Chapter 168


    Jane


    “Daddy!” The sound of my pups’ frightened voices send me jerking upright in bed, suddenly and


    completely awake. I rush to their bedroom, flipping on the light and finding all four children piled on one


    bed, tears running down their cheeks.


    “Oh my loves, did you have nightmares?” I croon, immediately moving forward tofort them.


    They nod, but instead of running into my arms, they tighten their ranks. “Yes, but we don’t want you, we


    want Daddy!” Paisley cries.


    Pain slices through me, so powerfully it steals the breath from my lungs. I feel as though I’ve been


    punched in the stomach. No matter how bad things are between us, I’ve always been the one my pups


    turn to when they’re frightened or upset. “Well Daddy isn’t here.” I say shakily.”‘So you can have me, or


    nothing.”


    “T-then we ch-choose nothing.” Riley informs me through her sobs.


    I close my eyes so they can’t see me cry, nodding as my insides harden to stone. “Please don’t be that


    way.


    You know l love you, I don’t want you to be sad or scared, won’t you let me help?”


    They stubbornly shake their heads, cuddling closer to one another. “Fine.”I sniff turning for the door.


    “Do you want me to leave the light on?”


    They exchange nces. “Do we have to go back to sleep?”


    I nce at the clock, it’s after three AM,te enough that they could probably stay up and make up for


    lost sleep with an extra long nap. “No, I suppose not.”


    I can’t stand this. Normally I would cuddle them back to sleep and sing them lubies, the fact that they


    won’t let mefort them feels like the worst rejection, and I’m trying very hard not to fall to pieces in


    front of them. We head into the kitchen and I make them some warm milk, hoping they’ll get drowsy


    and go back to sleep, but prepared to stay up with them if they don’t. I’m exhausted myself – between


    the eventful evening and the baby quickly growing in my belly. It’s getting harder to keep up with my


    pups every day.


    They sit at the table in utter silence, and I emit a bbored sigh. “Do you want to tell me what you


    dreamed about?”


    I don’t expect them to actually share their dream with me, but after a few extended moments of silence


    Parker speaks up. “We were back at Daddy’s ‘partment, ying in the Iiving room. Then Eve and ‘Nita


    and the King came in and kidnapped us. We were locked in a cold dark room, listening to them talk


    about what to do with us. Eve just wanted to hurt us, but ‘Nita and the King wanted to use us to get to


    you and Daddy.”


    “And you all dreamed the same thing?” I ask.


    They nod, confirming my suspicion. This doesn’t surprise me. The pups have always shared dreams


    for as long as I can remember. “Well the good news is that it wasn’t real.” I tell them gently. “You know


    none of those people can ever hurt you or Daddy and I again. Eve is in prison, and Anita and the King


    are dead.”


    The pups nod, leaning against one another forfort, but they don’t say anymore. “You know when


    you were missing I used to have dreams about you. At the time I thought it was just my imagination in


    overdrive, but now I think it might have been the Goddess trying to lead me to you. I had one dream


    about you racing down a river, and fighting a huge snake. I had another where you were trapped


    underground, trying to get out. I always used to wake up screaming and crying, just like you did.” I


    share.


    “Did Daddy have dreams ’bout us too?” Paisley asks.


    “I’m sure he did.” I say honestly. “But he never told me about them. I think he was worried it would


    make me more afraid, but sometimes it’s nice to know that other people are feeling the same way you


    are.”


    “Daddy used to let me stay up and tell me stories when I had bad dreams.” Paisley tells us, staring


    solemnly at her*p.


    “Oh, what kinds of stories?” I press.


    “Stories’bout you.” She whispers, peeking up at me.


    I can see how terribly conflicted she is. 0f all the pups, she’s the one who’s stuck hardest in the middle.


    She had four years with Ethan, he was her entire world before I came along, and I was just a fantasy.


    I’m sure I’m not evening close to living up to her fantasy, but…


    “Will you tell us a story ’bout Daddy?” Ryder asks, looking as though he’s not sure whether this will


    make me angry or not.


    “Okay.” l agree, hating to think my babies might be afraid of my temper. “What kind of story?”


    “How ’bout the first Christmas you spent t’gether?”


    Paisley requests.


