Chapter 203
Ethan
Paisley looks confused by my announcement, but Nina sits up at attention. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said I’m finally a viable candidate for a spinal surgery that might restore my mobility.” I exin, not
wanting to beat around the bush, “and save my life.”
“Ethan that’s wonderful!” Nina beams, looking as though she wants to hug me. Unfortunately for her I
still have Paisley in my arms, so she doesn’t move from the couch.
I look to the sweet bundle in my arms. Her brow is furrowed in thought, and I can see the gears turning
in her young mind. “Like one of my surgries, Daddy?” She asks eventually. “When they don’ know if it ‘ll
actually work or not?”
Goddess how I hate that she knows to ask these questions, that her own experiences have made her
more attune to the flipside of my words than a grown she-wolf. “Yes, angel.” I confirm. “There’s only a
fifty percent chance it will work if I do it now. Do you know what that means?”
“Like half and half.” She nods, gnawing on her lower lip in thought and looking so much like Jane I
could cry. After a moment she looks back up at me, and I know what she’s going to ask before the
words leave her mouth. “What’s the other half?”
Fuck. I think miserably, did she have to inherit her mother’s brains? She’s too bloody smart for her own
good. I sit down next to Nina, settling Paisley in myp and looking at them both, though the majority of
my attention stays on my daughter. My fated mate has been incredibly helpful and supportive thesest
few months, but she’s not the one I’m worried about.
“Basically, this is my only chance.” I confess, staring deep into her emerald eyes. “If I wait, it still might
not work and I probably wouldn’t be myself anymore even if it did. And if it fails, well, I might note
home again.”
Actually, if it fails, I won’te home again. The other option is permanent paralysis, but I’ve already
decided that I would rather meet my end on the operating table, then spend the rest of my life trapped.
It’s not that I want my life to be over sooner than it has to be, I just don’t want to put Paisley through the
trauma of watching me go slowly mad, and I don’t want to risk harming her. If the surgery doesn’t work
Il have two months left with her at best – before my sanity breaks for good. And though every day with
my baby means the world to me, this is about her, not me. I want her to remember me bravely facing
the end, not foaming at the mouth and snarling at her. So, if I go through with the surgery Ill include a
provision to deliver euthanasia in the event of the procedure’s failure – the only question is whether I go
under the knife now, or wait for better chances.
“But if you don’t have the surgery, you’ll die anyway.” Nina states softly, ncing apologetically at
Paisley. I know she hates having these grown up conversations in front of a child, but I’ve put my foot
down about this. I’m not going to hide the truth from Paisley, I’m not going to give her aplex about
fearing death, and I’m not going to let her face the future unprepared.
“That’s right.” I confirm, squeezing my daughter a bit tighter.
“Why do you have to die at all, Daddy?” Paisley pouts, right on cue. I know she both understands these
concepts without fully appreciating theplexity or permanence of it all, which means we often end
up in conversations like this.
“Because everyone does sooner orter, Princess.”
I remind her, “but I don’t want to leave you any sooner than I possibly have to, which is why we have to
make this decision together. If the surgery works then I can live a long time. I can get old and wrinkly,
and growl at all your boyfriends when you start dating and walk you down the aisle at your wedding..
but if I don’t have it then I won’t even make it to your next birthday lovey, and nothing we can do can
change that.”
“But if it doesn’t work you might go even sooner!”
She argues, tears welling in her eyes.
“I know” I grimace. “And I don’t want that, but the pack is secure now because of Nina and Matthew,
and if anything happens to me you’ll always have your Mommy and your siblings.” I exhale, feeling the
weight of the whole world on my shoulders as I try to make a five year old understand a lifetime she
can’t evenprehend yet. To her two months feels like years, and I’m only too aware of it. “I want to
be in your life for years, Paisley, not months – don’t you?”
She stares up at me for a few minutes, chewing over the idea in her mind. Tears are streaming down
her cheeks now, but I don’t try to stop their flow. I know she needs to work through all these feelings on
her Own. Eventually she crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her chin up defiantly.
This text is ? N?velDrama/.Org.
“Fine, but you should know I already has a boyfriend”
This announcement is enough to distract me momentarily. “What, you do?”
“Yes.” She answers primly. “Billy, from school.”
“Oh,” I try to tell my growling wolf to calm down.
She’s five, five year olds hold hands on the ygrounds and call it dating, it isn’t real. “And how long
has Billy been your boyfriend?”
“Since yesterday.” Paisley announces, “He carried my bookbag for me today and everything.”
“Did you know about this?” I ask Nina, still trying to calm my irrational protectiveness.
“I did not.” Nina smirks. “We were too busy ying surprise hide and seek.”
“Well,” I strangle a protective snarl and try to make my voice even. “How about I take you to school
tomorrow and I can meet this Billy?” I suggest.
“Ethan, you cannot run around growling at kindergarteners.” Nina scolds. “Il take Paisley tomorrow like
usual.”
“She’s right, Daddy.” Paisley agrees, facing me so she can’t see Nina’s astonished expression, as far
as I know the two have never agreed about anything. “You’re not allowed to scare off my boyfriends,
even if you are dying.”
There’s nothing like a child’s honesty to cut you down to size. I think wryly. “Alright, alright. You Win,
now go get in the bath so I can talk to Nina.”
Paisley scampers off much too willingly, which makes me suspect that she has no intention of getting in
the bath and every intention of eavesdropping on us. “I better hear sshing, youngdy!” I call after
her. There’s a tiny huff and then the bathroom door pulls shut, shortly followed by the sounds of the tap
running.
“Well?” I ask, turning back to Nina. “What do you think?”
She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Frankly, I don’t think my opinion matters here –
you just got the only one that does.” There isn’t any bitterness in her voice, only honesty.
“I’d still like to know what you think. I know when we agreed to this arrangement I warned you it might
only be a few months, but I doubt you expected it might only be three.” I reason, searching her pretty
features. It’s the strangest sensation, to be with someone who feels so familiar, to whom I am
undeniably connected and who is undeniably attractive, yet feel absolutely nothing. Every time I
consider a she-wolf in a romantic light, I can only think of Jane. It starts as aparison, then
explodes into unrequited longing.
Goddess how I miss her.
“I won’t lie to you, I’m not thrilled that my reign as Luna might be so short, but the way I see it, I’m in the
same boat as Paisley. If you don’t do this, the best I can hope for is what, three more months?
Four?” She guesses.
“More like two.” I correct gently. “That’s when Matthew and I decided.. well, we’ve made
arrangements.” I exin.
Nina nods. “In my books, five months isn’t much better than three.” She shares, sping her fingers
together. “I want you to live for your sake and your daughters – but also for my own.”
Now I hesitate. “Are you saying that you would want to stay with me afterwards, if it goes well?
“That was the agreement wasn’t it?” Nina inquires.
I help you, and you give me the spot I deserve by your side.”
“I know, but I mean, would you want to make it official – to actually be mates?”
“Yes Ethan.” Nina assures me. “I think you should go through with this surgery, and if it doesn’t work
then I’ll help ensure all your ns for the pack and Paisley are carried out per your wishes. But when it
seeds, I want us to get married, and start a family of our own.”
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