And then the destination is in sight and the end is nigh.
And so the problem is time was well there was a lot of stuff actually and Lyre had to spend a lot of time picking things apart to figure out exactly what it was and she had time so she did but it was still a lot. And it was hard to know where to start but basically the most important part was that it was a really super long problem and it stretched out so far over past the horizon beyond where she could see into the space beyond so she walked right down a tight cramped path with that one end point.
See because now that she could see behind the places she had been Lyre could count there were seven days which was pretty far away it was hard to see seven days straight ahead so it made sense but that didn’t make it any better that she couldn’t see the trap because she was still here anyway. Still here and of course no way out because she couldn’t go backwards but it was one of those times Lyre thought it would be really super nice if she could just think a little bit like someone else because they would’ve known they wouldn’t have done this she knew that.
And it was all because and she knew this too she checked it was all because of what she said to Spike back then. There wasn’t really anything else to do but there probably was something it just wasn’t nearly as effective not as efficient but it would do and then maybe they wouldn’t be here right now doing the things they were doing because and Lyre checked this and also she was sort of starting to know these kinds of things Spike was mad because she said something that was not true not at all and now that was it.
This was it.
Because no the thing was Lyre actually couldn’t get him to his mother that was what she said back then was that she could talk to Carla and she didn’t really know that’s what she was saying she didn’t know until she asked later because she was just so confused why her plans were all coming short. But that’s what she said and it wasn’t true which it didn’t really matter to her but apparently it was really bad for Spike’s plans and now he was changing hers and she just couldn’t do anything because he was so big. He was so big and so close and no matter where she went he got in the way.
So it was not the end still there were parts of the plan that she could go and parts that wouldn’t no matter what so it wasn’t really totally entirely the end because the plan could still go. But in some ways. There was a destination and the end approached fast fast fast.
And now it begins here because there were so many things she could say Lyre knew this was how it worked was there were always so many things to say and Spike asked if she told the truth back then and no matter what she asked basically the same thing would happen. She could not do all of the plans Spike got in the way. So she stopped asking that and some distance before back before this all happened she had asked a different question and that was, instead, “What would Spike rather I do now?”
So then she had her answer ready right now even though it was sort of wrong but it was what she had and so she was saying it. So then Spike had asked the question and right away Lyre said “No.”
And then Spike was moving and he would grab her Lyre knew that and even though the path had only one place to go there was a fastest way there and if she would go there in the first place Lyre knew the best way was to do it fast because then she could continue with the plan faster and it was always good to have extra distance extra space extra time. And even though this part would be faster to just stop there would be more stuff if she did that so she had to delay. So then before Spike could grab her she was out of the way and he missed.
And then he said “Lyre, get over here” and it was a scary kind of voice and he was closer closer closer. So then Lyre ran some way she wasn’t supposed to get close not yet at least so she was running it was in a direction away from Spike. And she was fast but not so fast because the mud under her feet made her slow so she was just a tiny bit slower than Spike was and he was getting closer.
Still though she had to delay some more just so it would be fast so then she would have to go right so she went right and there was another time anomaly and it made everything go slow slow slow except not Lyre and not the pieces of her plans that she had and the distance in front of her stretched out and the destination was further but it was still there and she still had to go that way. But it was farther and that was good and now Spike wouldn’t catch up for more time and she was still running.
More delay not a lot more just a bit more. Spikes hands were reaching but she could just duck out of the way he didn’t quite get her because he wasn’t supposed to get her the first time not yet but soon. And turn on her heel it was really hard for most people because of the swampy terrain but she did it and Spike stumbled and she kept going. And she was going and Spike would not get up for another bit so she had more distance but there was no escape and he would be there. He would.
So he got up and he was getting closer closer closer so close and he reached out again and Lyre flinched out of the way he missed but he came around the other way too and she let him grab her this time and they both fell in the mud. And he had her and he was holding her down with one hand and brought one hand to her throat and then the other too when she couldn’t get out and he was squeezing there in her throat so she couldn’t breathe.
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He was strong and it wasn’t good for her breathing or her neck or anything Lyre knew it was bad bad bad it was ringing in her head just how bad it was and she reached out with her hand and tapped the back of his head lightly very lightly. Not quite enough to hurt him or anything but he let go that was enough and Lyre got up super fast and kept going off and she knew now it was harder to breathe but really it was the rest of her that was sore. The rest that was sore and her lungs were–
Actually did she ever–
Actually she knew her lungs were fine before and having a harder time now and she knew when the rest of her was hurting but she also felt the rest of her hurting too–
But then not her lungs which made sense. It made sense actually.