    N?vel/Dr(a)ma.Org - Content owner.


    “Okay.” I concede, delving back into my memories. “


    Well, the first year we were married wasn’t very exciting.”


    Not to mention it’s not even the least bit appropriate to share with my children. We spent the entire


    holiday in bed together, making love in every possible way and position Ethan could think of. “But the


    first Christmas we spent as a couple was actually a lot of fun. His parents didn’t know we were dating-“


    “Why not?” Riley asks.


    “Well, we were sixteen, and Ethan’s Mommy and Daddy didn’t think I was good enough for him. We


    came from different worlds in a lot of ways, and we knew they’d try to make us break up if they found


    out.” I exin, trying not to condemn Ethan’s mother too strongly, knowing Paisley loved her.


    “That’s ‘spicable.” Parker grimaced.


    “Despicable,” I correct gently. “And Ethan and I never let it stop us. He was determined for us to be


    together no matter what they thought. You know we actually had to get married in secret?”


    “You did?” Riley exims in awe.


    “We did.” I smile. “But that first Christmas, we were just kids, and I grew up without a lot of things. My


    mom worked really really hard, but we were poor so I never had any presents… a lot of times we didn’t


    even have food to eat.” Riley, Ryder and Parker have heard this before, but Paisley hasn’t ever heard


    me speak about my childhood before now.


    “Why not?!” She asks, her eyes wide with disbelief.


    “Because not everyone in the pack is as lucky as we are now. Some people really struggle, and it can


    be impossible to change things when you don’t have any money or any way to make more.” l answer


    softly, wanting to make sure she understands that the privileges she’s grown up with aren’t universal.


    “Your Daddy knew this, so he always brought me extra food and looked out for me. And that Christmas


    he gave me my first ever Christmas present.”


    “You mean you’d never had presents ‘afore?” Paisley inquires, absolutely shocked.


    “l used to get little things in my stocking from Santa,


    “I reply, “but I never had any big presents. I wasn’t expecting to get any that year either. I figured Ethan


    would bring Mom and I some of his family’s Christmas feast, but when he turned up at my door, he was


    carrying an armful of gifts. He even had something for my mother.”


    “What did he get you?” Riley asks eagerly.


    “Well, there was a beautiful ne far nicer than anything else I owned. There were expensive


    choctes and a pretty red dress. And you know that plush wolf that sits on my dresser?” I prompt,


    waiting for them to nod before continuing. “He gave me that too. It looks like his wolf and he used to


    joke that it would protect me when he wasn’t around.”


    The more I think about these memories, the harder it is to keep my emotions in check. I can feel the


    pups watching me like little hawks, and I try not to let on how nostalgic I’m feeling.


    “What did you get him?” Parker questions curiously.


    “l painted him a picture.” I shrug. “As I said, I didn’t have money, so all the gifts I gave were things Li


    made.”


    “I know that painting.” Paisley chirps. “Daddy used to keep it in his office, but he always used to catch


    me sneaking in to stare at it, so he moved it to my room. Is really pretty” she tells the others. “Of a wolf


    ying in the snow.”


    I actually knew this, l’d seen the painting in Paisley’s room at the penthouse, but I didn’t realize how it


    had gotten there. “Well, there you go.” I conclude weakly.


    That was our first Christmas.”


    The pups are watching each other again, speaking their secret quadrupletnguage I can never


    understand.


    “Won’t you miss him this year?” Paisley asks after a moment.


    “Yes.” I answer honestly, sick of lying and knowing they won’t believe it anyway.


    “Then why can’t we be together?” Ryder demands.


    “Because it’s simply not possible.” I reply, gentle but firm. “I wish it was, but there are some things we


    can’t change, and this is one of them.”


    “I don’ understand.” Parker frowns.


    “I know you don’t, sweetheart.” As I look around at my young children, I decide that I might not be able


    to fix everything in their lives, but I can at least try to call Ethan. I haven’t let myself consider this


    possibility before -knowing I won’t seed and not sure my pride can take another defeat. But looking


    at them now, I realize I have to try. I know I’ll probablye to regret it, but l’d regret it more if I didn’t


    try everyst recourse for my pups. So this afternoon when they do down for their naps, I’m going to


    svck it up and call their father for the first time since he rejected me.


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