Chapter 198


    Jane


    Watching Ethan drive away with Paisley just about destroyed me. When she answered my question,


    informing us all that she did indeed want to stay with her father, I tried to hide how badly it hurt me. I


    think I did an admirable job covering my emotions, until of course Parker, Ryder and Riley threw a


    collective fit. We’d only just gotten them calmed down when Ethan announced it was time to go, and


    then Paisley was sobbing and clinging to me and the other pups. It seems that however certain she felt


    about her decision, actually saying goodbye was another matter entirely.


    Finally Ethan scooped her up and carried her away, apparently deciding that if he waited until we were


    all done crying – they would never be able to leave. So I watched my youngest, precious daughter


    disappear into the distance, until Ethan’s car finally passed over the horizon and vanished from sight.


    Getting my remaining pups back into the car toplete our own journey had been easy after that, and


    their dramatic protests had drained energy so well that they quickly fell asleep.


    “What do I do now?” I ask Devon, ncing into the back seat of the car to ensure the other pups are


    still out cold.


    “You put one foot in front of the other.” He answers, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “And you keep


    doing that until you no longer have to think about it. One day soon you’ll be running at top speed, and


    this will all be a bad memory.”


    “I did that once before” I remind him. “But in my experience bad memories don’t always stay in the


    past.”


    “That’s true.” He acknowledges, ncing at me meaningfully, at the small hand still cradled in his.


    “But things that were negative at one time of your life can be positive in another. And if you live in


    constant fear of your past then you’ll always be a ve to it. You don’t want to live that way, Jane.


    And you don’t want that for your pups either.”


    “Can I ask you something?” I press, my curiosity about the years we spent apart growing.


    “Of course.” He agrees easily.


    “How did you move on when you left the Nightfang pack?” I inquire, trying to picture what it had been


    like for him. Granted, I left too, but I’d never been able to move on because of Paisley. I left a piece of


    my heart behind, and now… well now I’m doing it again. I suppose I’ll never be truly whole again, but


    that doesn’t mean I can’t try.


    “You mean move on from my old life, or move on from you?” Devon rifies, watching me out of the


    corner of his eye while he navigates the winding roads.


    “Both.”I reply, trying not to feel too guilty. I still can’t believe he left because of me.


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    “Well, moving on from my old life was difficult, but I took it one day at a time, and eventually enough


    time passed and I found enough happiness in my new pack that I stopped missing my old life. I think I’ll


    always be nostalgic for the nightfang pack, but I left when I was so young that I didn’t really figure out


    who I was untilter. You on the other hand… I’m not sure I ever actually got over you, Janey.”


    “So all that stuff you were saying about not being a ve to your past?” I question, the corner of my


    mouth twitching up.


    “Hey, just because I can’t take my own advice, doesn’t mean it’s not good.” He chuckles warmly.


    “Fair enough.” Iugh, dragging my fingers through my hair.


    We’re quiet then, the winteryndscape speeding by the windows growing cold and more bleak the


    further north we travel. Dead grass and barren trees are gradually reced by snow banks and


    evergreens, and I wonder if I’m doomed to be like Devon. I can leave the NightFang pack behind, I can


    Suddenly I can see the girl I once was, the teenager who fell in love with a man well above her station


    and somehow found the bravery to marry him. She would be ashamed of me for thinking this way, for


    letting a man steal her strength and break her spirit. I think of my daughters too, of the example I want


    to set for them not as a woman who falls down and is too afraid to get back up again, but as a woman


    who is stronger for her Scars, and has the courage to live, not just survive.


    “I don’t want to be ruled by my past.” I tell Devon, still staring thoughtfully out the windows. “I’ve been


    letting my pain control me for too long, I’ve let Ethan twist and contort me into someone I don’t


    recognize.. and I’m not going to do it anymore. I want to find a way to be happy.”


    “There’s the Jane I know.” Devon smiles over at me, a look of pride filling his eyes. “I’ve been waiting


    for her to turn up.”


