Chapter 131


    Zenovia


    I stared at Cahan in shock, my ears ringing.


    “What?”


    “You should see your face. Your expression is priceless.” Cahan chuckled, but I found nothing funny


    about the way he casually dropped the bomb upon me.


    “Are you really sharing the truth with me? Selene…the Moon Goddess. She cursed you?”


    Cahan let his back rest on the chair and looked at the ceiling. “What would I get by feeding you with


    lies?”


    He countered. I had opened my mouth to say something, but I closed it abruptly.


    His reality was even absurder than some of the crazy theories I had heard about his curse. Some said


    he was cursed by a witch for some facy while others said that he killed his loved ones so fate worked


    against him.


    But nothing I had heard so far came even remotely close to the reality he was sharing with me.


    “How old are you, exactly?” I asked, my foot tapping restlessly on the floor and a slow grin appeared on


    his face.


    “Of all the questions I thought you would ask me, this did not make the list.”


    I frowned, folding my hands over my chest. I was not sure if I was ready to ask him the other questions.


    My mind was still reeling from the information dump.


    So, I replied sarcastically, trying to hide my nervousness.


    “That does not answer my question.”


    Why was he suddenly being cheeky? Was that a way to show how unbothered he was with the secrets


    he was uncovering? An attempt to hide his true grief and emotions by acting like he did not care?


    Cahan let out a sigh.


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    “I said I am the only one left from “The First Children’, so you have to guess how old that makes me.”


    My eyes grew as wide as saucers. I did not want to calcte. My brain was trying to process a lot at


    the moment.


    Seeing my perplexed expressions, he added,


    “I am older than most of the living creatures walking this earth. I am the unlucky one who survived while


    everyone I knew died. Well, most of them. I did not exactly keep track of the new lycans that Selene


    kept creating to add numbers to our army.”


    Cahan said, as his hands coiled into fists.


    “You are immortal?”


    I asked with a disbelieving look.


    “I wish you paid more attention to what I have been telling you.” He sighed again and raked a hand


    through his hair, letting his long hair fall to the sides in a messy way.


    I had the urge to touch the hair and rake my fingers through that silky mane, but resisted. I could not


    distract him right now. Or myself. I did not know when he would open up again if I did what my heart


    wanted me to do to him. With him.


    Cahan’s face was pained, and every word he spoke was like a


    self-inflicted wound. The more I asked, the more his cool facade seemed to be slipping away. It was


    visible in his bodynguage, though he tried to maintain a neutral tone.


    “I have been living with this knowledge, this burden for years. Not many know why I am cursed or what


    exactly happened all those years ago. I believe you are the first one I opened up to.”


    Cahan revealed, and I looked at him with a look of pure surprise. Not that my expressions had been


    any different for the past thirty minutes or so since he started speaking.


    “Not even Dru? How about Matteo and Elijah?” I asked. They had been living with him for years and


    were his loyal warriors and friends. Surely, I thought, he must have told them. But his answer was the


    exact opposite of my assumption.


    “Neither of them. They all believe the same thing, that some witch cursed


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    1. And I let them.”


    “But why? You told me that they keep looking for a solution and you know how dejected they feel to not


    be able to help you. So why do you let them follow false leads?” I blurted out.


    Cahan mmed his hand on the chair. “Because I cannot tell them. The curse forbade me to tell


    anybody anything. And think about it, Zee. What should I tell them? That their precious Selene cursed


    me? Should I tell them that the Goddess they pray to day and night to help them find a cure for me is


    the one who put me in such peril?”


    I could only stare at him in shock.


    Of all the things I had learned about him, this was beyond my wildest. imagination. At this point, I was


    just bbering things that popped up in my mind.


    “But…Drusi…she gets visions. She sees shes of things revolving around you…..why did you never


    tell her? She works day and night to find a cure and you hide such a huge secret from her, from your


    loyal


    warriors.”


    Cahan grabbed my hand and shook me, as if to pull me to my senses.


    “You are not listening. I said the curse forbid me to speak of the details. Telling anyone about it would


    mean their death. I could not tell them the truth and see them die. I am selfish, Zee. I have been the


    reason for countless deaths, and I live with that guilt every day. I cannot bear to live with the thought of


    causing them harm. I would not be able to forgive myself if anything happened to my people.”


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    Cahan leaned forward and ced his forehead on mine. I saw the way his face looked more and


    more troubled. He got up from the chair and walked towards the side table, grabbed a bottle of whisky


    and poured some for himself into a ss.


    “I…I have not spoken about all this in ages…or in forever. Those were the dark days and there was


    nothing but blood and massacre all around me. We would keep fighting and the pile of dead bodies


    always kept increasing. Selene…she was obsessed with taking Mirabel down, but Mirabel’s witches


    and wizards had something we didn’t.”


    “What?” My voice was barely a whisper.


    He let out a humorless chuckle. “A protector, Selene did not care about


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    apter 131


    those who died fighting for her. The severely injured were discarded as easily as the dead and she kept


    creating more lycans than tending to those who were injured.”


    He took a pause to look at me, knowing how I was an ardent believer in the Moon Goddess. Every


    werewolf was. We worshiped Selene like a mother and prayed to her for our well-being. I knew


    Cahan was not lying. I knew it with an unwavering certainty. His eyes spoke to me, not just his mouth


    and I could see how much it was hurting him to make this admission…but to hear that the Goddess you


    worshipped all your life could have been so cruel…it was jarring.


    Cahan kept sharing the incidents of his past as I sat staring at him, opening my mouth several times


    but closing it again when I would turn speechless.


    I racked my brain but could not find the right words to console him, to find a way to calm him down.


    “Days would turn into nights as the witches and wizards would try horrible magic spells on us to slow us


    down, to thwart our advances. In return, Selene gave us inhuman strength, lightning fast reflexes and


    turned us into monsters that could fight for hours without feeling pain.”


    Cahan took a sip from his ss and looked outside the window, particrly toward the sky where the


    moon was shining brightly.


    We all believed Selene resided in her pce on the moon. But C story told me it was the truth, though


    not as sweet and fluffy as w believed it to be.


    “I saw several of myrades die horrifying deaths. We were all bl with high resistance to pain and


    could keep fighting despite severe wounds. But even then…at some point, the body would give up. I…I


    sa my loyal warriors bleed to death and the life slowly seep out of their ey as I would just sit and watch.


    That was all I could do.”


    “Did… Selene not provide healers? Magic potions or something?” I asked, though based on his


    answers so far, I knew that was not the case.


    My heart was finding it hard to believe my Goddess could be like this.


    Cahan kept staring at the moon as if he was using Selene from earth, and she was silently


    hearing him.


    “She did absolutely nothing but make us fight until we died. Sometimes, I


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    truly wish I would have died in those battles, too.”


    “Please don’t say that, Cal.” I tried to not sob at the thought of not having him around me.


    He kept staring at the moon and downed the rest of the ss in one go, mming it a little hard on the


    windowsill.


    Luckily, the ss didn’t break and cut his skin.


    “And then I realized this madness had to end. We could not continue living like this. I could not spend


    restless days and sleepless nights seeing my people die and living with the guilt of not being able to


    save them.”


    “But…you could not save them all. You are not a….” I began, but trailed off as he looked back at me,


    his eyes shining with agony.


    “I am not a God? Yeah, I know that. But if the so called Goddess abandoned us, who were my soldiers


    supposed to look up to? I was themander in chief, so I was responsible for them.”