Book 4: Chapter 5


    I walked on the street with my head down causing me to bump someone aside. I didnt know where I was headed or if there was any point ining out here on my own. I was just furious, very furious. A fit of anger is meaningless.


    I know.


    I understand that.


    But I dont have anything other than my rage right now. Rage is a meaningless thing to Castell, but its the only thing I possess, even though its absolutely meaningless. It wont let me have my revenge, but it reminds me that Mera once lived and gives me the courage to stand before any man.


    Im not going to let Meras death be in vain. When I left, Mera watched me leave from behind. You want me to give up just because I could be in danger? How am I going to look her in the eye when I return if I just give up?


    But who else can I ask to help me here? I dont have anyone whos loyal to me here. The freezing winds blew on my face, freezing my skin as I walked down the road. Nobody will stop for me. Im alone here in humanitysnds, just as Castell mentioned. Without the empresss protection, Im nobody here.


    Castells loyalty is devoted to the empress, and so is Niers. The only one who can stand by my side is Luna, but she cant help me.


    I stopped in my tracks. A huge helpless and lonely feeling hit me hard, blurring my vision. I rubbed my nose. I dont know if my nose was irritated by the cold winds outside or the hopelessness I felt in my heart. Everybody around wrapped their overcoats around themselves tightly and left like birds returning home to their respective nests. I was left standing alone in the middle of the road like a spirit that didnt belong in this world. Nobody paid attention to me, nor did anybody care about me. I just stood there, watching them hurrying along.


    I rubbed my eyes to restore my vision and took in a big breath as I quivered and looked at the tall tower in the distance. Therge clocks bronze colour glimmered below the re. The majestic aura of the huge church echoed with the pce as if it represented the location of the leader of the spirit of the citizens. The angel with two wings on the tower looked down at the people, is if it were fondly overlooking its citizens.


    The elves have never acknowledged humans as the citizens of god. They dont even possess mana yet they pray for the blessings of god. Its a joke to the elves. The elves worship god because god can bestow them with miracles. God can bestow them with mana, but what about humans?


    Humans have never received the blessings of god, yet they consider themselves the citizens of god. Humans really will do anything to put themselves at ease.


    What a joke. They believe in god, yet dont understand gods will.


    Your majesty.


    A voice suddenly called out from behind. I turned my head around and saw Niers nk expression.


    Nier looked at me calmly like she came to ask me toe home for dinner. She calmly said: Its getting dark. Its dangerous for you to act alone. If you need to go out for something, please notify me.


    I looked nkly at Niers unmoving expression and took in a deep breath. I then decadently sat down on a chair by the side, let out a long sigh and said: I thought you were here to call me back.


    I am but just a bodyguard. I dont care where you go. I only care about your safety.


    Nier stood before me with her hand ced on her sword handle. Her white cape shifted slightly as the wind blew. Under the fires lighting up the road, her emerald eyes reflected the mes, but they could not cover her lifeless eyes. The mes were destined to only burn outside. How can I get Niers me to light up for me?


    Nier I want to hear your opinion on the matter I. I.


    My opinion is to leave it to her majesty to handle. Nier looked at me and continued in aposed tone, I dont know whats happening with the church, nor do I understand the power bnce. However, I believe you to be the most powerless existence in the pce. Without her majestys support, it is impossible for you to do anything.


    I smiled helplessly and then rested my chin in my hands, keeping silent for a long time.


    Mera was right. Both power and determination are necessary. When I killed her, I had both determination and a sword, so I could hold her corpse. But I only have meaningless rage right now. I wanted to get to the bottom of the matter, but I couldnt even enter the church.


    What if I still want to investigate it?


    Then I shall investigate it with you.


    Nier looked as calm as usual.


    I ced my hands supporting my face down, looked at Nier and said: You might die.


    I already told you, I dont care where you want to go, protecting you is my duty. If you are in danger, I will definitely protect you. If you die, I will have failed in my duty, and I shallmit suicide to apologise. Nier looked at me casually and continued, That is but just a suggestion. If you insist on continuing forward, I shall follow you. Or rather, I admire your courage. While courage cannot solve problems, not everybody can be courageous. One who is courageous would be more admirable even if he were to perish.


    I looked at Nier. Her expression didnt change. However, I could feel that Niers attitude towards me had eased up a lot. Perhaps Valkyries pursue courage. Nier wont say anything to me, but shes always by my side to protect me. Perhaps I can put my faith in her for this month.


    Nier, what do you think I should do?


    Nier looked at me and replied: Do what you think is right. I am not responsible for strategizing for you. I am only responsible for ensuring your safety while you do what you believe is right.


    I looked at Niers gaze, smiled helplessly and said: Youre different to Castell


    Well, I couldnt ask for anything more than to see your corpse at the end of the street.


    I chuckled and stood up. I looked at Nier, pat her on her shoulder and said: Thank you, Nier I get it now. I will do what I think is right. I hope youll be able to protect me during this time. I think Ill need to rely on your more in the future.


    Nier knocked my hand away without any reluctance and said: Yeah? I just hope that you wont show kindness to someone who tries to kill you, and make me sheath my sword after Ive drawn it.


    I wont.


    I turned my head around, looked at the angel overwatching us on top of the church, and clenched my teeth. Perhaps the angel statue on this side represented their so-called redemption and holiness. Im not convinced that they have no involvement in Meras death. Castell didnt tell me anything, but he did tell me the most important thing. And that is if the church is involved, it will be aplicated matter. Since itsplicated, Ill have to go and clear up the clue I have.


    I dont care if this is thest thing I do. Ill bring the truth to light for Mera. Im not backing down.


    I will not back down this time. Im determined this time.


    With my back facing Nier, I sternly said: I never will again.


    Understood.


    Nier replied from behind like usual. I thought I couldnt do anything at first, but Nier is now standing behind me. Im not alone. When the going gets tough; when Im most powerless and hopeless, standing behind me will be Niers lone, but proud silhouette.


    My loneliness is despair, but Niers loneliness is her greatest pride.