Chapter 217
#Chapter 217 – Tempers lost
“Are you serious, Evelyn?” he sputters, his eyes going wide. “After all of this? All that we’ve been
through?”
“What?” I snap in response, shaking my head so that my hair falls back over my shoulder. “Is it not a
legitimate question?”
“No, Evelyn!” He says, his voice raising in anger. “It’s absolutely not!”
“Well, it’s legitimate to me,” I say. “And I think I deserve an answer. How do I know?”
“You know,” he says, taking two angry steps towards me, “because I love you, Evelyn. There’s no
space in my mind for anyone else – I couldn’t even begin to think about another woman –“
“All stuff you probably said to Amelia!” I exim. Somewhere deep inside me, I know that I’m probably
being unfair – that I know the extent of what we feel to each other. But…this has also been in the back
of my mind for weeks. Months, if I’m being honest.
Victor tenses his jaw and tightens his lips then, and I know that I’ve got him there. These are all things
he certainly said to Amelia, especially when I came on the scene. So how could I truly trust them
again?
“She was your mate, Victor,” I say, some of the anger leeching at me as I voice this, my deepest
hesitation about our rtionship. “You get one of those in a lifetime. And you left your mate for me –
which is insane –“
“Evelyn,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s different –“
“How can it be different!” I interrupt, throwing up my hands. “I know that you and Amelia had your
problems, and that she was…she was so maniptive, and what she wanted was so contrary to what
you want for your life, and that I fit that bill so neatly – but she was your mate, Victor.”
He doesn’t say anything to me and I just shake my head at him.
“Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I push. “How can I everpete with that? Did you just…did you
just go with me because I fit the image of the wife you want? Because I already had your kids –
because…because I want more children? Because you want more too?”
“No, Evelyn,” he says, shaking his head sharply. “It’s more than that – it’s so much more than that.”
“Your mate, Victor!” I exim.
“Will you please stop throwing that word at me?” he growls. “I don’t have a word to exin what you
are to me, Evelyn – certainly not one thatpetes with what that word means in our world and our
culture. That word is supposed to contain the most powerful connection between two people – but it’s
not.”
I just stare at him, confused, not really following.
“Whatever I have with you, Evelyn,” he says, taking steps towards me. “It’s stronger than that. And just
because I can’t exin it –“ he scoffs, then, running a hand down his face. “I mean, haven’t my actions
shown you –“
“Oh, your actions, sure,” I say, my angering back. “Just the fact that you were standing at the altar
waiting for her toe down the aisle –“
“And what about your actions, Evelyn,” he barks, making me jump a little. “Is it time now to bring up
your betrayal? I parted ways with Amelia and since then have never looked back – not once. But you –
your lies, and your deceptions – they go beyond –“
“Don’t you dare, Victor Kensington,” I say, taking a step towards him and baring my teeth up into his
face. “I gave up half my strength for you – my life – I’m going to die out here in these woods, leaving
my children alone, all so that you would have a chance to –“
“Evelyn,” he snaps, his voice loud and echoing through the trees. “Why are you doing this? Why are
you starting these impossible arguments?”
I hesitate, then, snapping my mouth shut but still looking up at him angrily.
“Have we not left all of these issues behind?” He asks, his voice low with an edge of anger to it.
“Honestly, are we not beyond all of this? Why are you bringing it up now?”
“Because we’re dying, Victor!” I shout, throwing my hands up. “If not now, when?!”
“And this is how you would go?” he says, his voice lower now as he takes a step towards me. “With
usations of me not loving you on your lips? With rootless anxiety in your heart regarding how I feel
about you?”
My eyes fill with tears then, and Ie up with nothing. He’s right, of course – we are beyond all of this
– we’ve had these talks. And if we do die here –
And god damnit, but I’m determined to live – but –
If we do die. He’s right. I want to go with my arms around him, full of the knowledge that we love each
other – that we tried everything we could to build our lives together.
But still, something in me. Something dark urges me on.
“I have to clear the air, Victor,” I say, my voice trembling. “I…I can’t live, or die, with these questions in
my head. She was your mate –“
He opens his mouth, his brows drawing down, ready to fight again, but I shake my head. He closes his
mouth, but I can still see the anger on his face.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever not be able to wonder, Victor,” I say, my voice soft, “if I’ll ever be enough for you.
If I’ll ever reallypare to what you had with her.”
He clenches his teeth and looks off into the distance, and I can see that he is frustrated. Torn, really,
between not wanting to have this fight again, and wanting to defend himself.
“I love you, Evelyn,” he says simply. “It’s all I’ve got. I wish…I wish you could have more faith in that.”
And I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, then. Because it is me, not him – it’s myck of faith that has
caused this rift. All of his words, all of his actions, have all turned towards me in the past months. It
should be enough.
But damnit, the fear…it drags at my soul. Makes me weaker.
“Mama?” Alvin’s voice pulls me out of the moment, towards where my two boys are standing a few
yards away at the top of the little rise. “Can we keep going?”
I stare at the two of them, suddenly embarrassed for forgetting them. How long had they been there?
How much did they hear? Of all people in the world, they are the ones who least need to hear this
argument.
“Yes, baby,” I say, working a smile onto my face and turning towards my kids. “One of youe and
take my hand, help me up this hill.” Ianes forward then and gives his hand to me, helping me
bnce as I work my way up the hill. I can hear Victor following behind.
If I turned, I know what I’d see. His serious face turned towards the ground, his mouth a straight line,
his eyes distant as he wracks his brain trying to find a solution to this problem.
But there is no solution to it, I think, turning it over in my own head. Not when I’m the problem.
The anger still rolls in me as we continue walking for the day, easing a little more as we enter a new
section of forest where the rays of the setting sun pierce through the leaves more easily.
“Here,” Victor says simply, groaning as he takes off his backpack and slings it to the ground. “This will
do.”
Content held by N?velDrama.Org.
We’re all quiet as we move to set up camp, even the boys, who look warily between us.
As I work to put together the tent, Alvines close to me.
“Don’t take it to heart, mama,” he says quietly, looking up at me with his big brown eyes.
I c**k my head at him, curious.
“That section of forest,” he says, looking back the way we came. “It was…darker than the rest. I think,
the magic there…”
I straighten, looking back at the dark path we took, blinking suddenly as I realize that it perhaps wasn’t
just me that dug up those dark thoughts and emotions as we traveled today. That, perhaps, the magic
of this ce had a hand in it as well.
I bite my lip, though, returning to the work. Even if it was the magic that stirred them up, the anxieties
and hesitations were mine, and they were very real. The forest didn’t create them out of nothing.
And, as I finish up the tent, I realize that they’re questions to which I need answers. Absolute answers,
before I can move forward with anything at all.
As I turn to look at Victor kneeling by the fire, I see the realization on his face as well.
Perhaps we weren’t as ready for this as we thought we were.