Apparently, over the 10 months of not sleeping, unbeknownst to me I had umted quite the amount of mental stress that made my decisions cloudy and my practice less effective.
After awakening from my slumber, I felt so full of vigor that I could jump out of my caged bed and run outside if I wanted to.
In front of me, however, was a man with brown eyes and a semi bald head. He had a long white coat that reached his ankles while his mustache and monocle did not help make him look any younger than he was.
The old man was inspecting me with a nonchnt attitude that made me feel more like ab rat than a human.
The old man looked towards my parents and said a few words before leaving. What I could get out of the few words were "good and healthy" and the word "liquids" before leaving.
It was the break of dawn yet everyone except the brothers was wide awake. All of them looked worried and all I could do was feel guilty for waking them up.
Over the next few weeks before summer/autumn break my mother started to wean me. If eating normal food wasn''t bad enough, for some reason they thought allowing me to y with the boys was a good idea.
Even though I''m pretty sure they did it to familiarize myself with the men''s side of the family more, I hated the idea. I would fake sleeping so I don''t have to hang out with them while only remaining awake when my sister was around.
My grandmother had returned from her journey faster than expected which destroyed all my ns to fake sleep my way out of spending time with everyone.
When summer/autumn break started, my Birthday was closer than ever. But I realized something at the same time. Either everyone''s birthday was on the same date or this''s people didn''t celebrate birthdays, or at least we didn''t.
In thest 11 months of my life, I had not seen them celebrate a single birthday, not Aroura''s nor my parents, or even my brothers. They did have s family gathering even when I first walked through making the most celebratory thing we did be about me using my legs appropriately.
My magic hadn''t improved since the whole pain thing so I didn''t do anything since then.
What I realized right after being dipped in hotva though was that instead of exhaling all the elemental particles, only around 90% of the elemental particles came out meaning I probably absorbed the rest.
While watching my parents and sister use magic, I had realized something which give me many more questions than before. Why the hell do they chant? I didn''t get to read any books due to the fact I''m a child so my research had to postpone till I reach the age where a Child''s mental capacity isrge enough to understand what was being said.
However, I decided not to wait too long and so before I reached the age of one, I started to ask so many questions that I could tell I annoyed my parents and my brothers while Aroura was for some reason really happy to tell me everything she could.
I would ask "what is this called?'' to the mildest of things such as soap, cupboard, or even table, but no matter how annoying I was being, I''m unwilling to let my baby photographic memory sponge go to waste and therefore I shall increase my knowledge and mostly vocabry since it was the only thingcking.
By the time autumn came, I started to spend a lot of time with my grandmother asking her to read books for me while stopping her whenever I didn''t know what a word meant and would ask her to exin it to me or even draw it since she was a pretty good artist.
I would spend the rest of my time with Aroura or my mother while my father would only be home on weekends and even then, I would avoid spending time with the male side of the family.
I would sometimes ask questions about magic which for some reason theypletely refused to answer even when I begged.
When winter had hit, Aroura had to stay at school for the entire week rather than return for the weekend, and until winter ends, I won''t be able to see her. The brothers would go to school in the morning and return before dinner while my father woulde back after sunset covered in snow and lookingpletely beat.
By the time Spring had hit again, Aroura came back for the week break and grandma left immediately after spending the first few days without snow together. She had unintentionally taught me how to read books without her, allowing me to snatch a book now and then and sneakily asking her what certain words meant.
After she left I finally had gotten my chance. I knew a few locations of magic books that my sister had. I nned to steal them unnoticed and to practice the magic or even just learn the basics and rules of it.
After the little magic awakening I had, I didn''t improve much due tock of practice, time, and the fact that I hit a wall. I guess that it is because I don''t chant, or more importantly, I don''t know any chants.
One day when my sister was away I snuck into her room and went straight for the draw where I had spected to find the grimoires. I''d have to return them by the time she gets back while also having a good ce to hide them while everyone is awake.
I got out of the room and went straight to the attic. The attic was void of furniture or objects. It was empty and had only one source of light that came from the window at the end of the attic.
Iid the Grimoire on the floor while reading the title "Basics of magic". ording to what is written, magic can be used more easily in what is there rather than creating something from scratch.
While you cannot control a me without air magic, an existing me can easily be extinguished by dispersing the heat or using water magic to cool it down or increase the humidity.