    “I think I keep forgetting that just because things are good for a while, or bad for a while – it doesn’t


    mean they’re going to stay that way. Nothingsts forever. You have to work for the life you want, every


    single day. And I don’t know how to do that yet, I don’t know where to find that endurance.” I confess.


    Devon nods, as if he not only understands what I mean, but feels it too. “Then I’ll help you.”


    When we get home, the pups run upstairs, and I’m struck by how different this is from thest time we


    returned from the Nightfang pack. Now instead of tantrums and tears, my children are thrilled to see


    our familiar apartment. They tear through the front door, immediately letting Mr. Fluff out of his travel


    carrier and giving him a tour of his new home. That’s one detail that slipped my mind when we said


    goodbye to Paisley, I didn’t even consider the bunny until they were long gone. I have to call Ethan


    about getting Paisley another pet. I wonder if it’s even urred to her yet that choosing Ethan meant


    leaving the fuzzball behind.


    Devon graciously carts our luggage inside,plimenting the cozy space where I raised my babies. It


    isforting to be back here, in this ce that’s filled with so many memories of their young lives. It


    still doesn’t feel right without Paisley, but as long as my children are happy, I can make our lives here


    as full and bright as they were before Ethan came along and ruined everything again. I deposit a huge


    pile of mail on the table recalling the exasperated look our doorman gave me when we entered the


    building. He’d shoved the stack into my hands before I had a chance to look at it, but now I notice


    there’s a thick envelope from my bank.


    Finding a letter opener, I slice it open and extract the papers within, expecting some dull notifications


    about policy changes or ount maintenance. Instead, my jaw drops to the floor.


    “Oh my god.” I exim, scanning the letter.


    “What’s wrong?” Devon inquiresing to my side.


    “This says my mortgage was paid off – in full.” I share, showing him the documents. “It has to be a


    mistake, I had fifteen years left on the payment n.” It’s true that I could have paid it off early, if I


    wanted to drain my personal savings ount.


    However I’d never felt secure enough to take such a risk. It was more important to me to have money


    in the bank in case of emergencies, than to throw millions of dors at an apartment we might not even


    stay in.


    “It’s addressed to you, Jane.” Devon confirms. “And it lists this address and apartment number as the


    property. You might not have paid off the mortgage, but someone did.”


    “How is that possible?” I question,pletely baffled. “I mean I know a few people wealthy enough –


    Ethan included. But the only ones with both the money and the generosity to do something like this


    would be Eric and Linda. And even then this is way overboard!”


    “You should call them and find out.” Devon suggests, his brow furrowing. “I’m surprised the bank didn’t


    list a payee.”


    I’ve already moved on to the next letter, out of habit more than anything else. However the second


    letter is as shocking as the first. It’s a notification iming I’ve won a contest I’m certain I never


    entered. You won! The bold text reads,


    Congrattions, your vouchers for a year of free spa visits are inside.


    “What on earth is happening?” I mutter in astonishment. I mean, I suppose this is something that I


    might have randomly entered a lottery for and forgotten about, or perhaps a raggle from some


    corporate event, but I certainly didn’t put any effort into entering a contest like this.


    Devon looks over my shoulder, reading the notice with raised brows. “Wow. It looks like your luck is


    finally turning around, Janey.”


    The next letter is even stranger, a confirmation from a prepaid cleaning service promising to arrive


    every Friday for the foreseeable future and clean my house from top to bottom. My heart is beginning


    to race, and I’m wondering if this is some sort of wonderful dream. No more mortgage, spa visits,


    people to clean my house for me- it’s like Christmas hase all over again and Santa decided to


    spoil me absolutely rotten. “Am I hallucinating?”


    Devon shakes his head, “I promise this is real.”


    “I don’t understand.” I’m smiling now, so widely that my cheeks hurt. “How is any of this possible?”


    Devonughs, slinging his arm over my shoulders and giving me a squeeze. “Come on, you know what


    they say – don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. You deserve some pampering, just ept it.”


    I giggle, I actually giggle like a school girl and jump up and down, calling out to the pups. “Kids, get


    your Coats! We’re going out to celebrate!”


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