Chapter 18 - Alive & Unbroken


    Raf spent days in Soul Hollow. Or maybe it was weeks. Perhaps hours or even minutes. Relative time passed as fast or slow as Sibling the Gravity Dragon willed it.


    Sibling assured Raf that he could spend as much or as little time in Soul Hollow as he wanted; because outside this vast, crystalline-twinkling, golden-fire-lit, soul-misty cavern, time advanced so slowly, relatively speaking, the outside world was almost on pause.


    So Raf had all the time in the world to ask every question he could think of.


    Sibling answered readily, for this was a unique and charming experience, having spent lonely eons hiding from Adam. Sibling hadn''t seen a human in millennia. And it was a rare occasion indeed for Sibling''s youngest sibling to visit Soul Hollow in the body of a mortal, and never before as a human.


    Raf learned he was Sibling''s best and eternal friend.


    Raf was an ikon. His true purpose, his divine edict, was to tend the garden of Eden by influencing and inspiring the souls he came into contact.


    Raf was the ikon of life.


    Each ikon had a unique strength. Raf''s gift was the seed of divine conscience. He couldn''t control a person''s mind, but he could plant an idea. That spark of divine inspiration could spread like weeds as mortals shared it with one another.


    The cthulians called him the ''wanderer'' because Raf''s soul had been reborn countless times. In past lives, Raf had been cthulians, mer, magical creatures, human men and women, even small animals. His true body remembered each of those lives and would remember his own life when this one ends.


    Raf also learned the source of the fiery bright light illuminating the Hollow: the phoenix, continually frozen and advanced in time to mark the ''days'' and ''nights.''


    As its life ended, the phoenix rose like a candle in the air and exploded in a glorious explosion, which Sibling froze in time, burning like a tiny star.


    And when Raf grew tired and wanted to sleep, Sibling unfroze the phoenix, which would burst into flames and fall to a pile of ashes on the crystalline ground, beginning a new life. Then, a newly hatched chick would emerge from the burning cinders, like smoldering coal flapping out of a fire pit.


    While Raf slept, Sibling lived an entire life with the phoenix. Firefly bugs, glow worms, and phosphorescent mushrooms ensured the Hollow was never completely dark, and the phoenix always had a steady supply of food.


    By the time Raf rested and woke up, the phoenix, nearing the end of its lifecycle, would burst into glorious flames again and rise like a tiny sunrise in the air.


    And Raf would be ready for tree bean breakfast with a new day''s worth of questions. And then the cycle would repeat again and again, and again.


    Sibling said it was impossible to force the fallen out of Morgan''s body.


    But there was a way to imprison it, so it could never harm another person again. A spell that would trap the fallen into one of Raf''s true body''s scales, the same way Adam trapped the five Eden Spirits into the pieces of regalia he wears today. And while that parallel made Raf uneasy, it might grant him revenge on the monster that killed his father and tortured his sister.


    To cast the spell and access the magic, Raf had to train in the lake of souls for a long time every cycle. Sibling flew in graceful circles over him, guiding and advising.


    Raf even touched his true body. Raf''s true self was a magnificent serpentine dragon with batlike wings, and his scales were neon rainbows against jet black.


    Raf pried one iridescent black scale off his true body''s tail, feeling his true body''s warmth and the strength.


    Raf used the scale to practice the magic required to trap the fallen''s soul.


    As Raf trained, Tzik-Enu conferred with Sibling whenever possible, though their exchanges were private. Tzik-Enu was outwardly uninterested in Raf and made no effort to befriend or engage with him at all. Raf didn''t mind. He was busy learning and training. Sibling taught him countless miraculous ideas and truths about himself and the universe.


    There was a surprising amount of vegetation diversity in the Hollow. Fronds, ferns, crickets, lizards, crabs, and pixies! Tiny reptilian creatures with big insect wings. The pixies avoided Raf and Tzik-Enu at all times, constantly watching from afar. Raf didn''t even notice them for the longest time.


    It took several cycles of training in the lake of souls with Sibling''s guidance, but in time, Raf could grab hold of a free-floating soul, lock it into the spirit dragon''s scale, and then pull it back out at will.


