Chapter 117


    Yachting all over the Mediterranean had been an absolute dream. I loved being out on the water and


    seeing the crystal blue skies every single morning. Waking up to crashing waves and a gentle sea


    breeze was absolutely magical.


    I could have stayed out there for years and years and never grown tired. But I felt rejuvenated and


    ready to tackle some more work. I shifted in my seat as the people on set helped me to get the mic


    fixed.


    Today was the first official interview for the movie. The trailer was due to drop within the next two or so


    hours and I was more than excited to finally release this baby into the world. There was a huge weight


    on my shoulders because people expected this movie to be good. And they had every right to. The


    book had been a major sess and I wanted the movie to follow suit. The fan base deserved a ster


    movie.


    But not only was this interview important for the movie, it was also important for me. This was going to


    be the first public thing that I did. Everyone had just been catching glimpses of me as I milled around


    the streets of Los Angeles. But now they were going to hear from me for the very first time since my


    miscarriage. It had been almost three months since then and I had healed some


    The ne that my husband had gotten me rested on my chest. The fact that our baby was no


    longer alive was an incredibly painful fact toe to terms with. But I was finally in a much better ce


    than I was before.


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    “Okay, we are ready here, Adide.” Emily, the interviewer, smiled at me. “If at any point in time you


    feel like you cannot continue please let me know and I will dly shift the conversation or I will end the


    interview.


    I nodded feeling grateful that I had made the right decision on picking which interviewer I wanted first.


    There were a lot of people who wanted to get a story out of me but I was not ready to delve that deeply


    and I didn’t think I ever would be.


    The rest of the crew readied the lights and made sure that all the cameras were pointing in the right


    direction. We got the countdown from 10 and my heart raced in my chest. I had been over this with


    Damon multiple times.


    Just breathe through it. It’s not life or death, you are fine.


    I repeated his words to myself inside of my head.


    And the camera began to roll.


    “Adide Steyn, what a pleasure it is to have you here.”


    “Thank you for having me.”


    I took a deep breath and hoped that this wouldn’t be the shit show I had convinced myself it would be.


    The interview was over after about 45 minutes. If I was being quite honest, it wasn’t as bad as I thought


    it would be. Emily had been so gracious and kind to me, she didn’t delve into topics that I didn’t want to


    speak about, something that I was truly and utterly grateful for.


    But as I kicked off my shoes so that I could lounge on the couch while I waited for my husband to get


    home, I was hit by a sudden wave of nausea.


    I had to brace myself against the wall to keep myself upright. My hand came to clutch my stomach,


    willing the difort to pause but sadly, it only increased.


    I had been so nervous about this interview that I didn’t eat breakfast, so maybe that was why I was


    feeling a little out of sorts. I tried to breathe through it all but nothing was working. My stomach churned


    and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep myself from spilling all the contents inside of my


    stomach. I raced toward the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time.


    When I was done I felt a little bit better, but I didn’t understand where that hade from. I leaned my


    head against the wall of the bathroom loving the way the marble cooled my heated skin.


    With much effort, I made it to my feet and stumbled to the sink. I turned on the water and washed my


    hands then I sshed my


    face with some cold water hoping to wake my senses up a little more.


    When I lifted my gaze I saw that I was as pale as a ghost’s eyes had dark circles under them. Thank


    God they had some makeup on otherwise I would have scared the viewers.


    Thest time I had felt anything simr to this I had been pregnant and 1—


    The possibility of something simr being the reason why I was feeling this way now hit me like a ton of


    bricks. I stood there frozen with the water stilling out of the faucet and my mind trying to calcte


    the days.


    There was no way I was pregnant.


    My body seemed to move on autopilot. I rushed up the stairs taking them two at a time until I came to


    our bathrooms. I rummaged through the cabs digging for the pregnancy test that I had stuffed in the


    back of thepartment. My hands


    were shaking and my heart was racing. I had no idea what to think.


    Damon and I weren’t even trying to have a child. In fact, thest thing we wanted was a child. I was still


    healing from thest time and I didn’t know if I was fully ready, both mentally or physically.


    With shaking hands, I peed on the stick and then I waited for what seemed to be an eternity. The box


    said that it would take 10 minutes for me to get a result. But the minutes felt like years and I was left


    with nothing but my nerves and my thoughts.


    Bing a mother was one of my greatest dreams. But after the miscarriage, I worried about what my


    next pregnancy would bring. Would I face the same challenges? Would my body even be ready to


    carry another child? Was my heart even ready to love another child?


    I pressed my hand over the small ‘G’ pendant that hung on my ne. My sweet baby, Garrett, was


    meant to be here in my arms, new and ready for the world. I still mourned for him, I still missed him. But


    maybe this was a chance at a new beginning, a fresh start.


    “Adide?” My husband’s voice carried into the bathroom as he entered our room. “Baby, are you in


    here?”


    “In here,” my voice came out so shaky.


    My husband walked into the bathroom, his eyes already filled with worry from the tone in my voice. He


    saw me standing by the counter with my elbows pressed against the marble and my eyes staring into


    the mirror and his body tensed.


    His eyes moved from my face down to the object in front of me. At first, he didn’t say anything and then


    his eyes met mine again in the mirror.


    “Is that…” his voice trailed off as his eyes moved between mine and the pregnancy test in front of me.


    You could cut the tension inside the bathroom with a knife, neither one of us said a thing or moved until


    a little shaky cry left my lips. Then my husband was at my side in seconds. The tears that 1 had fought


    so hard to fight back filled my eyes and spilled over


    “I’m scared,” I said into his arms as he held me to his chest. “We weren’t even trying. I… I don’t know if


    I’m ready”


    He pulled back, hisrge hands cupping my face. “Is it positive?”


    “I don’t know, I haven’t looked.” I was sure that the time was up.


    “You want to look together?” His soft voice was trying to ease my nerves but it didn’t do anything


    I nodded, my hands balling the material of his shirt into my fists.


    “One…”


    He grabbed the upside-down test on the counter.


    Two..”


    His eyes held mine and I could see the message behind them. “Whatever happens, I’m here!


    “Three..”


    We both turned our heads to the test in his hand.


    Oh. My. God.


    I had no idea what to feel.