Chapter 110


    I stood under the shower head allowing the water to wash over me like a waterfall. It had been over a


    week since I hade back home and this was the first time I had managed to shower. This was the


    first time I had rolled out of bed and moved. more than ten steps.


    The blood had finally stopped and all the pregnancy remains had passed through me and I was said to


    be back to normal


    now.


    So why did I feel anything but normal?


    I had thisrge hole in the middle of my chest and nothing I did could fill it. Not like I had tried any


    external stimnts to help numb the pain. Out of fear, my husband had hidden any and all alcohol. He


    had also safe-proofed the house.


    I knew he worried for me and to be honest, I worried for me too. I was so far trapped in my mind that at


    times I forgot about reality.


    I had been seeing my baby in my dreams. I would see his little face and his eyes that mirrored his


    father’s. I would hear his sweet angelicugh and the soft touch of his little palms. And every time I


    woke up I was thrust back into the reality that was my life. There was no baby and I was no longer


    pregnant. My sweet child only existed in my dreams and that destroyed me more than I had let on to


    my husband.


    The tears mixed in with the water from the shower. My silent sorrows turned into soft whimpers. They


    moved around the marble bathroom. The only thing that I could feel was the pain that had lodged itself


    deep in my chest. There had not been one single moment where it had let up. There had not been a


    single moment when I had felt like it let up. I was just stuck in this pit of pain and sorrow and it was


    never ending. 1 had never once in my life felt like I was living in hell until now.


    I was being tormented by demons that were likely of my own making. I didn’t even know what it was


    that I had done. I couldn’t remember.


    Had it been me who had slipped and caused myself to have a miscarriage? Had someone pushed me?


    And if it had been someone to push me then why would they do that to me? What could 1 have


    possibly done to them?


    N?velDrama.Org owns all ? content.


    The more I tried to remember the more my head would pound.


    My back hit the tiled wall and I slid down it. The sobs became louder and the pain released in my


    It was only secondster that Damon came in with a look of panic on his face.


    cries.


    “Adie?” He came to the ss window of the shower and took one look at me. He opened the door and


    came to sit by my side, clothes and all. He ced me on hisp and cradled me to his chest.


    The sobs continued. My entire body was wracked as I let out all the pain that my body was storing


    I don’t know how long we stayed under the spray of the water. But after my fires had quieted and my


    heart had been emptied for the time being Damon lifted us up.


    He carried me all the way to the closet where he ced me on my stool and patted me dry. He then got


    to work putting my skincare on and making sure that I was fully moisturized.


    1just sat there, my eyes bone dry and red. I watched him as he got me dressedyer byyer. And


    when he was finished he ced me by the vanity and brushed my wet hair.


    I just watched him through the mirror the entire time. I watched the way his eyes followed the brush as


    he moved it through my wet locks. He was so concentrated and it was adorable how much care he was


    putting into this.


    “I’m sorry.” the words slipped from my lips.


    He lifted his gaze to meet mine. “What are you sorry


    for?”


    “Me breaking down like that and breaking down like aplete and utter psycho.”


    “You are not a psycho, Adide. You just lost your son and had brain surgery. You’re allowed to break


    down and mourn for as long as you need to. I will be right here every single step of the way.”


    “And that’s the issue. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. The amount of times I have woken you up in


    your sleep from my screams. The constant crying and tears. I’m so sorry, Damon. You deserve a better


    wife than what I’m offering you.”


    He stopped brushing my hair and turned the chair so I was facing him. He crouched down to my level


    and cupped my check. The tender look in his eyes only increased my guilt.


    “Don’t apologize for grieving, my love.”


    His voice was so soft, like he was talking to a child “A tragic and horrific thing happened to you and if


    you were quiet and holding it together I would be worried. This breaking only means that you are


    shedding away the old and giving way to the new. You’re in metamorphosis.”


    He put it so beautifully. But how could such a beautiful process be so agonizing?


    The silence that passed between us was loud and thick. I had so many words that I wanted to say.


    More apologies that stood


    at the tip of my tongue but I held them back.


    “I miss him.” The words escaped me before I could fully register what I wanted to say. “I miss him and


    … and he should be alive in my arms.”


    The tears pricked my eyes but he made no attempt to hold me or console me with sweet words. He


    allowed me to speak, he allowed the words I had held back for days now.


    “I’m angry at myself. I’m his mother. I should have protected him. I should have made sure that he was


    safe.” We had wanted to keep the sex of the baby a surprise until the birth but I had always felt in my


    heart that he was a boy. It was mothers intuition


    “I can’t even remember what happened that night. And I don’t even know if it was my fault or not. Had I


    been careless? Had 1-”


    “Don’t you dare me yourself for this Adide? What happened was an ident. It was not your


    fault, you hear me? You’re not the one to me.”


    “Then who is? One minute I had our baby inside of me and then the next he was ripped away.


    Someone is at fault and if it’s not me then who?!”


    The tight feeling returned to my chest and that pain that I had expelled refilled rather quickly.


    “I can’t… I can’t be here anymore, Damon.” I gasped feeling like all the air was being taken from my


    lungs. “This ce, LA, it’s suffocating me and L.”


    “Then we leave,” he said like it was so simple. “Your productionpany has given you three weeks


    off. We can go anywhere you want so you can breathe different air. Just name the ce and I will have


    us packed up within the hour.”


    I stared into his eyes but I didn’t see an ounce of hesitance. “You’re serious?”


    “If what you need is freedom then I will give it to you. Just say where you want to go and we can leave.”


    The world was a big ce and I had endless options. But there was only one ce that was calling my


    name and one ce 1 knew that I could findfort in.


    “I want to go home.” I ced my hand on top of his on my cheek. “Let’s go back to Vegas.”


    “Done.”


    It was ironic that the same ce I had run from was the same ce running back to. I guess it was true


    what they said about the grass being greener. If only I had learned to water the grass in Nevada


    maybe, just maybe none of this would have happened to me.