    So the time had come.


    Having learned what he came for, Raf decided he was ready to return home, slay the beast, and free his sister''s soul before the fallen devoured it entirely. He knew what that meant. He squared his mind and told Sibling, who made no objections, even offering Raf transport back to Castle Moondial.


    Raf had to climb into Sibling''s mouth for protection from the elements. Holding on by a fang and standing on fleshy jaw-bone amidst a spicy breath that Raf assumed came from stomach acids and saliva. It was gross. One of the grossest things Raf had ever experienced, and he had put an oceanic parasite in his ear.


    Tzik-Enu grabbed hold of Sibling''s opposite fang, unwilling to let Raf out of sight until his natural death when she could retrieve the symbiote from his head.


    The ordeal was over in relatively no time.


    Sibling slowed Raf to a near stop, so from his perspective, Sibling''s jaws were only closed for one loud instant; when they opened again, Raf jumped onto the balcony of Castle Moondial; the very same balcony that a demon killed his father, threw Raf to die, and tortured Morgan. The place his journey began.


    Sibling was unsentimental, wishing Raf good fortune and a "See you soon" before flying back underwater, returning Raf and Tzik-Enu to relative normal time.


    Sophia''s golden barrier that enveloped Raf''s body dispersed, and the glowing chain/tattoo returned.


    Raf was light-headed from the sudden change in pressure. He stumbled away from the edge and collapsed on the floor.


    Legion, too, seemed to be recalibrating their senses for the surface, giving Raf a dizzying headache.


    Tzik-Enu was similarly struggling to adjust to the environment. Her entire body at different points seemed to swell and then retract. She widened her stance and dropped her harpoon.


    It took them several minutes to find their breaths and stand steady.


    Then, quiet as possible to avoid detection (no easy feat, with Tzik-Enu''s sharp claws crashing into the polished stone floors), they snuck out of Raf''s father''s room and down the hall toward Morgan''s room.


    Legion''s heightened senses enabled Raf to ''smell'' the guards before he heard them. They were standing post outside Morgan''s room and hadn''t heard Raf or Tzik-Enu approach.


    Raf peeked around the corner and recognized the guards, Sifu and Limu. Raf knew all the castle staff. He knew their schedules and habits. He''d met Limu''s wife and daughter. Raf knew they''d both be honor and duty-bound to attack Tzik-Enu and alert Morgan that Raf was alive. He couldn''t let them see him, but he wouldn''t attack them, either.


    Raf had an idea.


    He sat on the floor and began meditating, as he''d done in the lake of souls. He opened himself to his surroundings and reached out to Sifu and Limu, and Raf concentrated on a single thought:


    ''Isn''t it Evesday? I think it''s Evesday. I should be standing guard on the wall.''


    Raf concentrated on nothing else but that for a long time, hoping it would work. He was about to give up when he heard Sifu''s voice saying, "Wait. What day is today?"


    "I think it''s Evesday," Limu''s voice answered.


    "Crap. We have wall duty tonight. We''re at the wrong post."


    "I was just thinking that! But then, who''s watching Lady Morgan''s door?"


    "I dunno. They''re probably waiting for us on the wall. We should hurry."


    Relieved, Raf heard their footsteps knocking against the granite floor grow quieter. Once he was sure the hall was clear, Raf motioned to Tzik-Enu to follow, and he dashed toward Morgan''s door. It was locked, but with careful instruction, Tzik-Enu was able to break the door open without making it too obvious from the outside. By the time Morgan noticed the door was broken, she would already be standing in the doorway.


    As fate would have it, Morgan was arriving at Castle Moondial on horseback with a captive screaming Lyn.


    The little witch knew something was wrong with her sister.


    Lyn wanted Rowan. She wanted Apple. She cried and cried, but Morgan held her firm with one hand and the reins with the other.


    The real Morgan was distraught. She imagined herself in the tiniest block of ice, holding her knees tight.


    Azazel, wearing the buxom redhead, tormented Morgan, taunting her, whispering threats against Lyn and cruel predictions of her future. And what it would do to Rowan next. Rowan, who might be dead already after taking a spear to the chest.


