Chapter 18: Fear of losing


    I wasying on my bed and Aiden didn''t bother to follow me after I stormed out of his room. That made


    me mad even more.


    I can feel my wolf crying inside, angry with what I had done. She wanted to be with our mate tonight. I


    ignored her and recalled what had happened.


    The argument I had with Aiden burns the conscience inside me. I didn''t intend for it to turn that way but


    I got swayed by my outrage. However, his reaction was necessary and rude.


    He could have told me that he disagrees with what I said. It''s not like I needed him to agree, I''m just


    trying my luck at chances.


    Then he raged his fury to me like I''m not his mate! That angered me too much that I can still see red


    until now.


    I intend to talk about Titus'' case and if he won''t agree then he could have told me, not to the extent that


    he''ll use his power over me just to prove his position.


    I keep ying over and over my head what had happened and once I''m tired of thinking about it, I


    decided to went out of my room.


    I walked silently along the hallway, almost fleet my toes when I was in front of Aiden''s room. Thest


    thing I want now is to see him.


    I walked downstairs with careful steps then grabbed a ss of water when I reached the kitchen. My


    throat is suddenly dry from thirst.


    I looked forward to nowhere as I held the ss in my hand. Running my mind to what to do next.


    Titus will probably rat me out tomorrow if he''ll found that I failed to convince Aiden. The introduction


    ceremony can be his great advantage to tell everyone that I''m a stealer and I started to think twice if I''ll


    bail out of the event.


    If I dyed telling him I failed, he might get the wrong interpretation and might act hastily, giving me the


    same consequence.


    If I''ll tell Aiden myself what I am now, my best guess is he''ll raise hell and there will be no introduction


    ceremony tomorrow. It''s not like I''m after the Luna title but the people from the pack that I attended


    today already learned about the ceremony.


    I also doubt that invites are not yet delivered to every one of the pack, Nick sure does his job well and


    that part was possibly taken care of.


    I sighed as I was left with no more ideas. Everything my mind is running on and about leads to anything


    but a mess.


    ''Hey, you awake?'' It was Seth who cut me out of my thoughts. I forgot that I have someone who I can


    talk to about my dilemmas.


    ''Yeah.'' I replied as I put the ss of water down to the sink. ''Can we talk?''


    ''You know where the pool is?'' his reply is fast, I bet he can''t sleep the night after what had happened.


    His head must be full of wary.


    ''Yeah. I''ll meet you there.''


    I opened the door that leads to the underground and closed it silently. Making sure no sound will be


    made that may wake anyone.


    The stairs are long and I thought I''ll be weed by darkness but a dim light at the bar corner was


    open. Seth is already sitting on a barstool.


    "Can''t sleep?" I said as soon as he turned his head to look at me. Seth held a ss of whiskey as he


    lumped on his chair.


    He nodded. "I needed a drink." he mumbled before taking a big gulp of the liquor. I have one person


    who knew what I am in a day and he already looked like a mess.


    I sat on a barstool beside him and grabbed a ss for myself. I drank it straight, feeling it burns my


    throat as it glides down.


    "Have you talked?" he asked. Turning his back on the bar and stared at the calm water in front of him.


    I nodded and poured another shot before looking at the pool, too.


    "How''d it go?"


    "He was furious."


    Seth hissed and took a sip on his ss. "Of course he will."


    "Tampering with his decision is a bad idea." I mumbled. I admit and ept that my idea has failed and


    wrong. But still...


    "Aiden had never let anyone meddle with his discretion. I doubted if he''ll listen to you since what


    happened with his past left a mark on him. Though I thought you might have a chance."


    I know I''ve said to myself before that I''ll never be like Luna Tina but that''s not what I was trying to do at


    all. I''m not trying to use the mate bond to influence Aiden.


    "Well, I guess I''m just anyone for him..." My voice is low and hurt. I''ve been hurting and my fury is what


    I''m grateful for making cowering my pain.


    "Ash..." his voice sympathize with me but I just shrugged at him.


    "I thought we''ll have a peaceful conversation but it''s the opposite. Aiden even used his Alpha over me."


    I chuckled sarcastically but deep inside my wolf is crying as I try to halt the tears that start forming in


    the side of my eyes.


    "He did?"


    "Yeah. I didn''t say anything bad for him to hit that extent." I scowled as I drink my whiskey. It''s true


    though. I talked to him calmly and properly. It''s not like I pushed him or pressured him to change his


    mind. Damn, I did not even finish any phrase.


