s because, sweety, you are a combat monster. You probably could solo a rift, but it would be really slow, risky, and unprofitable. I will be the team lead, but I do have some rules.”


    Ruffolan chuckled, “Here she goes again.”


    Wandi shushed her dad, and surprisingly he went quiet. Smart man.


    “The first rule is that I am in charge unless we find out you can do a better job and the team agrees. I have run over a dozen rifts. Maniri has run a lot more, but doesn''t want the job, she says anchor is tough enough without coordinating the rest of the team.”


    I nodded, “You’re the boss, lady. I bow before your expertise, and any other part of…” I suddenly remembered where I was and went silent, but Ruffolan was looking like he was ready to crack up. Kasta just smiled and gave me an odd look.


    “The second rule. Need before greed, always.”


    I nodded, “Can I ask a question?”


    She nodded, “Yes, but next time I may have to put on a pair of glasses and make you raise your hand,” which made me growl. She looked oddly pleased, and I reminded myself now was not the time for sexual fantasies, in front of her parents.


    “I have an ability, tied into a trait that is attached to one of my affinities, that was opened up to me and I have the points to purchase it. It can produce new specialty sources of loot. It is not valuable except in the right hands, basically crafting supplies. Is that considered need before greed, party loot, or personal loot?”


    She chuckled, “I should have guessed you’d have a complicated question. Care to share more, so I can share with my party members if it’s appropriate?”


    I nodded, “I also want your father to know about it because he might be able to profit from it or help us move it. I am not sure, but it lets me collect useful stuff, and then, I can use it for low-level crafting, probably modified by my survival skills. I don’t think it will produce anything really good, but they are still… interesting. The trait is called scrounging.”


    Ruffolan looked a little surprised, “Oh! I know that trait. It can be excellent! Do you have a crafting skill to go with it?”