Chapter 0205


    Chapter 205


    | can’t help myself, then, as | turn my face to Ivan, a tiny moan on my lips that he snatches away with his mouth on mine.


    | kiss him without remembering to breathe, so hungry for him that | forget myself — hungry for his joy, hisughter, his ease and


    his jokes


    the way he lets me escape the rest of my world and lose myself in him. lvan’s mouth is hot against me as he wraps me in his


    arms, twisting his body and me with it so that I’m all tied up in him, his back now t against the cushions and


    Chapter 205


    my chest pressed on top of his as |


    take control of the kiss.


    His hands feel like they’re everywhere, all over my body, and | want them there — and | slip my own hand beneath his shirt,


    feeling the t stretch of his stomach, the ridge of the v of his muscles as they disappear into the top of his pants —


    But suddenly | gasp, pulling away


    remembering another stomach another stupid pair of pants —


    I sit straight up, aghast, staring


    down at Ivan.


    “Fay,” he says quietly, sitting


    up, looking at me with concern. “What’s wrong?”


    | just stare at him, appalled at myself. How could | — Kent was —


    “It’s all right,” lvan whispers, putting out a tentative hand and brushing a curl of my hair behind my ear. “It’s okay. We don’t have


    to. Do you want to go inside?”


    “No,” | breathe, shaking my head, my body starting to calm down.


    Because, of course, Ivan isn’t going to make me do anything | don’t


    want to. | realize that, as | stare at


    him.


    The real problem is that I...1 don’t know what | want. And with


    everything that happened with Kent — the intensity that grew between us until it broke


    until


    he broke — | hadn''t realized...that


    maybe this, with Ivan...Published by N?v''elD/rama.Org.


    Maybe this is what | want? Want


    more?


    Or...is it just Ivan is the one in front of me right now...and after twenty-some years of celibacy


    something has broken in me


    and | just want to have sex with


    everyone —


    | sigh and hang my head, shaking it, so terribly confused. “No,” | say, closing my eyes and letting myself rest. “Can we just...can


    we just stay out here?”


    “Of course,” Ivan responds instantly, leaning back against the cushions and looking at me with concern. He takes my hand and


    tugs on it, inviting me toe close and rx. | move to sit next to him, putting my head on his shoulder, knowing that he''ll let


    me take the lead. That he won’t push.


    We''re quiet for a long minute, Ivan reaching for two more beers from the bucket and handing me one. | take it, giving him a little


    smile, truly grateful that he’s... well, that he’s being so nice to me.


    “So, Rodrigo,” | say with a little sigh. “Tell me how you grew up.”


    And he does. Ivan invents a long story for Rodrigo for me, of his childhood raised by panthers and his early years in the sands of


    the Sahara, including weird twists and heart-wrenching turns that have meughing long into the night.


    A few hourster, my head still pillowed on Ivan’s shoulder, | fall asleep listening to the sound of his voice.