    Seth shook his head and sighed. "His past is a rough road. Just try to understand him for now." he said,


    I figured he was trying to console me but also taking Aiden''s side. Seth got a point but what''s not is


    Aiden''s reaction and his insensitive words.


    "I do understand him. I knew what he''d been through. I felt his pain. Every. Fucking. Pain! But tonight


    he implies that I''m voiceless! So what will I be beside him? Just a bearer of his child?"


    I almost sob as a tear flow down my eyes. I am hurt. I hate how Aiden made me feel and what he said


    just made me realize that I have no seat beside him as a Luna. Hell, I''m not even sure if he sees me as


    one!


    "Come on, Ash. He''s just mad. He doesn''t mean his words. Don''t take it too seriously." He ced his


    hand on my back, gently rubbing it as I wiped the tears off my cheeks.


    "He doesn''t care what I think. He said it! It''s like whatever I say, he won''t hear any of it!" I wiped another


    tear and sniffed. "I''m this close about telling him the truth. But if he feels that way towards me then how


    can he understand that I''m a stealer?"


    "Ash..." he didn''t say anything further. I know he understands my point and he also doesn''t have any


    resolve with my problem. He just tapped my back twice before rubbing on it again and that''s enough for


    me. It''s enough that I have someone I can freely talk with.


    I''m on the edge of giving up. I got no options left and the only future I can see right now is a disaster.


    "What''s your n now?"


    I dried my cheeks and rubbed my nose as I shake my head. His question is what I''ve been asking


    myself for hours now yet I got no answers.


    "All I''m left to do is wait for the worst." I sighed and drink my whiskey straight again. The alcohol


    doesn''t seem to help me calm my nerves.


    "Let me know what I can do to help." he said, mirroring my emotions. I feel bad for dragging him into


    this though I can''t change anything now. Both of us could only worry about what wille.


    It''s midnight and already Christmas yet I didn''t get the chance to greet Seth. We called it a night and I


    went to my room with a heavier heart. Aiden didn''t show up and I guessed he''s sound asleep by now.


    I got an introduction ceremony and life to worry aboutter so I closed my eyes and hugged my nket


    close to my chest.


    Tonight is the first time I felt alone before going to sleep.


    Aiden''s POV


    Loud thuds on the door woke me up from my sleep. My eyes feel like burning as I tried to open it.


    Damn. I barely sleptst night.


    I looked at the side of my bed and realized that what happenedst night is real.


    I sighed and grunt as I closed my eyes once again. I lost my patience again and snapped at Ashira this


    time.


    I did not mean to. But she''s trying to change my decision about taking Titus off his position as the


    pack''s head guard. I don''t like her sniffing her pretty little nose to my discretion.


    I''ve said it to myself before. That I''ll never let my mate intervene with the pack. And she just did,


    indirectly, but I feared that''s a start.


    And Ashira, rebelling against me did not help to cool my head. I can give her anything but an issue of


    the pack. That''s my sole role and she can''t have a say for it.


    Last night, her wolf is calling to mine, crying and whining over what happened. My wolf didn''t let me


    rest as he continues to rock my conscience with what I had done.


    I lose controlst night and my power overflowed to her though I did not intend to. This is the first time


    that I hated that part of being an Alpha. I got a tiny thread of patience and when I get angry or irritated,


    my wild wolf will try to take over.


    Another loud knock on the door made me hissed and stood up. I can smell Nick that made me even


    more irritated because it was not her.


    "What!" I hissed at him as I opened the door. His eyes were wide in shock, caught off guard of my


    anger. It''s too early to start a bad day.


    "Whoa. Chill. Merry Christmas?"


    Nick''s grin made me growl and annoyed more.


    "What do you want?" I turned to walk back to my bed and I sensed him follow inside. It''s too early and I


    can''t see the need for his disturbance for my sleep.


    "Well, our Luna Ashira was supposed to try on a dress forter."


    I hissed again when I heard my mate''s name. Another guilt coiled to me when I think of her hurt and


    angered expressionst night. My wolf growl at me again, unhappy with how I treated her. I ignored him


    but he is getting to me.


    "Why do I need to know that?" I did not stop a low growl to escape from my throat. I''d love to know


    what she will do but my stupid pride keeps getting in the way.


    Nick took a step back and formed his lips into an ''O'', "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."


    He teased. How clueless can he be? He''s annoying me so early in the day and he seems to enjoy it.


    I growled at him loud that made him shut up and gulped.


