Suddenly and without warning there was a mighty impact, as something threw its weight against my attacker, sending bodies sprawling to recover their footing as both parties tumbled to my side. My rescuer was the mirror image of my attacker, albeit in much worse condition. And it was doing its damnedest to keep my assailant pinned down.


    Holy crap. Did that mob just… save me?


    Just as suddenly, yet another frenzied mob threw itself onto the brawl taking place mere inches from my avatar. It was the creature’s original opponent, and it was determined to finish what it had started.


    I didn’t know what the hell was going on, but one thing was for certain: I wasn’t looking this gift horse in the mouth. Not when its fellow horses’ mouths were equally horrific, and ready to tear my freshly minted flesh from my bones with their teeth. I got to my feet and hurriedly retreated further into the edges of the lair, frantically looking to the other players for help as I ran. But they all just stood there, glassy-eyed, like oddly muscular store mannequins modeling the latest in caveman chic. The only sign of life from any of them was emanating from the eyes of the bald, tattooed mage at the back of the room: they glowed with an eerie green light, his face strained and sweating. As suddenly as I had noticed their bizarre glow, his eyes dimmed. Simultaneously, one of the creatures behind me let out what could only have been its death cry. And I had a pretty good idea which shadow foal had bought it.


    I looked back, confirming that yes, my unexpected savior was now little more than a bloody mess splattered across the stone floor. To my relief, its assailants had gone back to hacking at the frozen bodies of the warriors surrounding them, evidently distracted by the easy prey. Which bought me time, if nothing else. But how much time? How long could a party of fighters who couldn’t even defend themselves sidetrack these monstrosities, before the damn things became my problem again?


    I surveyed my surroundings, quickly realizing that I was trapped in what appeared to be an underground of some kind. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected: Atonement Incorporated were incredibly secretive about the nature of their redemption software, arguing that information leaks only gave their potential customers the opportunity to enter on an uneven playing field. And after my short break on goblin island, I really didn’t have a clue what to expect. I understood that I was here to be punished, but this shitshow felt like overkill.


    <What the hell are you doing standing out in the open like that, you fuckin’ noob?> echoed a voice in my head, jolting me from my thoughts, adding: <Move your fuckin’ ass!> The voice was guttural but urgent.


    What the hell’s going on with my status bot, I wondered to myself, frantically looking in all directions. And when did the damn thing get so rude?


    <I’m not your status bot, you dumb fuck. Look at the bloody entrance.>


    To my surprise, a gangly, red-skinned individual was waving at me from behind a transparent glaze of energy. I was taken aback by just how ugly the humanoid creature was and could only assume it to be one of the games aforementioned demons.


    <Oi, I heard that,> continued the voice in my head. <Ugly is only a matter of perspective when you’re wearing a completely different species, mate. And trust me, when it comes to looks, you’ll be cursin’ yer pretty avatar when some big ogre takes a likin’ to yeh in the shower rooms. But for now, you’ve got even bigger problems to worry about, so get the fuck over here.>


    I took a few nervous steps forward, literally caught between the devil and the devil’s pony sanctuary. Neither option looked particularly inviting, but at least the humanoid was trying to be civil, which was more than I could say for my attackers.


    “Who are you?” I spat, trying my best to look threatening. “What the hell is going on here?” Hell felt like the appropriate choice of words, given the circumstances.


    <Come closer so I can talk to you properly,> it replied. <Human minds, unlike their feeble flesh, are notoriously difficult to penetrate. I can barely reach you.>


    Yup, the Demon with the blades jutting out of its arms was making references to puncturing my feeble avatar. I quickly decided there was no way in hell I was getting any closer to him, forcefield or not.


    The creature sighed in my head. <Look, it’s only a matter of time before the stronger warriors break free of the paralyze debuff that bastard boss has hit them with. But not if they die in the meantime. The lower our numbers, the less chance you have of sneaking out of here alive, so you need to keep those things occupied… give the others a chance to recover.”


    “Keep them fucking occupied?” I protested, as I watched one of the ‘things’ in question literally tear a meaty chunk out of a helpless barbarian’s thigh. “And how do you suggest that I do that? Try and make myself as chewy as possible? Hope that my noob avatar somehow gives them constipation?”


    <Attack the boss,> he replied, as if it was the simplest quest in the world. <You have decent speed for a noob, so if you get their attention then keep moving, you might buy the raid party an extra minute or two. It doesn’t even matter if you do any damage. What matters, is that you become the enemy’s prime target, drawing them away from the others.>This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    I looked back to the boss in question. It had now finished its dwarf sized snack and was stalking toward the individual I assumed to be the party’s gun mage.


    “I’ll be slaughtered,” I protested.


    <You’ll be slaughtered if the raid party is decimated before the debuff wears off. This is your only chance for survival, kid. And as a level I, you haven’t exactly got wiggle room to die.>


    “What the hell is that supposed to mean,” I demanded. “I’ll just respawn.”


    <You do know about the penalties though, right?>


    I shook my head. I didn’t like the sound of this.


    <Bloody noob’s, why they can’t just give you an instruction manual I’ll never know. Look, every time you respawn, you drop one level and lose one random skill point. Any player who hits level zero instantly qualifies for a five-year level lock on all combat skills…


    What? Holy crap! How is that fair?


