#Chapter 45: Bad Taste


    Abby


    “Adam… Are you cheating on me?”


    The anticipation of what Adam is about to say feels like a giant pit in my stomach. He stares down at


    his hands, his fingers worrying each other in the dim light of the bar.


    “Abby,” his voice starts with a tremor, “I’m not cheating on you. I would never do something like that.


    Not to anyone, and especially not to you.”


    The sound of the soft jazz music I’ve got ying on the speakers almost seems to die down, reced


    by a poignant silence. I’m a little relieved, but notpletely. In an odd way, I think that I almost wish


    he was cheating on me. It would make things easier. But now, I think that it must only be an even more


    “What is it, then?” I ask. Every fiber of my being is attuned to him, waiting.


    Adam hesitates for a moment, raking a hand through his hair, a gesture I’vee to associate with his


    nervousness.


    “I’m not into women.”


    His words crash over me like a tidal wave. I struggle to keep myposure, trying to grasp what he’s


    just admitted. My mind goes nk, and then rushes in with a barrage of thoughts.


    Confusion, hurt, and disbelief lead the charge.


    “You’re… gay, Adam? And you knew all this time?”


    Adam nods slowly. I feel like I’m drowning. “You knew all this time, and yet you still put a ring on my


    finger,” I murmur, shaking my head in disbelief. This has got to be some kind of sick dream. “Why did


    you get together with me so quickly, then?”


    After a moment of tense pause, Adam speaks. “I got together with you so quickly because...” He sighs,


    his voice barely above a whisper. “...It made my family happy. It was a way to keep my secret buried


    deep.”


    A lump forms in my throat. Tears well up, threatening to spill. “But why me, Adam?” I croak out. “Why


    would you do this to me, of all the people in the world?”


    He takes a shaky breath, his gaze filled with remorse. “It wasn’t nned, Abby. When we met, I was


    lost. The pressure from my family was suffocating. Being with you, it gave me an escape. Our


    friendship, our moments... they all felt genuine. But as things progressed, it became about maintaining


    a lie. A lie I trapped myself in.”


    I feel sick. “That’s not fair,” I mutter, blinking away the tears that threaten toe. “You toyed with me.”


    Adam sighs deeply. “I know it’s not fair,” he murmurs. “And I know it’s shitty of me. I realize that now.


    But I guess throughout our rtionship, I just kept telling myself that I could be happy with you. That


    even though I wasn’t sexually attracted to you, you made meugh and smile and you’re my best


    friend. I thought that I could get over the other stuff and just spend my life with someone who makes


    me happy.”


    The bar around us fades, and it’s just the two of us in our bubble of truth and revtions. He’s


    vulnerable, and as much as I want to rage at him, I find myself filled with a strange understanding. Not


    eptance, but an understanding of the chains society can wrap around someone, chaining them to


    expectations and norms.


    He’s still speaking, words tumbling out. “I’m so, so sorry, Abby. I’ve been untruthful, and you didn’t


    deserve any of this. I care about you, deeply. But not in the way you should be cared for. Not in the


    romantic way you deserve.”


    I rub the heel of my hand into my eyes, trying to stem the tears. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I


    whisper, pain evident in my voice. “Why let it go on for so long without so much as a hint?”


    His eyes are glistening, mirroring my own emotions. “Fear,” he chokes out. “I was afraid of losing you,


    of losing the one person who made me feel normal.”


    The gravity of it all weighs on me. “So, all this time, every touch, every moment, was it all a lie?”


    He shakes his head, quickly, “No, not a lie. Distorted, yes. But I’ve cherished our moments, Abby. I


    just... I couldn’t offer you the kind of love you expected.”


    I can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. Here is a man, torn and twisted by societal expectations, trying


    to find his ce. But at my expense? The juxtaposition is jarring.


    A long, heavy silence stretches between us. The distant sounds of people passing by on the street fills


    my ears, but it all sounds so far away. I feel like I’m trapped in a vacuum chamber.


    Without thinking, my fingers slide to the engagement ring on my finger. The cool metal feels foreign


    now, a symbol of a love that wasn’t truly mine. With tears blurring my vision, I carefully slide the ring off,


    the finality of the gesture not lost on me.


    I open my palm, disying the once treasured ring to Adam. He looks down, his eyes reflecting the


    same pain I feel.


    “Abby…” His voice cracks, and I can tell he’s struggling with his emotions.


    “Take it,” I whisper, pushing the ring towards him, my tears now streaming down my face. “It doesn’t


    belong to me anymore.”


    Adam’s gaze shifts from the ring to my eyes, and in one swift movement, he pulls me into a tight


    embrace. The world fades away as I bury my face into his shoulder, our shared grief enveloping us. His


    warmth, even in this moment of heartbreak, offers a strangefort.


    We sit like that for what feels like an eternity, two souls bound by a story of love, truth, and regret.


    Sometimes, the hardest goodbyes are the ones that bring the most closure.


    When we finally pull away, we’re both wiping tears out of our eyes.


    “Can we still be friends?” he eventually murmurs, breaking the quiet. “Especially in our professional


    world?”


    Taking a deep breath, I finally respond, “It’s going to take time, Adam. But... yes. We can try.”


    Relief washes over his face, but it’s short-lived. He suddenly bes introspective, his gaze distant.


    “There’s something else,” he starts hesitantly.


    “What now?” My heart feels like it can’t take any more shocks tonight.


    “It’s about Karl.”


    My heart skips a beat. “What about him?”


    Adam hesitates, choosing his words carefully. “From our interactions, from what I’ve gathered... Abby,


    he loves you. Truly.”


    Text property ? N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org.


    I stiffen, not expecting this at all. “Why would you bring this up now?”


    Adam takes a deep breath. “Seeing you two together, the history you share, it’s palpable. I might not


    love you romantically, Abby, but I do care about your happiness. And I think... I think Karl might be a


    part of that.”


    I stare at him, a myriad of emotions washing over me. Anger, confusion, and a touch of hope. Why


    would Adam advocate for Karl? Especially now?


    “I just...” Adam trails off, struggling to find the right words. “I want you to find the happiness that I


    couldn’t give you. And if Karl is the answer, then I hope you find it in yourself to give him another shot.”