    "Fine. Bad morning it is. Well, I thought she''s here with you."


    "You can see she''s not." I snapped again andy down on my bed, my face slumped on the pillow. I


    need more sleep.


    "Ohhkay. Then she''s not here, she''s not home. She''s... missing then?"


    My eyes turned wide open and I almost snapped my head and looked at Nick.


    "What?!"


    She''s not here? Did she run away because of what happenedst night?


    Nick''s expression changed. Probably realizing that my mate is fucking missing.


    "Oh no."


    "Where''s Seth?" I stood up and grabbed my shirt. Why is my Gamma who''s supposed to keep an eye


    on her not doing his fucking job?


    My moves are fast and all I''m thinking right now is the hope she did run away. Or else, it will be the


    other way around which she might be taken away.


    I remembered the rogue who had an incredible speed. Did he take her?


    But that''s impossible. The guards will know if someone trespassed the border.


    "Seth''s still on his bed. Where can Ashira go? Did you guys fight?"


    I snarled as I rememberst night again. Nick didn''t say a word again since my reaction just answered


    his question. me is starting to creep me out if ever she''ll be on harm''s hand.


    "Call for him and search the area. I can''t sense her near and she''s blocking our portal, I can''t reach


    her!"


    I stormed out of my room as I said that. Panic and anxious is eating me right now.


    This is your fault!


    I growled at my wolf when he kept ming me for Ashira''s astray. Hell, I''m not even sure if she does


    run away but I hope she does than being captivated by an insane rogue.


    Seth followed Nick and me as we moved out of the house. We part ways to look for her, even Aurea is


    unaware that she''s gone.


    I can''t smell another scent so I''m sure no one has entered the house. No unfamiliar smell is lingering


    around which means no rogue has trespassed my territory.


    So where the fuck is she?


    After an hour, the three of us decided to meet at the ancestral again.


    "I searched the center, her scent is not there." Nick reported. My mind is turning nk as fear of losing


    her ys with my head.


    I can''t lose her. She''s my mate and she''s mine!


    "She''s nowhere at the pack building. Ava hasn''t heard from her since yesterday, too." Seth is huffing as


    he said that. I closed my eyes shut. I''m dead frustrated. I don''t know where to find her or where she


    could be. She''s just new here. The ces she''s been to are just the pack building where the annual


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    mapping was held and the guesthouse where she stayed.


    "Where else can she be, Aiden?" Seth asked, probably thinking that I will know the answer to his query


    unfortunately I don''t.


    "I don''t know. She''s new here and barely went outside."


    "I think I know!" Nick eximed with the hope expressed in his eyes, almost beaming as he looked at


    me. I frowned at his reaction, why is he the only one who''s happy with all of this?


    "Let''s try searching at your spot! I saw her skinny dipping at your spot on the day of the ball! That''s the


    only ce she had gone aside from where we searched."


    I was about to run to where theke is when I halt and looked at Nick. My eyes narrowed at him and


    my body started shaking.


    Did I just hear him right?


    "Did you just said you saw her naked?"


    The image of Ashira''s naked body exposed on my jerk Beta''s eyes turned my eyes to deep red.


    Nick paled and took a step back as I snarled at him. My hand turned to a first as I feel irritation for him.


    "Oops," Seth mumbled and took more step back as well.


    Another growl was pointed to Nick from my wolf. "I''ll get back to youter." I said through gritted teeth.


    I ran fast to where my spot is. My thoughts are blurry of Nick''s unnecessary information and hoping my


    mate was at my spot.


    It''s Christmas and the breeze of wind is cold. My eyes are still red that made my inhuman speed is


    faster as my Alpha blood flooded on my nerves.


    When I''m a few distances away, I caught her scent in the air. She''s here.


    I run even faster and when I reached the clearing, Ashira was turning her head to me. Shock is


    illustrated on her face.


    I slowed down my pace until my steps are slow and careful, closing the distance between us. The


    whole of me is relieved that I found her. I thought I lost her because of my outrage and I''m d she


    remained on mynd.


    Her eyes softened as she looked at me, mirroring mine. We''re a meter away and I wanted her wrapped


    around my arms. Right now.


    I was about to lock her in my chest and inhale her delightful scent but her expression changed with


    resentment, narrowing her eyes on me.


    "Why are you here?" she spat and turned her head away, breaking our eye contact.


    She''s still mad.


    Make peace with my mate! I don''t want her this way!


