Introduction: Gosh, its awesome to see him (Gaston).He鈥檚 never down in the dumps!Every guy here'd love to be him (Gaston)even when taking his lumps.There's no man in town as admired as him,he's everyone's favorite guy!Everyone's awed and inspired by himand it's not very hard to see why: No one's slick as Gaston.No one's quick as Gaston.No one's neck's as incredibly thick as GastonFor there's no man in town half as manly!(perfect, a pure paragon)Ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley,and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!Who plays darts like Gaston?Who breaks hearts like Gaston?Who鈥檚 much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?As a specimen, yes, he鈥檚 intimidating;my, what a guy, that Gaston! He doesn鈥檛 need encouragement,you boneheaded fools.The only ones who need encouragement is you!(Was that too much? I say no.) No one fights like Gaston,douses lights like Gaston.In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!When he hunts, he sneaks up with his quiver 鈥揵easts of the field say a prayer!First he carefully aims for the liver鈥?hen he shoots from behind!Is that fair?He doesn鈥檛 care. No one hits like Gaston,matches wits like Gaston.In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston.(He鈥檚 especially good at expectorating!)Ten points for Gaston! When he was a lad he ate four dozen eggsevery morning to help him get large.And now that he鈥檚 grown he eats five dozen eggs,so he鈥檚 roughly the size of a barge! Who has brains?Entertains?Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?(He uses antlers in all of his decorating!) Say it again:Who鈥檚 a man amongst men?Who鈥檚 a super success?Don鈥檛 you know?Can鈥檛 you guess?Ask his fans and his end(less) hangers-on!There鈥檚 just one guy in town who鈥檚 got all of it down!And his name鈥檚 G-A-S-T-O-N GASTON!...