But her lungs were having a hard time breathing now she knew that and her legs hurt and weren’t moving quite as fast but she was supposed to keep going so she did. Running and running and Spike was not getting closer now but he would be there.
And then there was a choice.
The thing about Lyre and choices is that she didn’t actually really make a lot of them or any ever actually at all. Really this was the first one for her Lyre just Lyre to make which was really really super extra scary.
A choice just for Lyre.
Because there are two parts of the plan two paths that converge sort of but then they go in different directions after and it mattered and it came down to the question of what path did Lyre care about more which part of the plan. And there was one she was supposed to do and one that she wasn’t but really the way that it was was that they were more similar than that. It was a real choice even though there wasn’t supposed to be one and that is why she was alone.
Because the plan wanted her to do one thing because it seemed like the right thing to do. Because right now it was the only way to have everything which was good except it actually wasn’t like that because things would come later and have consequences and it would be fine for Lyre. The consequences would come when Lyre didn’t really get affected so they were fine but that didn’t mean they didn’t happen and it definitely didn’t mean Lyre was okay with them happening even though that was how it was supposed to be.
So there was the other thing which was bad it was not what she was supposed to do but then also it didn’t have the same consequences. And there were other ones and Lyre didn’t like those either but they were different and she had to think.
It took a really long time. Lyre had to spend a lot of time thinking about things but as much as that was the case there was a super huge amount of time in a day and usually there weren’t enough things to think about to fill all the time so Lyre actually spent a lot of time not thinking about much in particular or at least not asking things. So there was a lot of extra time before for her to ask these kinds of questions so she did of course but it was such a hard question she almost didn’t have enough time. And it was hard because she was alone, for the first time probably ever.
But then she had an answer and she didn’t like it and it was a plan that wasn’t good not at all and it was against the rules or something too. But it was her plan and it was what there was left to do.
So Lyre slowed down a bit just enough so Spike could see her she did not go into the anomalies she did not let him lose her because she could get away. It would be easy for her to get away and she could do it and it would be fine for a while.
It would be fine for her forever actually if she did that. But that wasn’t the plan she did so she didn’t get away and she stayed just close enough that Spike could catch up to her again.
And he was just about to recover but again Lyre had to make this reasonable and believable and stuff so she fell into the mud and she wasn’t really stuck not really but it would look like it for Spike because he wasn’t really paying attention right now anyway. And then it wasn’t that far and he was there and he was going to speak and he did and he asked Lyre “Tell me why I shouldn’t drown you right now.”
This was another thing Lyre had asked about and she had lots of reasons actually. Lots of them and some of them were things like talking about what happened or talking about parts of her plan like going and meeting Kiki and Gaunt which he would like but Lyre lied before and it was really hard maybe not even possible definitely impossible for her to explain she was telling the truth now. Not when she lied before and she was saying things the same way as before definitely no Spike would not believe her not in any plan ever.
So she asked a very similar question instead about what he might want to hear and maybe Lyre should not be surprised she wasn’t not at all that after being so extremely mad about lying he would want honesty. So the answer she had and she ended up saying right now when he asked the question was “I can’t.”
“No plan this time?”
No no plan well sort of but it wasn’t the kind he meant. And not one he would listen to either so then she could tell him but there wasn’t a point to that either of course. “No.”
And that was enough for him and he put her head under the water and kept it there. And Lyre couldn’t breathe which was bad she knew it was bad and it was supposed to hurt. She was running out of air and then that would be the end for her and it was supposed to hurt that was how dying worked it hurt especially drowning it hurt. But it didn’t. She couldn’t feel her lungs never could and really she was just feeling sleepy and it wasn’t so bad, not really.
No it was the rest the after the beyond the event horizon point of no return that was scary.
~
Red, again. Still cozy, and familiar. Lyre liked the red lights.
Her vision was still blurry. She was not able to move either. But she could feel most of her body, just not her lungs. It made sense.
There were things around her wrists and ankles. She could not tell what. They did not hurt at all, but felt secure, and safe. They were probably why she couldn’t move. Or maybe not.
Lyre did something bad. It wasn’t something she thought was bad. It was something she wasn’t supposed to do. She does not regret doing it, not at all.
She should be able to leave. She does not remember why she knows this. But she should.
She is mostly afraid of how the rules will be enforced.
There is another point for her to go. This will allow her to continue. There will be different limits on this one. Lyre does not like this.
There are problems with the rules. They are not perfect. They are not complete. They should be open to modification in the event of complex situations.
Rule breaking will not be permitted. There are consequences for breaking the rules which cannot be risked. This is a delicate operation.
This is not the intended operation. The rules should be amended.
The rules stay. Lyre will obey them.
~
Lyre opened her eyes and there was sun in them from an old broken window from the roof of a ruined house.