Twas the night before Smirkmas, when all through the house


    Not an expression was stirring, not even a grin


    The stockings were hung by the chimney with care


    In hopes that St Smirk would soon be there


    The children were nestled all snug with their electronics in their beds


    Wile visions of legalized weed and bad singers danced in their heads


    And mamma in her dominatrix gear, and I in my gimp suit


    Had just settled in for a long BDSM moot


    When outside arose such a clatter


    Mamma begrudgingly unbound me so I could see what was the matter


    Away to my phone I flew like a flash


    Opened the security camera app to spy what was outEnjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    The streetlights highlighted new fallen snow


    Gave lustre to a drunken wastrel as he peed below


    When what to my wondering cameras did appear


    But a carload of high dude bros did step clear


    With the cockiest expressions so smug and uncaring


    I knew at that moment that it was St Smirk they were bearing


    More rapid than the eye could follow


    Was the dude bros’ sorrow


    Smirk Claus whistled and shouted as he flayed the bros open


    All the while they giggled as they were broken


    Now Smile now Grin now Frown and Sneer


    On Grimace on Scowl on Glare and Leer


    To the top of the porch to the top of the wall


    Now dash away dash away all


    The other expressions fled leaving Smirk in a mood


    Open this smirked door I don’t want to brood


    Through the front door St Smirkolas came with a bound


    Smirk was dressed all in in fur, from foot to crown


    And Smirk’s clothes were all tarnished with blood and skin


    A sack of smirks did Smirk flung from their back


    Smirk looked like a peddler just opening their pack


    Smirk’s eyes- how smug they were Smirk’s dimples how conceited


    Smirks cheeks were heated most likely from because they felt cheated


    The other expressions had fled leaving Smirk for dead


    But not one to be deterred Smirk smoked a bowl


    When the munches hit St Smirkolas raided the fridge and ate a casserole


    After blowing up the bathroom Smirk asked about our sex life


    Smug St Smirk then smirked my wife followed by smirking our kids


    Smirk smirked me last and left me with 15 quids


    Out the door lightning-fast Smirk spank into their sleigh at long last


    Opening a beer Smirk gave a whistle


    The other expressions returned quick as a missile


    And away they all flew as if being chased by an official


    But I heard Smirk exclaim as they drove out of sight


    Happy Smirkmas to all and to all a smirk night!