    My wolf is walking in circles inside my head, ufortable with our mate''s behavior. I tried blocking


    him to keep my head focused since his whines are not helping at all. I also feel the same as him so


    shoving it on my face is not useful at the moment.


    "I was looking for you." My voice was low and pleading. I want her close. The distance we hadst


    night is enough to drive me insane. Right now, I want her skin to touch mine.


    She scuffed and folded her arms in front of her chest. I assumed that she''s used to the cold. She''s only


    wearing a thin loose shirt and short tight shorts which I noticed was her favorite type of clothing.


    She didn''t say a word and her silence is killing me.


    Apologize! My stubborn wolf peaked on my mind even though I blocked him. I growled at him and he


    hides again.


    I sighed.


    "I''m sorry." Finally, the words I''ve been thinkingst night if I should say to her came out. I can feel my


    wolf cheered and wiggle his tail as he waits for our mate''s response.


    Ashira looked at me and her eyes are scanning my expression. Her narrowed eyes are now changed


    into somewhat in between.


    "I shouldn''t have acted that way. It''s a..." I gulped a huge lump on my throat. I never apologized for my


    entire life. "I am sorry."


    A low hmp was her response as she turned her eyes away from mine again. "You used your Alpha over


    me." sheined. I sighed. This is the time where I regret losing patience every time.


    I reached my hand to her, slowly crawled my palm on her back to the side of her.


    "I lost my control. I hope you''ll forgive me." I tugged her closer to my body and she let me do it. Now


    the side of her arm is pressed on my chest and my hand was gripping on her waist. I felt her stiffened


    from my touch. She''s good at blocking her emotions now and I hoped she didn''t. I want to know what


    she feels.


    She scuffed once again despite her reaction that which is affected by me.


    Damn, my mate is difficult to please.


    "We''re just talking and you snapped like that." her voice is almost a whisper. I knew I overreacted but I


    can''t reign control most of the time. "Will it turn like that every time we''ll disagree with something?"


    "No. No. I''ll try to have control around you. But I hope you won''t question my decisions next time." I


    inhaled her scent when the tip of my nose touched her hair.


    "I was not. I said ''I just thought'', I''m not changing what you decide."


    "I know that now. Can you forgive me?"


    I try turning her body faced to mine and she obliged. I looked her in the eyes and it no longer shows


    anger or resistance.


    She nodded and wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her face on my neck. Inhaling my scent


    for it to fill her lungs.


    Damn this feels so good.


    "Merry Christmas, mate." I said.


    She looked up at me and gave me the most mesmerizing smile that I longed to see every day.


    "Mery Christmas."


    When my eyesnded on her lips, I didn''t think twice as I locked my lips on hers.


    A soft moan escaped her throat as I groan from the pleasure a simple kiss can send us both.


    I controlled myself to kiss her deeper or else I might do her right where we are in this broad daylight.


    Her eyes looked at me with desire as she bit her lips, making me groan again. I wanted more but she''ll


    be busy this day.


    "You got a long day ahead." I said to her with a smile stered on my face. This is the first time I made


    a promise to myself and that is never to hurt her again.


    "Yeah. About that, I don''t know what I needed to do for it." I can feel her panicked and I smiled from the


    thought that she''s no longer blocking me in her mind.


    "Aurea will brief you for it. But for now, I heard you needed to try on a dress." I said and tighten my


    hands on her waist.


    "Oh." I chuckled at her reaction. I inhaled her scent again, not getting tired of her exhrating smell.


    "Don''t run away from me again." I whispered on her ears before nting a light kiss on her temple. I


    immediately felt her body shake with my gesture.


    "I did not. I just needed fresh air. Oh, I borrowed your spot."


    "Hmm... This is our spot now. You''re wee toe here anytime." I leaned down for another soft


    kiss on her luscious lips. Wild thoughts about having her here at theke run on my head. Giving me a


    boner that I''m trying to suppress. Having her this close always makes me go insane.


    She hummed and didn''t utter another word after the kiss.


    "Let''s head home." I said as I intertwined our fingers together.


    Ashira''s POV


    We reached the ancestral and I saw Seth rushed out of the door, greeted us.


    "Where have you been!?" he asked with wary. I gave him a sly smile, I guess I caused panic for


    everyone.


    "I just took some fresh air." I said. Aiden on my side did his favorite gesture and hugged me close to


    him, his hand was on my waist tugging tightly again.


    "You made us worry." his expression is still serious so I gave him a peace sign that made him sigh.