    And so they rode up the Gnomon, through the gates, into the courtyard of Castle Moondial.


    The castle staff looked horrified and confused but made no move to interfere as Morgan dragged Lyn, kicking and screaming, up the stairs and locked Lyn in her room. The poor girl could be heard screaming for hours, but that wasn''t out of the ordinary for Lyn, so everyone ignored her.If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    Azazel was, naturally, in peak form. It cracked jokes and laughed loudly at them. So carried away was it being smug and superior, planning what and how to tell Adam; the fallen failed to notice those tiny indentations in the floor from some sharp and powerful force. It didn''t even notice the broken door frame or intense fishy odor until well inside Morgan''s room, but by then, a white-hot, razor-sharp chain was loose in the air toward Morgan''s heart.


    Azazel reached into Morgan''s soul and summoned a barrier of hard light, which the chain shattered through! Morgan barely dodged the attack and dove for the door.


    A bone harpoon flew through the air and lodged itself in the wall between Morgan and the door at an angle so the door wouldn''t open.


    There was no time to pry the harpoon out or break it because the chain was still flying, and Morgan''s hard light magic seemed ineffective. Was Morgan too drained after the battle with Rowan and the shadow man?


    That didn''t matter, said Azazel. Because it had powers of its own.


    Azazel launched Morgan''s body up and away, floating midair where Morgan could better see her attackers and nearly fell when Rafael Avalyn came into focus.


    Then a massive cthulian with vibrant colors emerged from behind her closet wall.


    "What the hell?" said Morgan.


    But Rafael''s other arm dropped a chain, and suddenly he was dual-wielding fiery razor-sharp chains. He meant to end this quickly, whipping both chains horizontally as he dashed at Morgan.


    Morgan dipped and twisted in the air to avoid Rafael''s attacks, but he was relentless. The next attack sliced apart a tidy lounge table and seating nook.


    Enough! said Azazel, and Morgan shivered at its rage.


    It screamed, and all around Morgan, a force blast pushed everything away, knocking apart the furniture and breaking the windows and mirror.


    Unnoticed by anyone at the time, a wasp was killed as shards of glass collided with the stone wall.


    Morgan lifted a hand toward Raf and force-pushed him back into the wall with such impact that blood splattered behind him, and he collapsed to the ground.


    Azazel would have pulled Raf forward and slammed him back again for good measure, but the cthulian lunged forward to crush Morgan in her mighty claw.


    The trauma of witnessing that happen to her brother made it easy for Azazel to rip Morgan''s magic from her again to conjure a hard light shield, which easily deflected the cthulian''s heavy blows, but the ocean creature was fast and deadly. All Azazel could do was keep up.


    While that was happening, for some reason, Raf had a dream he saw Morgan.


    She was keening in a frozen tomb, but she was still alive. He ran to her, touched her shoulder, and said, ''Hey, hey, don''t cry. I''m here.''


    Morgan looked up in disbelief and wonder. Then she stood and hugged him tightly.


    ''How is this possible? Are you alive?'' she asked.


    ''I don''t know. I don''t know. I might be dead, but I think I died already, and Sophia stitched me back together, so I guess anything is possible at this point.''


    ''Who''s Sophia?''


    ''My guardian angel.''


    ''Pft. Did Sophia fall asleep on watch or something?''


    ''Right!? But I think I''m alive and here now because of Sophia.''


    ''Huh. Wish I had a guardian angel. My angel sucks.''


    ''But you have magic! That''s what that was, right? That wasn''t the fallen. That was your magic!''


    ''Hm. I think so. Azazel takes it from me whenever I lose focus. I''m so tired, Raf. I can''t keep fighting it.''


    ''Hey. I learned a way to trap the fallen so it can never hurt anyone ever again. We can kill it, Morgan. You and me. One last fight.''


    ''Okay. Okay. Wait. I don''t know if we''ll ever get the chance to… I thought you were dead… and now you''re here! I love you... so much... and no matter what happens... or how this ends... I am so. Proud of you.''


    He hugged her tightly and said, ''I love you the most. And it''s gonna be okay. I promise. I know what happens next.''