"Using already existing water to make a ball of water is much easier than creating water out of thin air, while creating fire is much harder than simply increasing the size and strength of an already existing me."
For one, this means that what I''ve been doing so far is running before I could even walk which exins why I found everything difficult. While I saw air and earth magic as controlling was already there, Ipletely overlooked controlling an already existing me or puddle of water since I saw manipting the Elemental particles as more useful.
Instead, I should use those elemental particles to manipte what''s already in front of me, like a puddle or a candle me.
Furthermore, controlling the elements without casting is possible and is the Basics of every spell. I must be able to control water to then be able to cast a spell. That''s why heating a me or a fist-sized water ball is possible without chanting phrases.
There were also a few chants shown here. I decided to try the basic ones out so as not identally destroy anything.
I got up with my left hand holding the grimoire from the bottom while having my right hand outstretched towards the open window.
--------
"Lord of wind, howl through my will and blow everything in my path. Air bullet!"
...
What the f*ck?
''I just said the chant, shouldn''t the particles be reacting or something? Well that''s what was said in the book! Maybe the book is wrong?''
''nononono''
''There has to be a mistake right?''
I quickly got up to grab the book and repeat the chant over and over again until I gave up. My body mmed onto the ground allowing everyone downstairs to hear me, but honestly, I didn''t care.
The fact that I had worked so hard to use magic over a year just for it to fail me like this pissed me off to no end. I felt betrayed by my hard work, the only thing that had never betrayed me before.
When I worked hard in my past life, the harder I worked the more I would aplish and the better the results. No matter if I was talented enough, taught correctly, or even praised for my work, it didn''t change the fact that the results are due to how hard I worked.
However, right now I''ve seen myself work so hard over such a long time. I didn''t sleep for almost a year. I didn''t spend half as much time with the people I love for my research and practice.
''YET IT STILL FUCKING FAILED ME. LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE.''
''Maybe my father was right about me. I am a failure. I destroy everything I touch and I have no talent. I just keep failing over and over again no matter what.''
''WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE F*CKING JOURNEY IF THE END WILL BE SO MISERABLE?!'' I started to think of how good my grades were, yet no one even looked at me twice. even with my grades I still somehow got a miserable job, surrounded by a*sholes.
''WHAT''S THE POINT OF TRYING IF I''M GOING TO FAIL EVERY TIME?!''
''EVERY'' I mmed my fist onto the ground. ''GOD DAMN'' I m my fist onto the wall creating small dents at every syble.
''TIME!'' I punch the ground with all the strength I could muster
...
BOOM!
''What the Fu-?''
In the blink of an eye, I was looking at the ceiling of the attic. I was sent back and mmed into the wall behind me.
As the ringing in my ears faded and the smoke around me dissipated I started to hear footstepsing from the Attic door which was connected to stairs that lead downstairs.
My mother mmed the door open just to see a hole the size of my body on the Attic floor.
"PANDORA!? WHERE ARE YOU" she said with a panicky staggering voice.
When she closed the door she could finally see me. I wasying there, on the floor while holding my right arm that had its sleeve tattered and destroyed from the impact of myst punch.
''Man did I put my all into thatst punch. Well, good news is that I can use magic to apparently modify my body and release a ton of mana when attacking.''
''- bad news though, first of all, Ima get a beating for this. Secondly, I don''t think any normal child can do what the fuck I just did and thirdly... I need therapy.''
By the time I finished my thoughts, my mother was already holding me in her arms while examining the book that was half charred on the floor.
"Did you read this? Did Granny teach you how to read? Did Aroura give you this?" asked my mother with a pissed off tone
''if I say yes to any of these Ima get a beating, so I gotta think outside the box''
"I learned to read when all of you read stories to me. you didn''t let me do magic so I did it in secret because you would be angry at me if I did it in front of you" I replied while emphasizing every "you" in that sentence.
My mother had a look of guilt on her face before starting to cry and holding me tightly.
'' Ah f*fuuuuck me, who would have known she would have been so weak willed to cry immediately''
"Sorry mom. I know you all told me not to ask about magic until I''m bigger" I said while emphasizing "all" this time.
she stopped crying a few seconds afterward before bringing me downstairs and telling me off
''humans are such shallow fragile creatures''