Chapter 52


    I throw up in the bushes to the side of the garden, holding my head as I sway around, shoes in hand


    and bag dangling down at ankle level. I feel like hell, tired and recounting- how many drinks I had and


    again gawp in disbelief that I can feel this way on a minimal amount. It hasn’t been that long since I


    stopped being a seasoned drinker, so there is no way my tolerance has waned this badly. I only drunk


    three, maybe four sses at most, yet I am in the state of having had ten or more. Everything is


    spinning weirdly, and it doesn’t feel like normal drunk at all. Normal drunk doesn’t give me this dry


    throat and painful ache in my stomach that has made me throw up twice.


    I stagger up to my front door on unsteady legs; the sound of the departing cab still echoing in the


    distance and alerting me to the fact it’s early in the morning, around four am. or more. I have no idea


    what my mom will say. I’mpletely disappointed in myself. And to make it worse, being drunk just


    makes me crave to speak to Arrick again. My heart filling with reasons I should call him and my head


    finding excuses not to that are pathetic inparison. This is thest thing I needed to do to myself.


    I stumble into the hall when I get the door open, trying so hard to be quiet and catch sight of myself in


    the hall mirror. My hair is flyaway, dress hanging off one shoulder where that prick Malcolm tore it, and


    my lipstick smeared where he forced his tongue down my throat when I was semi-conscious on a booth


    chair. I came to in a quiet corner of the hotel, in semi-dark shadows to find him trying to get my clothes


    off. I pushed his groping hands and grinding body off in disgust while, the asshole called me a ‘cock


    tease’.


    This belongs to N?velDrama.Org - ?.


    He actually had the nerve to try and hold me down, try and force his tongue in my mouth while his


    knees pried my legs apart, and I fought back and caused a hell of a scene.


    Cami justughed at first, until I made enough noise and chaos to bring the attention of other


    drunken stragglers, and then she got snippy, dumping me in a taxi and telling me next time toy off


    the booze if I couldn’t handle it. She seemed majorly pissed, unconcerned that Malcolm had managed


    to rip my dress and unhook my bra, and I found that myce panties were around my upper thighs and


    halfway off.


    I feel dirty and vile, wiping the back of my hand across the smeared mess in a bid to remove it with


    utter disgust. My head is a riot of drunken emotional anger, hoping to god that creep didn’t vite me in


    anyway while I was out cold, and wondering again how the hell I got so wasted on such a little amount


    of booze. Cami can go fuck herself. So much for taking care of me; she seemedpletely sober


    and sat gyrating on some loser’sp, watching us the whole time, while getting off with his hand up her


    fucking skirt.


    Climbing the stairs quietly, I sneak into my bedroom; the sudden urge to strip off this restricting dress


    and scrub myself clean overwhelms me. Tonight, I behaved exactly as I have always done; getting


    trashed while some sleazy man made moves on me. Only this time Arrick wasn’t at the other end of the


    phone to be pissed at me ore to take me home with him. Nothing has changed. I’m still an idiot,


    acting out and bringing heartache to those around me.


    I walk into my bathroom, turn on the shower and climb in as soon as I strip down, wiping the mess of


    makeup from my face as hot water pours over me, removing the smells and memories of that creep


    from all over. The smell of his aftershave on me makes me retch and I can’t get his slimy face out of my


    head. Waking up to that perverted fuck on top of me was like a shback to hell. The nausea rises and


    I can’t stop the vomit hitting the floor of my shower cubicle as emotion pushes me to eject what’s left in


    there.


    I slump down on the shower floor, away from the mess I made as it rinses it down the drain, tears


    overtaking me, water washing away all my indiscretions, but my heart is as raw and wounded as it has


    been for months. This isn’t a new Sophie, this is the same old Sophie with a new wardrobe and a new


    hangout, and I’ll be damned if I go down this route again. All tonight has done is made me realize that I


    don’t want to go back to this, don’t want to be this girl anymore.


    Finally, I climb into bed with damp hair, holding the short strands up above my face as I scrutinized it,


    wondering what Arrick would say if he saw me now. I miss him, despite everything, and know how


    much worse it will be for me if I call him. I just want to hear his voice. Want to feel like he’s still there,


    that even with shit like tonight he would have stille for me. I need him more than anything to make


    me feel better, to feel safe from perverted assholes always trying to get something I don’t want to give.