    Then Raf woke up on the stone floor of Morgan''s room. His head ached and throbbed with every heartbeat, and he felt slick with blood all over, but for some reason, and by the grace of Sophia, Raf was alive and unbroken.


    He looked up and saw Morgan and Tzik-Enu, still battling ferociously.


    Then a hard light blade came down to slice off Tzik-Enu''s massive claw. She fell back and hissed, hind legs stabbing wildly as she crawled away from Morgan. Azazel advanced and summoned a hard light trident, lifting it high above Tzik-Enu''s flailing body.


    Meanwhile, in the dreamscape, Morgan gathered all her remaining hope and strength for one more fight.


    ''This is my magic,'' she told Azazel. ''Not yours. And I''m taking it back.''


    She dropped her psychic ice defense and mentally conjured a hard light barrier between her mind and Azazel, who screamed and lashed out in vain.


    And that''s when everything happened at once.


    Raf used the chains to launch himself toward Morgan.


    In the dreamscape, Morgan took back her magic, vanishing the trident and saving Tzik-Enu from a killing blow.


    And Azazel threw a tantrum, failing to notice Raf until a razor-sharp chain blade slid into Morgan''s chest.


    The fallen was too surprised to do anything but laugh.


    As Morgan dropped to the ground, the chain removed itself, first from Morgan''s chest, then from Raf''s shoulders, falling to the floor as a simple chain again, as it was when Raf first touched it. An enormous weight fell with it, and Raf felt high for a moment.


    Sophia appeared to him once more, a majestic being of pure brilliant light.


    "Well done."


    "Wait. That can''t be it. What about the fallen?"


    "You have the spirit dragon''s scale, yes? Hold it now. Azazel will leave Morgan''s body to choose a new host."


    Raf reached into his pocket and brought the scale out in his open palm. He looked down at Morgan and what he''d done, and he almost cried. But he could cry later. Now he had to concentrate on grabbing the fallen as it traveled between victims.


    A wisp of dark fog emerged from Morgan''s body, with glowing eyes that stop your breath.


    As Raf reached out to grab hold of the fallen and channel it into the scale, Sophia slammed the broadside of a blade against Raf''s head, breaking his focus and nearly cracking his skull. The scale slipped from his fingers, and Sophia caught it.


    In that instant of betrayal, that momentary distraction, Azazel flew into Raf''s body, and Raf lost everything.


    Then Sophia spun the sword around and drove it into Raf''s back.


    "Hold onto the fallen and don''t let it escape," ordered Sophia, binding Raf and Azazel''s souls together into the spirit dragon scale, trapping them both together.


    And Rafael Avalyn fell lifeless to the ground.


    But then, for some reason and by the strange grace of Sophia, Morgan opened her eyes, alive and unbroken.


    December 2011 - Oklahoma


    Time passed. I remained self-absorbed and unaware, partying and studying. And all the while, my brother was disintegrating. I tell myself I tried. I tell myself it''s not my fault.


    He frustrated and embarrassed me. Countless times. I''m sorry, but it''s the truth. His behavior became increasingly erratic and irresponsible.


    Nathan told me Jude would pick himself up once he hit rock bottom. I didn''t know what else to do at that point. He refused to work, convinced that if he sat on the sidewalk and begged for change long enough, the government would give him SSI because of his back.


    I think he was carrying so much emotional weight he couldn''t carry anything else. He needed to be carried, but San Francisco was too expensive for me to carry us both. So I told him to get his shit together, and I focused on myself and my boyfriends.


    I was finishing my Associate''s Degree at CCSF, and it was time to apply to universities. I had good grades and a pretty interesting story, but most schools rejected me. I would eventually receive an acceptance letter from UC Davis.


    But before that happened, Tandy got pregnant.


    I was less than thrilled.


    Jude, Tandy, and I were in the living room. Oliver was at work. The sun was shining through the window, and Loki was dragging his favorite toy across the floor to hide in his secret space.


    I thought it was selfish and irresponsible to bring a child into the world under those conditions, and, to be candid, I suggested abortion. Tandy wouldn''t abort. The concept was morally repugnant to her. Her choice.


