Chapter 51


    Lucy POV


    My head was pounding when I woke up, I wished I didn’t wake up at all, the numbness worn away


    leaving fear and humiliation. The moment I did everything smashed into me like a tonne of bricks


    threatening to suffocate me, restricting my ability to breathe. I was never going to escape him, even


    now when he can’t get to me he still haunts me, still lingers at the edge of my mind. Opening my eyes, I


    find myself lying beside my mother who is asleep beside me on a bed that resembles my old one. It


    even has the same matchingforter I had before my room was destroyed. I sit up on one elbow and


    look around and realize I am in my old room. Everything back to the way it was before I left for school


    in Avalon City.


    It was like I stepped back in time before everything went to shit, a glimpse into my old life, a


    glimpse of the person I once was. Now though I see my old life differently. Find the darkest parts of it


    looming over me and I realize how naive and young I truly was nearly a year ago. Pictures of me


    having fun with Mitchell when we went to the beach, and bowling hung on the walls. Mum had blown


    those up and framed them. Photos of Rayan and I. Some of Ace and Tyson, it all seemed like a lifetime


    ago as I spotted each one on the walls.


    It''s funny how it only takes one thing to ruin your essence. One thing to burn the light out of your


    soul and dim the spark of life within you. Spending my early childhood in the facility was tough, horrific


    and a brutal ce to grow up in. But once I was freed, I thought that was the end of the suffering. I had


    hopes and ns and was excited for my future and to experience the world to its fullest. The pictures


    held hope while I now felt nothing but hopeless and exposed.


    Growing up in that ce was solitude, loneliness, and hopelessness stepping out was


    experiencing everything for the first time. The way fresh air smelt, how the breeze felt on my skin, the


    feel of the earth under your bare feet was all new to me and I was ecstatic at my newfound freedom.


    Sure that ce sometimes haunts me still, the memories forever ingrained in my head yet I was able to


    disassociate them from the life I had outside that ce, separate it from me and allow myself to feel


    safe for once.


    But Mr Tanner ruined that sense of safety. It took years of counselling and years of upational


    therapy during the first few years of my freedom. Even just learning to adjust, that ce made me


    institutionalised and I struggled without the constant routine, always looking over my shoulder and on


    edge waiting for the doctors toe in and poke and prod us. Then everything went down the drain


    again, all that time gone and I was finally free and happy within myself and I felt safe.


    Only to have blindfold ripped off and be shown that even out here monsters exist. Showed me that


    they are lurking in the shadows only now I am older and the horrors more real because I knew how


    dangerous they were. I was at the age where I should be able to understand and pick up the signs of


    what a monster looked like. How could I be wrong and blind to it when I was raised in a facility full of


    them torturing us.


    You would think I would be able to recognise them instantly. Yet no one tells you the biggest


    monsters are those we put our trust in, those we blindly trust because they swore to protect and teach


    us. Now looking back, the signs were there. I just missed them. But now they were startlingly clear. And


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    I feared I would never be able to go back to thefortable bliss I lived in before he tried to destroy


    me.


    The way he used to hang around us students, us girls in particr. The way he would help us get


    away with things and bail us out.


    I thought he was just one of the good teachers, a friend even. An adult that saw us for who we were


    instead of just pitying the mutated freaks. But I learned everythinges with a price, I just didn’t see it


    then.


    So does it make it my fault because I missed the warning signs. Even when he asked me to pull


    the blind down, something was screaming at me that something was off, yet I shoved it aside stupidly


    trusting the devil in disguise. So now I find myself questioning everyone''s intentions, looking for


    anything to warn me away. I missed how before it all, I was carefree, invincible and free of my own


    tormented mind.


    I missed my innocence when the world looked colourful and beautiful. Now I only see the darkness


    in everything, the things that could go wrong. Now I worry about how I dress, how I talk, how much of


    myself do I put on disy. That worries me, along with, can they all tell? Can they see how disgusting I


    am? Can they see how much I hated what he tried to do, how much I hate myself for almost letting him


    seed in doing it? But the biggest burning question is, do they me me the same way I me


    myself for not seeing the warning signs. Did I ask for it and is it my fault?


    Looking at my mother, I truly see her for the first time. See why Amanda snapped. I was the


    nightmare Amanda kept living, the memory ingrained in her mind like he is in mine. Tragically broken


    and left with only the broken pieces and no matter how much glue, how much force and strength you


    used to hold those pieces together it only takes one trigger to shatter them all over again and dissolve


    the little safety you felt.


    Hearing movement, I look down between us and find Ryden stirring before feeling movement


    behind me making me look over my shoulder to see Rayan curled up and jammed in my back as he


    snuggled against me. Turning back to face my mother, I find her eyes open, staring back at me.