The rest of the girls from Earth were sitting and Listening closely. We were all concerned. If I could


    have this happen, they could, too.


    “No,” I told her, “the men don’t know what pregnancy entails. I don’t think they’ve ever seen a pregnant


    woman. They can’tprehend what is happening. They still just think I’m getting fat.”


    “What will you do when you deliver?” an Earth girl asked.


    “I don’t know,” I told her. I stroked my stomach and felt the familiar roll as the child moved under my


    hand. “They Like to study things. I fear they will want to study the child,” I said quietly.


    A N G E L A ‘s L I B R A R Y


    Master Damien and his Brothers protected me. I wasn’t sure that protection extended to a child


    conceived by me. I feared for the babe, especially if it was female.


    I wanted to run away before the child was born, but I wasn’t sure where to go. It was unclear how I


    would even get away. My instinct to protect my baby got stronger every day.


    I was ill suited for this ce, though. There was no way I would be able to protect my child once it was


    born. It crushed me to realize what the men could do if they wanted to.


    “I remember pregnancy from Earth,” another girl whispered cing a hand on my stomach. “You


    should not be feeling the motions of the child already; your belly isn’t big enough. I don’t think your


    pregnancy willst the same time it does on Earth.”


    “You don’t think I have much time left, do you?” I asked quietly. “I have to do something quickly.”


    We never said the word escape to one another. It was a dangerous word to say here. They knew I


    feared my owners’ reaction to a child. It was assumed I had to get away.


    The worry about the child usuallysted all day. Today for some reason was different. I sat on the


    beach that afternoon and felt breathless with anticipation. It wasn’t clear to me what I was anticipating,


    but it excited me greatly. This feeling was so strong it was hard to ignore.


    My fake owners picked me up and I was almost giddy with the sensation.


    It was hard, but I fought it down. I did my best not to let my crazy emotions show to anyone.


    On my knees in the shower scrubbing the grime, I felt like singing.


    Actually, I did sing, until one of my owners chastised me. Giggling stupidly, I held the emotion inside


    and just tried to focus on the mundane task at hand.


    At the Keepers the next day the excitement inside of me was overwhelming. I was waiting so patiently


    for something. When Lunch came the emotions were in such a frenzy, I could barely eat. Even the


    Light haired Brother that fed me Lunch, who never noticed me, said something about my strange


    attitude.


    Late in the afternoon the depression set in. I cried on my pad as I waited for my owners toe and


    get me. The feeling tore at my heart.


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    I could notplete myself and felt abandoned.


    This made no sense. My fake owners came to pick me up as they always did. I wasn’t Left longer than I


    should have been. It felt insane and I bawledying on the ground.


    My fake owners literally had to pick me up and carry me to the transport. I couldn’t even find the


    strength to walk. It felt like my heart was being torn apart.


    I refused dinner and was put in the box for my bad behavior. It didn’t matter. I wanted to die, there was


    nothing left to live for.


    The emotions that I considered the sign of my schizophrenia were too strong to ignore. It was finally


    happening as I wailed in the box. My mind was breaking, I couldn’t even pretend to be normal.


    Iy awake in the darkness and didn’t sleep. Anger started to fester inside me.