Chapter 176
Jane
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Ethan must not mean what I think – he must be suggesting some other
solution and I simply don’t understand.
There’s no way he’ d offer to let me sleep with him, and while I’d like to say that I would never
contemte cuddling up to someone who’s been so cruel to me, the truth is that my wolf has no such
pride. She wants me to climb right into Ethans strong arms and never leave again.
I’m saying that I’ll stay with you if you need me to at a distance, of course.” He supplies simply.
At a distance. i repeat in my head. Of course. It would be crazy to think he’d ever want to sleep beside
me again, that he would willingly touch me. I should have learned my lesson earlier when I offered to
be his ve again. What a proud moment that was. “That won’t do any good.”I finally reply, my
tone rough and distant.
Why not?” Ethan inquires, clearly displeased with being refused. I clench my eyes shut, wishing I was
big or strong enough to shake my former mate – his mood swings are every bit as wild and vtile as
my own – and I’m pregnant! I don’t know how to cope with this strange new Ethan, it’s like the battle
with Aimon unhinged him somehow. I don’t recognize the man in front of me, and the only shes of
the old Ethan I can find are when he’s with our pups.
“Because my nightmares are about you.’ I answer hoarsely, sharing a truth I fully intended to keep
buried. “So you being there would only make them worse.
Ethan growls, and I fight the instinct to flinch.
Then I’ll give you a sleeping pill.” He grumbles.
Either way, you need to rest.”
Fine.” I mutter glumly. “Whatever you say, Ethan.
That’s what you meant by being civil, isn’t it? That I just follow your orders and obey your every whim?”
“That’s part of it.” He confirms, turning his mind to our earlier conversation. Parker was hurt before we
finished discussing his proposal – that we pretend to get along in front of the pups. “Does that mean
you’ll agree to my terms?”
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I don’t think I have any choice.” I admit, not bothering to mask my misery. “I haven’t had a say in any of
this, so why should I now?”
“Good.” Ethan nods, as if he didn’t hear the second part of my reply. “This is myst Christmas with the
pups, I want to make sure they remember it fondly.”
I j3rk my head up. I know Ethan said he wouldn’t change his mind about rejecting us, but part of me
thought he would make an exception for the pups every once in a while, like the holidays. “Please don’t
say that.” I beg, Please don’t shut them out of your life for good.”
I’m not going to have this argument again.” Ethan deres, pulling me away from the pups door until
we’re out of hearing range. “We can’t keep going around in circles like this – we have to move forward
with our lives.”
You love them.” It sounds like an usation, as if I’m indicting him for some terrible crime. Why is it so
hard for him to admit? He’s never shied away from showing affection before and it’s especially galling
after the lecture he gave the pups earlier. “I know you do! I can see it in your eyes every time you look
at them. This doesn’t have to be theirst Christmas with you… can’t you just keep an open mind? You
don’t know how you’ll feel in a few years, it’s too soon to be burning bridges this way.
I know that the pups need you more than they need me. Ethan asserts, pulling me away from “And I
won’t have you in my life, so that’s that.”
“Ethan, they need both of us.” I argue. That’s why we’re here, because I tried to go it alone and it didn’t
work!”
“No, you saw Parker today. When he was hurt he wanted you, because at the end of the day, your
bond with them is stronger than mine will ever be.” He surveys me closely. “When you’ re back on your
feet you’ll see I’m right. “
This is ridiculous, I don’t know how he thinks I’II ever be able to get back on my feet without him.
Losing him is the reason I’ve fallen so low in the first ce. “And just how are you nning on fixing
me, Ethan?” I snipe, “forcing me to sleep and telling the pups I love them won’t undo the damage
you’ve inflicted, especially if you’re nning on disappearing again.”
You just worry about taking care of yourself.
Ethan orders. I’ll handle the rest.”
And what about the pack? Are you going to deprive it of its future leader? Parker is your heir and Ryder
will be a strong Alpha one day.” I reminds him.
They can’t learn how to run a pack from me.”
“Leading is aboūt instinct.” He says simply. “My father wasn’t exactly an ideal role model and I figured it
out. They’ll be fine.
I’m not sure how it’s possible for anything to surprise me anymore. I’vee to expect nothing but
harshness and neglect from Ethan, but this is too much. For a man who is obsessed with duty and
responsibility, Ethan is being incredibly iresponsible. It simply doesn’tpute. The more time I spend
with him the more I think I must be missing something. His behavior is too erratic, too out of character
and unpredictable. Yet I can’t think of any reason why he might be doing this – what motive could he
possibly have to abandon us, other than simple malice?
“What are you nning?” I ask atst, “how do you intend on making things better – enough that the
pups won’t run right back to you when I take them home again?”
Ethan frowns. I’m going to phase myself out. I was reckless to cut ties so immediately. This time well do
it right, and that starts with giving them a happy holiday with their family. In the new year they l start
school, they’ll get into a routine and eventually when I start calling less and less, they’ll stop expecting
to hear from me. When they grow up they’ll realize you were the better parent for being there. You just
have to get through it in the meantime.
He makes it sound so simple, as if it’s a matter of logic and strategy rather than emotion. “Children
don’t forget that easily.” I inform him. And I still don’t understand why you’re so determined to reject
them too.”
“It’s not for you to understand.” He replies. Just ept it, move on and find someone new – someone
who can be a better role model to them than I am.”
A bitterugh spills from my tongue. Well there’s no denying that they need a stronger father figure.”
I snipe honestly. “I don’t want the boys to turn out like you, but you’re crazy if you think I could trust
another alpha enough to get involved with him.
You’ve done a very thorough job ensuring that will never happen.”
“Now who’s got a closed mind?” Ethan counters.
You don’t know what the future holds, and you’re still young. You might have a fated mate out there
yourself”
His words are positively jarring. I can’t fathom Ethan supporting the idea of me being with another man,
even if he doesn’t want me himself. He’s always been so possessive, fiercely protective, and now he’s
not only suggesting I find a new lover, but that another man might stand in for him with our pups.
Red gs whirl through my mind, warnings and instincts insisting that something is wrong here.
You want me to find my fated mate?” I repeat, trying to probe deeper, to see if I can get a reaction out
of Ethan or provoke him into revealing his motives.
“As you said, I love the pups.” Ethan proims icily,
I want them to have a good life, and if you can’t provide them one without the help of a man, then yes –
I’d support you finding a new mate.”
Well that might be difficult.” I muse aloud. “Not many wolves are eager to take on she-wolves with pups
from another man – let alone five of them.”
Ethan blinks, my words clearly not making sense to him. I hadn’t been nning on telling Ethan about
the pregnancy – I haven’t even told the pups yet.
Still, if I want to push him off bnce enough to make him show his hand, I can’t think of a better way.
Besides, I can’t keep the secret much longer.
My scent is going to change soon, and then everyone will know the truth. Besides, at this point it seems
like nothing could convince him to be involved in our children’s life, so telling him about the new baby
won’t risk anything. His brow furrows in confusion, five?
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