    I suggested adoption, but Tandy was determined. Tandy decided a baby would fix her and make her a better person. She romanticized a happy life, and for a time, intermittently, she had it.


    It was unfair to you to put that much responsibility on a baby. I wish I could have told you years ago; that none of this is your fault, and you deserved better, and it''s okay to be mad. I''m still mad.


    As fate would have it, your father''s father called for the first time since Morgan died. John. My father. He was overjoyed to hear the news, inviting Jude and Tandy out to Oklahoma. They''d have a home of their own, he said.


    Jude and Tandy took a Greyhound bus to Oklahoma the very next day. I saw them off and wished them luck. By that time, I''d set aside any misgivings toward Tandy. She was family now. I even grew to admire her a little.


    You were born in Oklahoma. Tandy''s parents drove down to meet you. They demanded Tandy give them custody of you immediately. Tandy told them to get bent. They told her she was disowned and disinherited.


    I came to visit that Christmas. You were so tiny, with a tuft of red hair. And such a happy baby. You never cried.


    It had been some fifteen years since I''d been in Oklahoma. I hadn''t seen my dad since Morgan''s funeral. She was always his favorite. John checked out after she died.


    He had found himself a replacement family, a wife, a daughter, and a son. I liked them all right away. Much more than I like my father. I don''t dislike him. I kind of ''nothing'' him, you know?


    Like, I used to hate him for abandoning us, for forgetting me. But as an adult, knowing him is different. I understand him better, having met his family. I don''t hate him because he''s a decent husband and father. Besides, he''s too pitiable to hate.


    That''s when I learned where I came from. My father''s story. His mother''s story. My Gramma Joy. One night we were outside looking at stars, and Gramma Joy told me her father was one of those Native American babies the government kidnapped and gave to white families. Her daddy was a Chocktaw, Chickasaw, Cherokee, Potawatomi, Southern Baptist Minister. Can you imagine? What a trip.


    Anyway, my Gramma Joy was born into this surreal and unfair world and was raped at a very young age. She thinks she initiated the act, but I don''t believe 8-year-olds have the agency to make those kinds of decisions.


    You''re probably appalled, and rightly so, but similar stories are all too common among Indigenous girls and women. It''s an extension of the war the United States has waged against Native Americans since Plymouth Rock. The genocide continues today, every day.


    Indigenous people aren''t viewed as people by the wider/Whiter society. In the eyes of a White man, Native Americans are all gone. They''re more comfortably regarded as cartoon mascots.


    Or wood elf flower children that inexplicably fall in love with White men.


    Or they''re "Mexicans."


    Or they''re myths posers tell people to sound deep or morally superior.


    "The Native Americans used to believe blah-blah-blah about blah-blah."


    Oh? What tribe? "Used to." Did they stop believing it, or were they wiped out? And if the latter, how do you claim to know their myths?


    Anyway, Joy was 12 when she got pregnant with my father, which, as you can imagine, was super embarrassing for the Southern Baptist Minister. Abortion was unthinkable, so Joy was given an ultimatum: she could get married immediately, so the baby wouldn''t be born a bastard, or she could go away for 9 months and come home with a brand new baby brother.


    Joy opted for marriage. Not surprisingly, any man who would marry a 12-year-old is a creep. He abused Joy and their children together for 8 years before Joy abandoned her family and drove to California.


    But before she left, she told young John that the man he thought was his father wasn''t his father.


    When he asked who his real father was, Joy said, "Get a pen and paper. I''ll give you a list of a hundred names. Take your pick."


    Then she abandoned him for California.


    As soon as John was old enough, he joined the Air Force, traveled the world, got stationed in California, and met Patsy.


    She was 30. He was 22. Their marriage lasted 8 years.


    When Patsy divorced John, she got full custody because he could never pay child support. Instead, he visited when it suited him, until Morgan died, and then it didn''t suit him anymore.


    I used to wonder how John could be such a devoted husband and father to someone else. Then I met his family, and I realized his new wife was a nice person. Controlling, yes, like my mother, like Tandy, but John''s new wife was fair, hardworking, and considerate. That''s why he left us. Because Patsy was none of those things. So I couldn''t resent John for abandoning us. In a way, I did the same thing to Jude.