Hey, author here. Thought I’d have the voices in my head cast of Everybody Loves Large Chests join me in wishing everyone a happy new year, so I asked many of them to write a few words!


    Hello, delicious morsel. Would you like your new year to be tasty and/or shiny? If so, feel free to jump into my mouth. It’s a magical portal to a happy place, I promise.


    -Boxxy T. Morningwood


    I like to think the new year replaces the old one by whipping it until it passes out. I know it’s not like that, I just like to think about it.


    -Master’s Best Snack


    You go out there and you punch that new year in the face! Teach the motherfucker who’s boss from the get go!


    -Koralenteprix Khusuuszun Caonthioxxaa


    Tktktktkt… I hope your next year has exactly as many stabbings in it as you want it to have.


    -Drea


    If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep a close eye on me in the coming year.


    -Fizzy


    Happy new year everyone! Lots of happiness and success!


    -Plus


    Great, another shitty year of playing backup dancer to a fucking box.


    -Minus


    A singular year is meaningless in the ceaseless march of time.


    -Null


    A few words.


    -Jen


    Good fortune to all, and to all a good year.


    -Ambrosia


    What do you mean a new year? Is the old one, like, broken or something?


    -Lavender


    Happy new year, and stay safe out there!


    -Keira


    I wish everyone out there much love and happiness in the coming year.


    -Rowana


    Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!


    -Minic


    Snek. Sneksnek, snkekek. Snek.


    -Snek


    [Your advertisement here.]


    -Sandman Assassinations Inc.


    Feeling lonely on this New Year’s Eve? Come to Bitterhold, and you’ll never be lonely again!


    -The Slimetatorship of Stain


    Here’s hoping this year’s office party will be a bit more lively.


    -Carl


    NAGNAMOR WILL CRUSH YOUR PUNY CELEBRATIONS INTO DUST! NOT EVEN ASHES WILL REMAIN OF YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS!


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.-OVERLORD NAGNAMOR OF THE FLAMING LEGION


    Like, have a great year, everyone! Remember to vote for me in the next popularity contest!


    -Ultra??Magical?Princess??Lulu???


    This next year shall fall within predicted parameters.


    -Overlord Weaxohn the All-Knowing


    What do you mean ‘a few words?’ I haven’t even gotten a single line so far! Like, at all! … Ugh, fine! I hope you pathetic losers die while fellating a flamingo or something for all I fucking care! Also, Naggy-Pants is such a giant pussy he gives my own a run for its money!


    -Overlord Shridiaphrial the Queen Bitch


    Well, I know someone who’s not getting a raise next year. Well, it’s not like I pay them or anything, but still. Anyway, have a good one, folks, and may you have lots of surprises!


    -Larry, the God of Happenstance


    Happy new year, mortals! And remember - if you’re not having fun, you’re probably not doing it right.


    -Solus, God of Life and Light


    May all your hopes and dreams bear fruit in this coming year.


    -Nyrie, Goddess of Nature and Fertility


    This year, you will strive to be better than you were the year before. You owe it to yourself.


    -Axel, God of War and Combat


    Everything is possible if you put the effort in.


    -Goroth, God of Artisans and Artists


    I hope you get the chance to visit all those lovely places you couldn’t go to last year.


    -Zephyra, Goddess of Rain and Travel


    This next year will be one to remember, I’m sure of it!


    -Lunar, Goddess of Magic and Learning


    Don’t forget to pay your taxes.


    -Mortimer, God of Death and Commerce


    I hope those of you who are lost will find yourselves in the coming year.


    -Teresa, Goddess of Truth and Justice


    Uh… Grab the new year by the balls and… make lemonade from them? Was that how that saying went? Eh, close enough.


    -Robin


    I hope everyone has an orgasmically fantastic new year!


    -Hugs and kisses, Madeline


    Be excellent to one another, and good things will come.


    -Lydia


    This year as well, let’s each of us strive to do what’s right.


    -Sigmund Law, Hero of the Hammer


    Gux wishes to declare this the Year of the Worm. Gux is not sure why he wishes this, but he does.


    -Gux, Hero of Rain


    I wish all of you an orc-free year.


    -Hesk, former Hero of the Sword


    Be careful when visiting relatives for the holidays. Accidents happen, and all that.


    -Kaede, Hero of Death


    This year is gonna be a good one! I feel it in my bones!


    -Orrin, Hero of the Sun


    Here’s hoping we all learn something new this year. For me, it’ll be whether Sigmund rips my balls off when he finds out I got all three of his girls pregnant, haha!


    -Nao, Hero of Magic


    It’s actually a serious concern that keeps him up at night. So yeah, look before you leap, is all I’m saying.


    -Kuro


    This is bullshit.


    -Edward Allen, former Spymaster of the Lodrak Empire


    What he said.


    -Aleister, former Blight Lord of Velos


    Ditto.


    -Eren, Old God of Destruction