<Congratulations, You''re Dead!> A voice boomed out over a shapeless void. <Looks like Truck-kun strikes again. Good on you for trying to get back in shape, but maybe you shouldn''t have picked the busiest street in town to jog down. Hmm? Oh well, it''s not like she would''ve gone for you, even if you lost the weight. Daddy issues, that one.>
''what? wait, why can''t i talk?''
<You''re dead, Truck-kun, Daddy-issues, we''ve been over this, do try to keep up.> The voice replies to my unspoken questions. <Now, aside from some... ''questionable'' choices in pornography, you were a decent enough person. Not great, but not terrible either. So, back into the wheel for you, good luck, and maybe watch out for cars this time.>
''...''
***
Darkness, warmth, pressure, then light, and... ''are those teeth?''
***
<Congratulations’... Wait, you again, that was quick. What, wolves? In this day and age? Seriously? You got eaten by fucking wolves? Eh, whatever. Take two.>
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Darkness, warmth...
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<Con... Oh, fucking hell, you didn''t even get born that time. Take three.>
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<What? Wolves again, that''s like the third time now... whatever, take twelve.>
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<HAHAHAHAHAHAH Take HAHAH fortyHAHAfour HAAHAHAHHAH.>
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<Wolves again... Seriously? I hope they fire the idiot who thought up the whole "Birthing in Nature" idea. Take eighty-seven. No, you know what? Just no. It was funny the first few dozen times, especially take forty-three. I mean, who in their right mind decides to give birth while skydiving? I Put that shit up on GodTube and it''s already got like a million hits. But, this is getting old now. So, let''s see just what is going on with you... Oof, how''d I miss that? Guess the porn distracted me. Hah!>
''...''
<But, wow, you really pissed Him off, a few life-times pre Truck-kun, that is. Looks like the good karma in your past lives protected you, but it finally had a chance to catch up to you this time around. But gods, what an ass He is, making all this extra work for me. Hmm...> The voice trailed off. <Yeah, that could work. Alright, I got a deal for you dude, if you''re up for it. See, the gods in the next pantheon over, they''re dicks, to put it bluntly. Well, Temmie''s alright, she throws the best parties. And sure, we all kinda are assholes, especially Him. But seriously, fuck those guys... except for Temmie.>The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
''...''
<Okay, okay, I''m getting to it, I''m getting to it. So, normally I''m not allowed to mess with them, but seeing as you''ve got His mark. Well, they''ll just blame Him for whatever trouble you cause. So, I''m gonna hook you up, man. The full Isekai treatment. They got the whole sword and sorcery thing going on anyways. So, it''s perfect. I''ll even start you out as an adult so you don''t have to deal with that grown mind in a baby''s body B.S. Though, you will miss out on sucking on some titty whenever you want. Well, until you get your own girl, or girls, or guys. I don''t judge... well, not for who you''re fucking, at least. And hells, since forty-three was so funny, 1.2 million views bee-tee-dub, I''ll even let you pick your species and powers and shit.>
The formless void shifts and shapes into...
''is this...''
<The character screen from a Korean MMO? You know it. Though, I did add a few extra sliders. But please, don''t make your dick ridiculously huge or anything stupid like that. What you had pre Truck-kun would make any woman happy. Well, maybe not Daddy-issues... But, never mind her. Take your time, get something you''ll be happy spending the rest of your life in. I got other shit to do for now, so let me know when you''re done. Already at 1.3 and still climbing>
''...okay, anything beats dying over and over again. and, i wasn''t just getting into shape because of keira either.'' I add, even though I know it''s not entirely true.
Voice guy doesn''t respond, so I just get down to it. And by that, I mean reading everything about everything. How else am I going to min-max the shit outta this? Don''t get me wrong, I''m no munchkin. But, I''d be an idiot not to take advantage of this opportunity.
***
''i think this works.'' I mutter to myself after who knows how long.
<You done? Because the vid just broke 6.5 mil, dude.>
''...''
<So, what’cha got for me? Plantkin, eh? I suppose that makes sense for a botany student. And you must be tired of the wolves? Don''t blame you there, though do watch your berries. Hah! Now, let''s see... Shape-shifting and extra appendages... Why am I not surprised? Just remember ''consentacles are bestacles'', alright.>
''...no comment.''
<Hah. Moving on. Nature magic duh, don''t want to waste that racial bonus. A handful of utility spells and abilities too, but it looks like you spent most of your points bringing your growth potential up to dragon levels, your strength to that of a beastkin, and your magic to match the elves. Not bad, and it was a lot cheaper than just picking full dragonkin or something similar since Plantkin already get more powerful as they age.>
He spends a few minutes checking everything over, but soon I get the impression that he nods in satisfaction.
<Everything looks good, and since your video is doing so good, I''m going to give you a perk. I mean hells, the video just jumped up to 6.9 million hits and I''ve gotten nearly a million subs just from it. The wolf compilation is doing pretty well too. So, I think you earned it.>
''thanks... i think. so, what kind of perk are we talking about?''
<What do you want? I''m feeling generous, so as long as it''s not too crazy, I''ll at least consider it.>
''i totally want to ask for an internet connection, but i don''t think that''ll fly. so, hmm? how about my media collection?''
<Yeah, what the hells. But, no porn, I don''t want you sitting around the forest doing nothing but jerking it all the time.>
''cool, thanks.''
<More than welcome, now get your ass outta here! And if anyone asks, He sent you. Oh, and say hi to Temmie-chan for me, she''s a doll.>
The void returns, now with a sense of motion to it. A speck of green in the distance rapidly swells until...
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