<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Initializing System... Done!</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Welcome N/A to Larth! Your race is: Bacteria</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Good luck!</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Eh… My head hurts…
Wait… WHERE IS MY HEAD?
Where are my hands??
Who am I??
Alright… I’m starting to remember now…
Oh right, that stupid die decided to be prejudiced against me because of my superiority and rolled itself on a one.
But what’s done is done. I won’t hold all dice responsible for the actions of one bad die. I’m forgiving like that.
So… Judging from the blue boxes which I assume to be the System, I am a bacteria, and my name is N/A?
How rude. My real name is… uh…
Hold on…
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Would you like to change your name from N/A to Holden?
WARNING: This change is permanent until bestowed a name from someone other than yourself.</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Yes</td>
<td style="text-align: center">No</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Oh yes, definitely. I would just love to have my name be something stupid and nonsensical. Good job system.
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Congratulations! Your new name is nowHolden!</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
After several minutes of bashing my nonexistent head against the nonexistent wall, I decided to move on. I mean, what is a name, really? I’m still the same guy. A bacteriaby any other name would still suck. Well, at least now I know that the system doesn’t understand sarcasm.
Enough joking around, I think God said I can use this system to check my... Stats!
...Nothing appeared.
How about... Status!
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center" colspan="3">Status</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Name:Holden</td>
<td>STR</td>
<td style="text-align: left">1.5</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Age:10 minutes</td>
<td>AGI</td>
<td>2.2</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Race:Bacteria</td>
<td>INT</td>
<td>72.0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Planet:Larth</td>
<td>Luck</td>
<td>-100.0</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Sex:N/A</td>
<td>END</td>
<td>4.4</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Affliction:N/A</td>
<td>Magic Resist</td>
<td>4.4</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>EXP:0/1</td>
<td colspan="2">Level:1</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2" scope="rowgroup">Mana Regen: .1/hr</td>
<td>Mana:1/1</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2" scope="rowgroup">HP Regen: 0/hr</td>
<td>HP:5/5</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="2" scope="rowgroup">WP Regen:2/hr</td>
<td>Willpower:54/100</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="3" scope="rowgroup">Abilities:Sentience (Lv: 1)</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td colspan="3" scope="rowgroup">Titles:The "Prodigy"</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Ha. That’s funny. REAL FUNNY! I get a -100 in Luck?? Fitting though. Also, what is this title?
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.I sort of clicked on it? I mean, I know I didn’t really click on it, but I sort of clicked on it in my mind.
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">The "Prodigy"</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Being praised as someone who will achieve great things from a very early age, this being has a very high ego, high levels of sarcasm, and a superiority complex.</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
...
Moving on.
I mentally click (from now on, I''ll just say ''click'' because I don''t want to have to justify my actions every time I select something from stats) on ''Willpower''.
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">Willpower</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>A unique stat for someone who refuses to give up, even in the most dire of situations. When this being''s HP is at 0, it will survive at the cost of 5 Willpower per second. Unable to regenerate willpower in combat. Max Willpower is 100.</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
This??? This is what had God give me infinite potential? This useless stat? Oh cool, I get to survive, at MOST 20 more seconds. Not only that, but my WP regen is only 2 WP an hour? Why even add in that I am unable to regenerate willpower in combat if the willpower I regen out of combat is almost negligible?
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td colspan="2">Due to the statWillpowergetting on your nerves, you now, quite literally, have gained nerves!You have gained the abilityNervous System!</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Although the way I got it was pretty stupid, at least having nerves is pretty useful. I guess this means I have to experience pain again? Ugh... But at least I can experiencemy mom''s hugs... If I ever see her again...
...Ok, I am getting nowhere just feeling pity for myself. If I ever want to findJessica and my family again, I need to stop doing stupid things, evolve into something other than a bacteria, and gain abilities. Time to start moving. Hold up, now that I have received a nervous system, does that mean I can move on my own now, instead of me just following the gradient?
Well, apparently I am a special kind of bacteria, since I flex my arm, and it moves! Maybe I can use this arm to help propel me in substitution for legs!
And God said that bacteria don''t have arms, HA! He clearly hasn''t met THIS bacteria! By the way, what even IS a bacteria?
I click on the ''Bacteria'' panel.
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>
Bacteria:The most pitiful of organisms. They do not have any arms, legs, eyes, or anything. They are the smallest living creature. They do, however, have a structure called a flagellum that is used to propel themselves.
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Oh... A flagellum... I guess I''m not a special type of bacteria... I''m just a plain, regular bacteria...
...
...
Oh, no wonder no one is trying to cheer me up and tell me I''m special. I''m not even visible. Not only that, but there is no one around me. Not only that, but even if there were people around me, I don''t have a mouth to complain. This life of solitude is going to take some time getting used to...
<table style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">15 Minutes have now passed. Your grace period is now over. You will be subject to taking damage now.</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
...Wait what?
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center">
You are nowBurning. You will lose 3 HP every second.
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
WAIT WHAT????