    <Nothing’s fair around here, mate. You’ll learn that soon enough. But I’m glad to see the penny has dropped. Die, and you’ll be downgraded from ‘swordsman’ to ‘basic worker’, and then you’ll really have to work that pretty avatar of yours to survive.>


    Without warning, a translucent panel opened up in front of me.


    -[ Quest received from user: G’rrak. Would you like to view further detail? ]-


    Nervously and with little other option, I clicked yes.


    NEW QUEST – Monster fodder.


    A demon guard has granted you an important task.


    Goal: Distract the enemy, buying the raid party more time to recover.


    Type of quest – One off.


    Reward: 10 gold. Potential rescue by the raid party.


    Rep effect – Varies, depending on the number of lives saved.


    Accept Y/N?


    I turned to face my ‘quest.’ While we’d been ‘talking’, another of the barbarians had fallen, a trail of the warrior’s blood marking the path by which he had been dragged to the larger creature’s feet. The fact that the smaller mobs were feeding it only confirmed its boss status, and I was just in time to witness the horrific sight as the shadow stallion pretty much swallowed him whole.


    Hmmm. So, the thing is driven by hunger, and the smaller mobs exist purely to feed it. Surely if I hang back and let it have its fill, my odds of survival-


    <Wrong,> butted in the demon, hijacking my selfish thoughts. <This chamber won’t reopen until every combatant contained inside is dead. That includes you, noob-boy. So c’mon, we haven’t got all day to debate this. Hit the ‘yes’ tab, and I’ll even tell you where you can grab a couple of items that might increase your odds of survival.>


    That pretty much sealed the deal. All I currently had to my name was my sword, my dagger, and a small bundle of healing herbs. Anything the creature could give me that would increase my odds of survival was welcome. I hit yes.


    “Okay, whatever it is you’re offering, hand it over,” I demanded.


    <Ha! You think if I could penetrate this shield I wouldn’t have done so already? Get real, noob. I didn’t say I was going to give you the items myself. I said I’d tell you where you can get some. Now, look around. You see that extra-buff barbarian with the tattoos?>


    He was pretty hard to miss. I could only assume this one was the party’s tank. Either that, or he must have been huge to begin with, before the game started adding on the enhanced bulk of the barbarian trait. Perhaps a bit of both was at play. I nodded.


    <I know for a fact that he keeps a cryo-grenade and a healing potion hooked to his belt for easy access in combat. Between his paralyzed status and the items easy-to-reach location, you should be able to grab them both, even without the thievery skill.>


    I nodded again and began making my way over to the tattooed warrior, taking care not to attract the attention of the three smaller mobs. The demon’s voice faded out as I strayed further from the entrance, but just as the demon suggested, stealing the hulking warrior’s items was child’s play (although I was admittedly nervous as I fumbled with the belt of his imposing avatar… hopefully he would understand my reasons for blatantly robbing him. I certainly wouldn’t want to get on the warrior’s bad side).


    -[ Item acquired: Cryo-grenade. A throwing weapon empowered with a stored cryomancy spell. Used to freeze enemies. The item in itself causes no damage. Can be activated by non-arcane players. Duration: Varies depending on the opponent’s strength and level of magical resistance. Durability: 12/12. ]-


    -[ Item acquired: Healing potion. Replaces the player’s full health instantly. Durability: 6/8 ]-


    -[ You have acquired the thievery skill, level I. XP required to reach level II, 100. Warning: this was an immoral act, and your reputation has dropped by one point. ]-


    Shit! I should have known that last one would happen. The game was probably just looking at things in simplistic terms, and from that perspective, I’d robbed an extremely powerful player of his items in broad daylight, an action more than worthy of generating the morally dubious skill that was usually reserved only for the rogue. Technically, it was another skill I could use to my advantage. But I really could have done without further damage to my reputation. Especially after my dumb-ass move fighting the guards.


    I pocketed the items in my inventory and looked around me. The three smaller creatures were continued to be distracted by their chosen warriors vulnerable avatars. The fact they were lasting so long in such a one-sided battle was a testament to each barbarian’s tank-like status, but couldn’t go on indefinitely. Meanwhile, the boss seemed oddly content to just stare at the gun mage, stare burrowing into the arcane gunslinger as it waited for its foals to drag it the broken bodies of the dead and dying. Odd. What the hell was playing at? Lazily ordering room service when the canteen was literally on its doorstep? Getting its minions to tenderize its meals first? Was the gun mage the tantalizing dessert that it was saving for the end? Perhaps, it occurred to me, the creature was much smarter than that. It was probably letting its brood gain valuable XP by wearing the enemy down first, before finally moving in to steal the kill for itself. Perhaps the gun mage’s topped-up energy bar was keeping him alive in more ways than one, the creature loath to kill him before its minions had their chance to soften him up first. If so, surely that applied to me, too. Once the smaller creatures had used me to grind their XP, it would have no reason to hold back from swallowing me whole. But for now, perhaps I too was beneath its notice.


    But all of this was just a theory. Whatever the hell was going on, every fallen warrior was reducing my own odds of getting out of the boss lair alive.


    Oh well, I told myself, gripping my sword as I readied myself to strike. Another day, another quest. Here goes nothing.