Chapter 201


    Jane


    Three Months Later


    I keep waiting for life to return to normal. But I’m not sure it ever will. In the three months since I gave


    up Paisley for the second time, a lot has changed. The pup’s 5th birthday came and went, and though


    my youngest came to celebrate the event with us, Ethan stayed behind in the NightFang pack with his


    new mate.


    The news about Nina had taken me by little surprise – I’d always known he would find a she-wolf to


    rece me, though I admit I hadn’t expected it to happen so fast. I also hadn’t expected it to be his


    fated mate. When the news broke, I pretended it didn’t hurt, but I think everyone knew I was simply


    putting on a brave front. The distance between us makes it easier to convince myself Ethan doesn’t still


    hold power over me, but the truth is not a day goes by that I don’t think of him – that I don’t mourn his


    loss.


    Of course, I miss Paisley too, just not in the same way. Longing for my child is a very different matter


    than longing for my mate, and though she is not near me, we still talk every day. I never speak to


    Ethan, unless it is to arrange future visits or calls. I suppose the difference is that I haven’t lost my


    daughterpletely, but I know I’m never getting Ethan back no matter what I do.


    N?velDrama.Org ? content.


    But time passes whether we want it to or not, and as winter slowly thawed into spring, I saw my life


    changing in incredible ways despite my grief. If I didn’t know any better I’d think I had a guardian angel


    watching over me. My friends have been obscenely generous since I returned to the Dark Moon pack,


    but my good luck goes far beyond Linda, Eric and Devon spoiling me.


    It seems like every time Ie up against a problem or stumbling block, it disappears before I can


    begin to truly worry: When my fragrancepany was having difficulty winning a bid on newboratory


    because our mainpetitor held political leverage over the seller, the other buyer suddenly walked


    away without any exnation, leaving the path clear for me to win the sale. When I came up against a


    permitting issue with the research and development wing of my production, the pack regtory agency


    abruptly changed its policy, allowing me to secure my permits. When my car broke down, the dealer


    delivered a new, upgraded model to my door before I could even get an estimate on the repairs from


    my mechanic, stating a factory recall had entitled me to a brand new vehicle – but I never even called


    them.


    Of course, it’s not only my problems solving themselves, it’s also oddities like winning that spa voucher.


    I’ve won raffles at the pups Academy and random sweepstakes without ever entering. And when I


    attended a silent charity auction, I ended up winning an all expenses paid, dream vacation for the pups


    and I, even though I didn’t bid on it.


    I’ve even started receivingvish nursery furniture and infant essories which I was too shy to put on


    my baby shower registry, not wanting to impose on my friends. Sometimes I actually wonder if my


    mother’s ghost is going to reappear and exin that she’s been pulling the strings from the afterlife,


    because I can’t think of any other exnation. I know my friends are responsible for some things, but


    any goodwill they felt they owed me has been repaid a thousand times over at this point.


    Despite the good luck, I’ve been going to therapy twice a week- once with the pups and once on my


    own – in order to try and move forward from everything that happened. It hasn’t been easy for any of


    us, but I can truthfully say that we’re all doing better every day. In fact, I’m feeling so steady and


    grounded that I’ve finally decided to go out with Devon on a real date – not a family activity or a forced


    outing to prove anything to myself or Ethan, but a true evening of romance.


    I don’t know if I feel anything for Devon yet, but I figure I have to keep my heart open to the


    possibilities. After all, Ethan found his fated mate, my mate might be out there too. My wolf hates the


    idea, but listening to her instinctsnded me in a terrible rtionship more than once, so this time I’m


    listening to my head. Besides, Devon has been a devoted friend through thesest months, going to


    Lamaze sses and doctors appointments with me, providing a male role model for my boys, and


    showering Riley and I with affection – I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend, right?


    I’ve been trying to find the right time to bring up the topic of dating with him, but every time I decide to


    attempt it I end up losing my nerve at thest moment. So tonight I didn’t give myself time to think. I


    stopped at his house on my way home from work, only pausing to ask my sitter to stay a bitter with


    the pups.


    When I knock on the door, it takes a moment for Devon to answer. However, once he does, his entire


    face lights up. “Jane!” He smiles and hugs me warmly, ushering me inside. “I wasn’t expecting you.”


    “I know.” I hesitate for a moment. “Is that okay?”


    “Okay? It’s the best surprise I’ve had all day!” He insists. “Can I get you something to drink?”


    “Just water.” I request, rubbing my growing belly.


    I’m almost five months along now, and my baby is currently tapping dancing on my dder. “Could I


    use your restroom though?”


    “Of course.” He agrees, “You know the way.”


    I give myself a pep talk over the mirror once I’ve relieved myself, telling my reflection I’vee too far


    to chicken out now, When I finally emerge, Devon is waiting for me with a knowing expression. “Is there


    a reason you were telling yourself to woman up’ in there?”


    “Oh,” I flush. “You heard that?”


    “I did.” He answers gently, passing me a ss of water and pulling out a chair for me in the dining


    room.


    “Well, I came to see you because I’ve made a decision.” I announce, summoning my strength.


    “Yes?” He prompts easily.


    “Well, you know I’ve been working through a lot of my insecurities in therapy and trying to get a handle


    on my trust issues.” I begin, realizing how telling this simple fact is. Before Devon I never would have


    shared such personal details with anyone. “And I don’t want to put pressure on you I mean, know how


    odd this situation is and I know Ie with a lot of baggage.. I mean I already have four pups and


    another on the way, it’s not like with other she-wolves. Not that my children are baggage, just that there


    are lots of strings attached and they’re wonderful strings but-“


    “Janey, you’re rambling.” Devon chuckles, reaching out to take my hand. He gives it an affectionate


    squeeze, and I gulp in a deep breath. “


    Just tell me, whatever it is – it can’t be that bad.”


    “I want to go out with you.. like, on a date.” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “If you’re still interested,


    I mean. I think I’m ready.”


    Devon blinks, looking somewhat stunned. Still, he doesn’t release my hand, and I have to take that as


    a good sign, right? The seconds drag by, and when he doesn’t say anything, my heart sinks. “Oh,” I


    murmur, pulling my hand away.


    His warm fingers tighten around my own, “No, it’s not what you think!”


    “Then what is it?” I inquire, staring at the table where our hands lie sped.


    “Look” Devon sighs, “When we first reconnected, I was hoping you might finally see me in this light..


    after all this time. And I thought if I could just make you see how good we could be together, then


    eventually I could work up to sharing the truth with you.” He drags his free hand through his hair,


    “But that was before I really understood how badly Ethan hurt you, and I’ve seen all the progress


    you’ve made in thest few months. I couldn’t live with myself if I did anything to set you back after


    you’vee so far… and I can’t in good conscience start something with you without telling you.”


    “Without telling me what?” I press, my heart thumping nervously in my chest.


    “You’re not the only one with baggage, Jane.” He remarks pointedly. “And I don’t want to scare you


    away, but I also don’t want to be another man who lies to you.”


    Now I do pull my hand away, sensing betrayal ahead. Not Devon. I think. Please don’t let kind, caring


    Devon be like all the rest of them. Haven’t I been mistreated by enough men? Weren’t Eric and Ethan


    enough tost me a lifetime? “Have you been lying to me?” I squeak.


    “Yes,” Devon answers gravely. “I’m afraid that I have.”


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