Chapter 186
Ethan
The moment I saw Devon, I was struck with a terrible idea. The most wonderful, terrible idea.
Jane might not be up to date in pack politics, but I know the Alpha of the Dark Moon pack just retired
his Beta before the holidays, and if the word on the street is correct, Devon will be his recement.
I’ve been counting on Matthew to keep an eye on me and help train my sessor – once I find one-
but I still haven’te across a solution for giving Jane and my pups a worthy father figure.
However if Devon is going to be in the Dark Moon pack, then he could be the answer to those my
problems. I wouldn’t have to worry about them so much if I knew Devon was there, and even if he isn’t
still in love with Jane, it will only be a matter of time before he falls again – only an idiot wouldn’t love
Jane.
My wolf is growling furiously at this idea, jealousy bubbling up inside us like a toxic tidal wave of green-
eyed fury, but I force down the feelings. The idea of letting another man sniff around my family goes
against everything I am, but I also know that I’m not in any state to defend my im on them – which is
exactly the problem. My wolf might want to fight anyone who goes near them, but my days of winning
fights are over. They need a new protector, and Devon is precisely the kind of man I would want for
Jane if I couldn’t have her myself – I’ve known that from the day he stepped down as my Beta.
The memory rises through my thoughts as I watch him walk away with Jane, headed for the coffee
house. I continue leading the pups down the street, but my mind is already a thousand miles away.
“What do you mean, you’re leaving?” I demand, staring at Devon in shock and horror. We’re
seventeen, and up until now we’d always nned on leading the pack together when my father steps
down. We’ve been friends since we were in diapers, and he’s never shown even the tiniest glimmer of
disloyalty. I can’t believe he’s just resigned and announced he’s quitting the territory.
“I’m sorry, Ethan.” He sighs, not looking me in the eye. “I wouldn’t do this if I thought there was any
other way.”
“What are you talking about?” I growl. “This has always been the n, you’ve always been a brother to
me – you can’t just walk away without any exnation, Devon.”
“Trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to know my reasons.” Devon begs, looking torn. “I’m trying
to do the right thing for everyone.”
I cross the room, bracing my hands on his burly shoulders. “Please, talk to me.” I plead, hating the way
he continues to avert his gaze. “If something is wrong I want to help.”
“You can’t help!” Devon explodes, finally raising his zing silver eyes to mine. I can feel his anger as if
it were my own, but more shocking than anything is the resentment I see in his expression.
It’s so fierce I have to take a step back.
“I don’t understand, have I done something to upset you?” I inquire, both needing and fearing the
answer.
“You can’t help.” Devon repeats heavily, shaking his head. “Because you are the problem.. not that you
can help it. I don’t even me you, really.. I just can’t stay.”
N?velDrama.Org ? content.
“Stop speaking in riddles.” I order, scrambling to figure out how I’ve offended him. “If I’m the problem
then I sure as hell can help it. Just tell me what to do, tell me what to change – what to say, who to pay,
who to kill.”
Devon emits a frustrated groan, dragging onerge hand through his curls and clenching his fists in
exasperation, “For the love of the Goddess Ethan, can’t you just let it go! Do you have to be such a
pain in the as*s!”
“Yes!” I thunder in return. “When ites to losing my best friend, I absolutely do!” I bite back, studying
his familiar face as though I’ve never seen it before. “And what about Jane, this will break her heart.”
The three of us have been tied at the hip for as long as I can remember. Jane might have met me first,
but she befriended Devon just as quickly as she befriended me. We’ve always been the three
musketeers, and though I worried falling in love with one of my best friends might alienate the other,
Devon never seemed the least bit phased.
When we told him we were dating, he justughed and said he’d wondered if we were ever going to
figure it out.
However when I say her name now he flinches, and for the first time I notice a hint of color flushing his
cheeks. He’s gone back to staring at the floor, and suddenly I know what he’s about to say before he
even opens his mouth. “Jane’s heart won’t ever be broken, as long as she has you. And I want her to
be happy more than I wish it for myself, so I’m not going to get in the way.”
“You think she’s your mate.” I guess, feeling suddenly sick to my stomach.
“What I think doesn’t matter. She doesn’t see me that way, she only has eyes for you.” Devon replies,
his even tone only hinting at the underlying grief I know he must be feeling.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, deting slightly.
“You’re my best friends and I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re together. You intend on
marrying her, don’t you?” He guesses, though I’ve never spoken this secret aloud.
“Yes.” I confirm, “if she’ll have me.”
“She will.” Devon confirms gravely, “And together you two will make the best leaders this pack has
seen in generations. I might be strong enough to give her up, but I’m not strong enough to stay here
and watch you build your lives together.”
“Does she know how you feel?” I ask, not sure I want to know the answer to this question. If the answer
is yes I don’t think I’d mind, but if it’s no… then shouldn’t he tell her? Shouldn’t he get to profess his
feelings? Shouldn’t Jane know all the options avable to her? What if… what if she realizes she’s
meant to be with Devon, instead of with me? Am I brave enough to risk that happening? No, I
immediately answer myself. I’m not, I can’t lose Jane.
“No, and she’s not going to.” Devon responds simply. “I won’t have either of you heartbroken on my
ount.”
“But… what if it’s meant to be you two. What if you are fated, and she just needs to hear it to realize?” I
feel as though the room is spinning all of a sudden, and for the first time in my memory, I feel uncertain
of myself, uncertain of my rtionship with Jane.
“I meant what I said.” Devon insists, “I don’t want to hurt you either, and even if we are mates… you’re
the stronger wolf. She’s safer with you. Her children will be Alphas that’s not something I can give her.”
“But Devon -“
“I don’t like it any more than you do.” He insists.
But I have to do this. She picked you, I have to respect that.”
“Where will you go?” I ask, hating myself for agreeing to this n. I feel a sharp stab of shame for my
cowardice. Maybe being an Alpha makes me selfish, or maybe Devon is simply a better man than I am.
If the tables were turned I can’t say that I would sacrifice myself this way – in fact I knew I wouldn’t. I
have the opportunity to give Jane the choice here and now, but I’m too afraid of losing her to do the
right thing.
“I haven’t figured that part out yet, but don’t worry – I’llnd on my feet. Just, do me a favor and wait
until I’m gone before you tell her.” Devon requests.
If she asks me to stay I’m not sure I’ll be able to refuse her.”
“I understand.” I nod, crossing the room and throwing my arms around him. “I’m sorry to see you,go.. It
was always supposed to be three of us running the pack, not just Jane and I.”
“You two will do amazing without me – you’ll see.”
He smiles sadly, hugging me tightly.
I’ll never forget the way Jane cried when I told her Devon was gone, or how horrible it had felt to tell her
I didn’t know the reason he left. And the more I look back on it, the more I realize I had been a coward
by not encouraging him to tell Jane how he felt. Maybe he was the right man for her all along, and my
selfishness stopped them from being together. He’d certainly been wrong when he told me jane would
never be heartbroken as long as we were together.
Either way, Devon let Jane go when he believed I was better for her, the least I can do now is return the
favor, no matter how badly it hurts.
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