    "Where''s the jerk?" Aiden with his strict stern voice asked Seth.


    ''Please help.'' Seth said through our mind link that made me frown, I don''t know what he means and


    who''s the jerk Aiden was referring to?


    "Uh, hiding?"


    Aiden was about to let go of my waist and took a step to walk inside the house when I grabbed his arm


    and stopped him.


    "What''s wrong? Jerk who?" I looked at him but his jaw just tightened so I turned to Seth, hoping for a


    response.


    "Nick. His big mouth sold him out. He gave Aiden the information where you might be but his tongue


    slipped and rather said he saw you skinny dipping at theke."


    A growl came out of Aiden''s chest and I rested my palm on it quickly. Oh no. Nick is in deep trouble and


    I need to act up now!


    "No. That''s not what happened. I mean, Nick did saw me-"


    Aiden growls loudly this time and I almost tugged on his shirt, preparing to stop him if ever he''lle to


    lose.


    "No! No, hear me out. Nick is far from me and he threw me his shirt. He didn''t see anything because I


    was underwater."


    Aiden looked at me and studied me for a short while before hissing.


    "Don''t try to save his ass, Ashira." he said with a snarl.


    I immediately shook my head. "I''m not! Believe me, please? I don''t want you to fight your friends


    because of a misunderstanding."


    He growled but sighed at the end.


    "If anyone touches you, their arm will be broken. And seeing you naked cost them an eye. Do you hear


    me!?" he turned to the house as he said thest phrase. He probably said that to Nick.


    "I heard it clear!" a yell from the house was from Nick and I almostughed from the relief on his voice.


    Aiden kissed me on the head before stepping a foot away.


    "Aurea and Seth will be yourpany today. I need to go to the pack building," he said. "Let''s go, dog!"


    he shouted to hiding Nick as he went to his car.


    "Arf!" A running Nick stormed out.of the house giving me a flying kiss as his thanks. I just chuckled.


    Damn, they looked so cute together. "See youter in the hall!"


    Once Seth and I were left alone, he gave me another wary look and I already knew what that means.


    "We won''t worry about that now." I said and tapped his shoulder twice. "Let''s go. We need a dress to fit


    in."


    Aurea awaits inside the kitchen.


    "Merry Christmas!" I beamed and hugged her.


    "Merry Christmas to you too, Luna Ashira." she greeted back. I also greet Seth and he did the same,


    not mirroring my cheerfulness.


    Breakfast was already prepared on the table and we decided to eat first before starting our busy day.


    "So what will I do today, Au?" I started calling her the same nickname I heard everyone called her. She


    doesn''t seem to mind.


    "You''ll need a proper dress for the ceremony, Luna. It''s a pack tradition so it''s advised to wear


    something old fashioned but Alpha Aiden insists to let go of the old ways so the dresses will be


    modernized. You need to try on some so we can pick the most appropriate."


    I nodded. Seth was eating in silence and I''m still bothered by what he could be thinking.


    I shrugged the thought and decided to focus on what''s on my te. I don''t want to worry about what''s


    in the end.


    We tried on dresses that were delivered at the ancestral.


    "Alpha Aiden will give a speech before introducing you as the pack''s Luna. You will be asked to say a


    few words as well so you can prepare that now. Afterward, the party will go on and everybody can


    enjoy the rest of the night."


    Seth''s phone rang and he went out of the room to take the call. Au continues to assist me while I''m


    trying on the clothes. We picked a ssic chiffon blue dress but it''s a bitrge from my frame so Au


    was marking where it needed to be repaired.


    Seth came back to the room as soon as Au was about to leave and fix the dress.


    I noticed his expression was somehow uneasy but relieved as well. His mixed emotions are confusing


    so when both of us are alone, I talked to him.


    "What''s wrong?"


    He looked at me and put his hand on his nape. "Titus called."


    I paled. Herees the bad news...


    "What did he say?" I sat on a couch to stop my knees from trembling. I knew this moment wille but


    it''s too early for it.


    "I''m confused."


    "Just tell me what he said!"


    I wanted to smack his head for providing hanged information and dying the news I''ve been waiting


    for. He probably told Nick the time he''ll start ratting me out.


    "He asked me to tell you that he received the news and he''s grateful for it. He said, he''ll keep his


    promise and Merry Christmas."


    My jaw dropped. What? What news? Why is he grateful?


    "Don''t you think Aiden changed his...mind?"


    ____________


    Sorry for not updating tomorrow! Here''s a long chapter! I hope you like it!?