Chapter 120
idental Surrogate for Alpha by Caroline Above Story Chapter 120
Chapter 120 – Sinir Walks Out
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When my panic attack finally eases and I can breathe again, I peek up at Sinir, tears burning in my
eyes. “I’m sorry.” I murmur weakly, hating that my stupid brain ruined our moment.
“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Sinir counters, still petting me. He hadn’t let me go even once
as I weathered the storm of anxiety and despair, only pulling the pillows and nkets of my nest closer
so I would feel secure.
“Because I screwed everything up.” I exin thickly. “I was supposed to be helping you and I fell apart
at a mere suggestion.” Shame is coursing through my veins, not because of the panic itself, but
because of what it might mean: that I’m too fragile, too broken, to be Sinir’s Luna.
“E, don’t be silly.” He replies, and though I understand he didn’t mean to dismiss my feelings, the
words still sting. Sinir opens his mouth to continue, undoubtedly with some trite cation about how
‘these things happen’ or simr, but I cut him off.
”I’m not being silly!” I insist with exasperation. “What good am I as a mate if I can’t even be there for
you when you need me? I get to lie around all day doing nothing while you’re out saving the world. You
are constantly taking care of me on top of all your other worries, and I never give you anything in
return. It’s not right. You shouldn’t have tofort me when you’re the one who needs to dpress!”
I burst, throwing up my hands. “All this time we’ve been convinced that I can’t be your Luna because
I’m human, but we never even considered that I might not be up to the task, even as a wolf.” My voice
is shaking with fresh tears, and I can’t look at Sinir as I continue, “But now… what more evidence do
we need?”
Sinir doesn’t make a sound, and when I look at him, he’s positively fuming. His heavy breathing and
ck expression tell me he’s barely holding onto his temper, and the hands which were caressing me
mere moments ago are now stationary and stiff. I watch as he struggles to quell his anger, even though
I’m not sure what I said to infuriate him this way. After a second he shakes his head, apparently
surrendering the battle. “I need a minute, E.” He finally growls, “I need to go for a run, but I don’t want
to leave you unless you’re alright.”
“Stop it!” I burst, my voice cracking. I’m out of the bed in a heartbeat, pacing back and forth in front of
the bed. “This is exactly what I’m talking about! Stop protecting me from reality. If you’re angry with me,
then be angry! Let me deal with the consequences of my weakness!”
Sinir leaps out of the nest, stalking forward with white-knuckled fists. “I’m not going to yell at you
when you’ve just had a panic attack, E. If you want to be upset with me, fine, but I need to let my wolf
out and run off this temper.” He turns and charges for the door, bypa*sing mepletely. Then, at the
last moment, he turns back, his wolf glowing in his eyes. “And for the record, this isn’t special
treatment.” He rumbles angrily, “I don’t believe in arguing or taking action when I’m out of control this
way. If you need anything while I’m gone, just ask the guards.”
With that, Sinir disappears, and I can hear his wolf racing away down the hall. For a while I simply
stand there, staring after him. I’m shaking again, and I’m trying my best not to dissolve into a fresh bout
of weeping. I consider calling Cora, but I remember the way she used me of selfishly unloading my
problems onto her, and I refrain.
My wolf is pacing anxiously in my head, whimpering like a pup and feeling just as raw as I am – if more
feral. She’s begging me to do something, to fix this, but I don’t know how. I might have felt terrible for
falling apart when I was supposed to be soothing Sinir, but my wolf seems much more distraught
about Sinir’s anger.
We should go after him! She begs. I can’t stand it, we have to fix this.
We can’t. I grumble in reply. Even if I wasn’t on bedrest and it was perfectly safe, we’ll never be able to
catch up with him. Besides, he’ll only be angrier if we leave the house.
She whimpers in understanding, though she’s still beside herself. I climb back into bed, curling into a
little ball and pulling the nkets over my head. I haven’t felt this way before, though Sinir has
certainly been angry with me in the past. Hey, I ask my wolf after some thought. Why weren’t you this
upset when he used me of being a gold digger, or when he spanked me or dragged me out of
Cora’s?
All those times were different. She argues. I was barely awake in the beginning, and when he’s been
angry in the past it’s been protective. This is the first time he’s really been hostile … and the first time
he’s walked out. What if he doesn’te back?
Of course he’lle back. I a*sure her, but there’s a small part of me that fears the exact same thing.
Logically I know he has toe back, even if he only returns to end our rtionship – after all, he lives
here. But somewhere deep down inside of me there’s a frightened orphan who imagines I’ll never see
him again.
But what if he decides we’re not worth the trouble, and simply takes off for greener pastures? My wolf
presses.
You’re being ridiculous! I shout at her. His entire life is here. His pack is here. He has too much integrity
to abandon his duty that way.
But what if? She digs in her paws. It wouldn’t be the first time. He told us no wolf would ever willingly
abandon their pup, especially with humans – but our parents did. Something must be seriously wrong
with us – what if he’s finally figured it out too? What if this was thest straw?
“Stop it!” I cry aloud, mping my hands over my ears, even though her voice is inside my head. “Stop
it, stop it, stop it!”
A sob wrenches from my chest, and the more time that pa*ses, the more convinced I am that she’s
right. I almost feel as though I’ve left my body and am watching all this take ce. I’ve had out of body
experiences before, so I know that this isn’t what’s happening, but still – I’m both conscious of how
irrational I’m being, but unable to do a thing to stop myself from spiraling deeper into my fears and
insecurities.
When I finally hear Sinir’s footsteps climbing the stairs, the violent fist clenched around my heart
starts to rx, but only just. If he’s back it must be to end things. My wolf wails. I want to shush her, but
instead I focus on trying to look as though I haven’t just spent the better part of two hours crying like a
baby. I whip the nkets off and straighten my body, dragging my fingers through my hair and wiping
the umted salt from my eyshes.
So when the door opens and Sinir walks in, still naked but considerably dirtier than he was when he
left, I’m sitting up in bed pretending to read a book. I look up at him, cursing my lower lip for trembling.
He certainly looks calmer now, but there’s an undeniable tightness around his eyes as he looks me
over. Hees over and moves to sit on the edge of the bed, but my wolf sees the dirt on his golden
skin and a growl surfaces in my chest. Seeming to understand that he’s not allowed to sully my nest,
Sinir reaches his hand towards me, e take a bath with me.”
N?velDrama.Org owns ? this.
I nce at his muddy feet skeptically, and he sighs. “I’ll rinse off in the shower first.”
“Then why not just shower?” I suggest, not wanting to put myself in a situation where I have to feel his
body against mine as he breaks my heart.
“Because I want to have a bath with you.” Sinir answers gruffly, “and I can tell you’re still upset. We
could both use it.”
“Can we just get this over with?” I huff, wrapping my arms around myself to hide my trembling. “There’s
no reason to draw it out, Dominic. Just tell me what you decided.”
His face crumples into a grimace, “Decided about what?”
“Whether or not you’re going to keep me!” I exim, knowing that I’mpletely failing in my attempt
to seem calm and collected.
Just like that, Sinir’s face closes off, and my heart sinks. Oh Goddess, I was right! My wolf howls
mournfully. However instead of agreeing to my request, Sinir res and issues a singlemand,
“Bath. Now.”