Book 14: Chapter 37


    Ill go with you, stated Nier.


    I turned around to look at Nier, who was behind me. I hesitated for a moment before replying, Nier, Ill be fine on my own. This is my own business. I dont know what Ill have to go through, and I dont know what Ill have to face. I dont even know what I should go do, so its pointless for you to follow me.


    Lucia surrendered on her own ord in the contest. She couldnt physically match Nier, after all. Nier didnt go too crazy, however. Instead, she wasnt willing to go for round two. She just wanted to hug me tightly. She didnt kick Lucia out, either, so the two woke up in each others embrace just as in the Imperial Pce of Duargana, except someone else reced Mommy Vyvyans position.


    I told Nier about my body and my uncertain future. She was very calm about it as though she had predicted the possibility a long time ago. She didnt cry or make a scene. She merely tightened her arms around me and breathed gently. After she woke up, and I told her I was going to search for a way to live, she stood behind me and dered, Im still going with you!!


    Nier quickly walked up to me and grabbed hold of my hand. In an anxious, yet resolute, voice, she continued, Youre my husband and my Prince. Im your wife and your bodyguard. Your life is currently at risk, so its a given that I stay by your side to protect you. I dont want to leave you no matter where you go or what we have to face. I want to be by your side, Your Majesty, Troy, Dear I dont want to experience this again. I dont want to search for you in tears again. Ive been living in nightmares thesest few days that Ive been without you. I dont know what I should do. To you, Im Nier, but to me, youre my entire world, Dear!


    Nier held my hand, and suppressed her hoarse voice and tears with her determined voice. I hugged her. I stroked her long ck hair behind her. She gently trembled in my arms. She bit down on her lip to hold back her tears. I whispered over her shoulder, The same applies for me, Nier. Youre an irreceable part of my world, as well. Im very sorry about leaving without a word thesest few days, Nier. I really wanted to be by your sides. I dreamt of you all every night when I was out there. I dont want to separate from you again, not even for a second


    Then


    Thats precisely why I must leave alone. I cut Nier off and exined, Nier, I honestly dont know what exactly will happen. I want to live on for you all, but I dont know what I must do, nor do I know what exactly Ill have to face. Therefore, you cant apany me. What are we going to do if something happens to you? Im supposed to be a dying man, so its no big deal if I fall, but not you.


    Im your bodyguard; I must protect you if you are in danger.


    Youre not just my bodyguard. Youre also Daisys mom.


    I cupped Niers face in my hands. I looked at her slightly emotional and anxious face. Nier pressed her hands on mine. I felt her shaky unease and despair. Nier looked awe-inspiring and invincible when she held a sword. When she held my hand, she seemed lost as an ordinary girl.


    Daisy is pitiful, Nier. When you left to search for me, she basically had no mom or dad. Shes still a kid. She needs her parents with her right now, but neither of us was there. Lucia may be able to look after her and have thepany of Vera and Nona, but its not the same. Nier, Daisy is still young. She needs her parents to take care of her. I fail as a father, so you must be an excellent mom. You should know that a child cant be without her mother, right? You should be aware of how pitiful a child without parents is.


    Niers gaze changed. Despair surfaced in her anxious and tense eyes. I didnt know if she regretted leaving her child behind without any hesitation to search for me. If it wasnt for Lucia, who wouldve taken care of Daisy? Niers mother never bothered with her and always wanted to get rid of her. Nier hated her mother to the very core. That was also why she absolutely detested her female gender. I didnt know if shed feel guilty and agony as a result of what I said, for she became exactly what she despised most.


    Sorry Your Majesty


    I mustve hit where it hurt most. Nier instantly lost control of her tears as they coursed down her face. Her tears were filled with panic and self-loathing for her mistake. She hated her mother most for the way that she treated her, yet she, too, abandoned her child without any hesitation and left. Daisy was in the same position she was in back then. Fortunately, Daisy still had lots of others around her that loved her.


    You shouldnt be apologising to me, Nier. You should be apologising to Daisy. Daisy would surely be very happy to see you now. Nier, your entire world shouldnt consist of me, alone. It should also include our cutest daughter. You dont need toe with me. Ill be sure to return to your side for your sake and our daughters sake. You just need to wait for me. Didnt Ie back this time?


    Nier gradually lowered her head and sobbed. I gently caressed her hair. I then pulled her into my arms and stopped talking. I figured it was enough to calm her down. She tightly gripped onto my clothes and buried her head on my chest, which she used to wipe her tears. She ground her teeth so hard that I could hear it. She did so, because of her agony and regret. She bit the clothing material in front of her with bitterness. I tightly hugged her and waited for her to calm down.


    A momentter, Nier raised her head filled with tears. Due to her tears, her eyes didnt look violent and bloody as usual. She held my hand tightly: Dear please please make sure to return We need you. I need you. Daisy also needs you Youre right. Daisy needs to family  aplete family. Ive been through that, so I dont want her to suffer the same misery Still, Daisy must definitely have a qualified father, as well!


    I know. Ill do my best. Ill give it everything I have this time. Ill do my best to live for your sakes, as youre the people I love most.


    I wanted to live on for Mommy Elizabeths sake, too. I was too foolish in the past. I mustve deeply hurt Mommy Vyvyan, but I didnt have time to go back to see her. I was confident shed forgive me once she saw I had undergone a full recovery, nevertheless


    I held Niers hand back. With a smile, I said, Lets go. Lets go see Daisy. Daisy hasnt seen the two of us for days. She should be happy to see us, I said with a smile and her hand in mine. Nier wiped her tears. I reached out to touch her wet eyshes. I looked at her beautiful pear-shaped face that had tears on it and quietlyughed: Nier, right now, youre different to how you were when I first met you back then. I never saw you cry when I was at Hilles City.


    NIer blushed then turned her head away. She sounded as though she was somewhat pleading me when she said, Dear at the time I admit I did pretty poorly At the time, I felt that youd steal Her Majesty from me, and I also felt that you were very weak and very powerless I was still ignorant back then


    With a firm hold on her hand, I responded, Its fine, Nier. I liked you back then, too. I really liked you back then. You dont need to feel apologetic about it. You were you; that was also Nier, the Nier I deeply love. You were also very charming back then. The heroic and suave way you wield your sword is mesmerising. I still frequently dream of you in your white uniform, for the beauty of my dreams is right here next to me. Nier, I will never forget the scene of when you first weed me. That scene lit up my entire month.


    Nier turned back to look at my sincere gaze. Surprisingly, she blushed, If you can return this time, I will definitely wee you as I did in the past! Ill wee you at the Imperial City entrance. Ill wee you home, but this time itll be back to our own home.


    Mm, thats right. Back to <em>our</em> home!


    I held Niers hand tighter than ever. Her hand wasnt delicate and smooth, since she had lots of calluses and bumps from her training and prolonged sword wielding. Despite that, her hands were still very warm. We went over to Daisys crib and watched her sleep. Nier picked Daisy up and gave her a gentle kiss on her face. Nier looked at Daisys face that was almost identical to her own. Nier had guilt and anguish written all over her eyes. Perhaps she was suffering even more, since it reminded her of her own past.


    Nier kissed her face again and sorrowfully murmured, Sorry Daisy Sorry Mommy was wrong Mommy was wrong Mommy will never leave you My dear child My most beloved child Youre His Majestys daughter and my most beloved child Mommy will take care of you by your side and protect you forever Daisy I hope you can live a life of bliss and gentleness I hope you dont live a life like mine Your father will be back. Im absolutely positive that he will be back!


    Youre right. I will be back. I definitely will be back, I told myself.