    I roll over onto my side, pulling Princess Snuggles and snuggling up to her. She was a present from


    him, a long time ago and one of the few things I cannot part with, about as close to him as I can get


    right now. My head is a mess and I’ve only pushed myself back to square one. This is everything I told


    myself I would change, everything that I havee to despise about myself since being back here.


    Tomorrow I will start over, get back on track and cut that Cami bitch out of my life and my cell.


    ***


    I sit at breakfast with a gurgling stomach and pounding head, after forcing myself to get up, despite


    getting in sote, and I am trying to appear normal for the sake of my parents. My mom eyes me warily,


    but as yet hasn’t said much as I pick at my gran, trying to keep it down.


    “I don’t know if it’s the hair, but you look pale and washed out, more than usual.” My father interjects


    into my thoughts as he regards me over his paper. I keep my eyes on my te and don’t respond.


    Knowing I literally have no ability to behave normally or speak right now. “What time did you get in, we


    didn’t hear you?” He adds a little more forcefully, an obvious tone in his voice this time.


    “I don’t know, I didn’t check.” I answer quietly, honestly, as I didn’t check the time. I push my te away


    and make a move to get up, knowing more is toe if this was how Dad is starting the morning, and I


    literally cannot handle. My body is fighting me in the worst kind of way, the nausea strong. I should


    have stayed in bed and got the rest of this booze out of my system before attempting to stand upright.


    “Did youe home drunk?” His tone notches a few octaves in the anger department, and I sigh.


    Good timing to be a forceful dad! Years of leniency and he chooses now to get harsher.


    “Dad,e on; I don’t feel good. I think I’ll go back to bed.” I sigh, trying to stay passive and not get


    mad at him. My mom throws me a shady look and then one at my dad, that trantes to ‘she looks like


    she was.’


    “I asked you a question and I expect an answer, youngdy!” He snaps at me, makes me and my mom


    jump with the sudden bitey tone. He never snaps, like ever, and I instantly bristle defensively with that


    good old fucking temper of mine. A rage, that he has always let me be, let me behave like a pampered


    little bitch, and now he has the nerve to try to control me, at twenty years old!


    “Yes, okay. I got drunk, I came home, and I vomited in the garden. Are you happy? Cos I’m fucking not,


    and I don’t need any goddamn lectures over this shit right now. I think someone spiked my drink, so I


    am going to my bed!” I sound like the spoiled little brat who told her parents to go fuck themselves


    months ago and ran to New York. I grimace that I’m being that same little shithead right now. I hate that


    they’ve pretty much let me get away with any kind of behavior over thest six years to


    ovepensate for what that sick fuck did to me, and then when they tried to reel me in, they let me


    run away and left me to it.


    I hate that they always let me get away with everything, and this morning is no different. My dad is just


    sitting looking at me like he thinks he shouldn’t keep pushing, now that I’ve snapped back, and my


    mom starts to cry. I wish they would just do what they did with Ben or Rnne, and go crazy psycho at


    me for getting trashed and fucking myself up, let it out, then let me go to my room to suffer, ground me


    and speak no more about it. But they won’t, they will make passive-aggressive remarks, and then I will


    never hear the end of it, making me feel guilty endlessly.


    “Sophie?” My mom’s emotion strained voice catches me, sheer disappointment on her face and I can


    only hang my head in shame again. I slide away from the table, avoiding my father’s angry re and


    make a move to leave. “I thought you were trying?” My mother’s pained voice hits me hard in the heart.


    She obviously doesn’t believe that I suspect someone spiked my drink, all they see is Sophie going off


    the rails again.


    Still. Whatever.


    “I am trying... … but sometimes trying involves falling off your horse once or twice. Or sometimes,


    some shitheades along and spikes your drink for shits and giggles and then your family don’t


    fucking believe you.” I snap at her, hoping to God going back to bed calms down the overwhelming


    nausea, rage, and pounding head so I can deal with my parentster.


    “Sophie, stop right there.” My father’smanding tone is a rare thing, I stop obediently, more from


    shock than anything, that he might actually try to control wild little me in some paternal way this time,


    and not let my past make him wimp out. He gets up andes to meet me at the table where I am


    standing. “I know you are trying, and I trust that Emma is taking good care of you, but I really think we


    should consider a live-in establishment for a little while, until you can stop drinking. I think it’s time we


    put our foot down with you because enough is enough.”


    I blink at him in sheer stupefaction. Pretty sure my bottom jaw hits the floor and my mom just sits there


    like a goddamn zombie, in silence. This was so not what I had in mind when I thought I wanted them to


    set more boundaries with me. I have no idea how to react.