Chapter 0108


    The fact is that I don’t even know what I want. Or how to y. Everyone is ying chess and I’m not


    even ying checkers. I feel so…stupid. And alone. I pull my pillow over my head, groaning, missing


    my sister, my dad, my old life.


    God, what I wouldn’t give to go back to it all.


    The thing that finally breaks me out of my stupor is my stomach, which gives a mighty growl at some


    point in the evening when I’ve beenying in the dark for what must be a few hours. I sit up, looking


    down at myining stomach, and feel a headache pulse at the back of my head.


    I groan, and put a hand there, wondering if it was Kent pressing me up against the door or Ivan feeding


    me tequ all day that’s responsible for this. Either way, I want water, and sustenance. Now.


    When I peek out of my bedroom door, the house is quiet, which pleases me. I want to see no one –


    absolutely no one – this evening. Waiting a moment to check that the house is quiet, I then sneak out


    into the hall, pulling my door softly shut behind me. I nce at a clock down the hall, surprised to see


    that it’s muchter than I thought – around one in the morning.


    I am pleased when I encounter no one in the kitchen. I quickly pour myself a ss of milk and grab an


    entire box of cookies from the cab. Not healthy, I know, but tonight I need food for the soul as much


    as the body, and chocte and sugar sound about right.


    I begin to rx as I head back up the stairs, confident I won’t meet anyone, but just as my foot hits the


    It was just a soft noise, a groan, or a moan…


    I stand at the top of the steps like a startled hare, not moving a muscle except my eyes, which dart


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    around looking for the source of the noise.


    Nothing in the hallway moves but…yes. There it is again!


    Curious, I listen closely and find my eyes moving to Daniel’s door. I continue to listen for a few


    moments more and then – yes. I’m certain. It’sing from inside.


    I let my curiosity get the better of me, perhaps feeling a little reckless as a result of my great


    embarrassment earlier in the day. Either way, I tiptoe closer to Daniel’s door, careful not to make a


    sound. Passingly, I wonder if he’s okay and hope that nothing is wrong…


    But deep down, I know what it is that I’ll see when I lean down and peek through the little keyhole of his


    door.


    And as I do just that, my suspicions are confirmed. It’s convenient, frankly, that Kent never reced the


    old-timey locks on the bedroom doors in this old house, because Daniel’s gives me a perfect view


    inside to where he and another person – I can’t see who – tangle on his bed.


    I cock my head to the side as I look, curious. I know that it’s wrong – that I should give Daniel his


    privacy, but…I realize, suddenly, that I’ve never seen anyone have sex before. I blush to realize it. I


    mean, of course I have seen it on TV and the inte. But not like this, never before so…real…


    I’m mesmerized, frankly, by the sight of the bodies pressed together so fervently, tangled so that I can’t


    tell the limbs apart in the dark blue light of the room. I continue watching as they pull apart for a


    moment sit up, changing positions. I recognize the profile of Daniel’s sweet face, looking down at his


    lover.


    I’m embarrassed, a little, by the tenderness that I see there, and know I should move away. In fact, I


    start to do so when the lover himself turns his torso towards the door. And I gasp aloud because…


    Because I know that face, I know the shape of that body.


    Jerome.


    I stand up straight, aghast, my eyes wide and my jaw dropping open.


    Oh my god.