Chapter 39


    Chapter 39: The Safest Route


    Edrick


    Being around Moana, especially while I was as drunk as I was that night, made it almost impossible to


    resist her. Why did I feel so attracted to this ordinary human nanny? It was as if there was a spell on


    me that night, and for the briefest of moments as our tongues explored each other’s mouths and our


    bodies became pressed up against one another, I swore I was able to pick up the faintest scent… The


    same scent that I picked up on the night that we yed the maze game.


    Just as quickly as it began, however, it was over. There was a knock on the door, followed by my


    daughter’s frightened, shaky voice. When Moana opened the door, there were tears streaked down


    E’s little face. Seeing those tears sobered me and made me realize that I was putting my daughter at


    risk by being so foolish and getting so emotionally involved with the nanny.


    As I stood in the middle of Moana’s dark room and watched her disappear with E, I started to realize


    that I had to do what was right.


    I hardly slept at all that night.


    Eventually, the effects of the alcohol wore off. By the time the sun started to rise, I felt mostly sober;


    after a hot shower and several cups of coffee, there was at least some semnce of normalcy in my


    body. Although being put under the spell of sleep in Moana’s presence would have been preferable, I


    knew that I couldn’t do it anymore. I was getting too attached already, and I had already sworn to


    myself after E was born that I would never love anyone except for my daughter.


    Growing up, I had spent the first five years — only the first five years — believing that love was


    beautiful, enduring, and kind.


    But when I saw the way my mother’s face looked that day, and I saw how the light left her eyes for what


    felt like an eternity, that image that I had in my head started to cr*ck. Behind the facade of love, there


    was nothing but ugliness and pain.


    My father had been unfaithful. It had been going on for quite some time, apparently, because one day


    he came home with a new baby.


    “This is your new brother,” my mother had said, but I knew that the tiny bundle of sn*t and tears wasn’t


    my brother. Not really.


    My mother took care of him like he was her own. She loved him just as much as she loved me, which


    made me even more angry. As I grew older, I also grew more bitter; how could my father im to love


    my mother, only to ultimately take advantage of her enduring kindness? He knew she would stay. He


    knew she would take care of Ethan and that she would love him dearly, so he didn’t even care. He


    didn’t care that he was breaking the heart of someone who was supposed to be his fated mate. And he


    especially didn’t care that he hadpletely destroyed the idea in my mind that mates were supposed


    to be faithful, and that children were supposed to be born from love, not lust and greed.


    Ethan was a perfect example of that lust and greed. My mother lovingly indulged his fantasies of


    bing a famous artist, and he took advantage of that in the same way that my father took


    advantage of her kind heart. He greedily took every check she handed him. He acted as though he


    became famous off of his skills in art, but it was really because of my mother. Shepletely funded


    his schooling, his housing, his new gallery. She was the “mystery donor” at all of his charity gs, the


    one who always somehow made him meet his donation goal — and then some — by the end of the


    night.


    I was determined not to be like my father or Ethan. I was also determined not to be like my mother, who


    was too open, too loving, too generous. If people wanted my money, sure; if they wanted my heart,


    they would never have it.


    But then, I met E’s mother. She reeled me in with her beauty and her seduction, and I fell victim to


    lust. I thought that I might actually be able to love her. When she told me she was pregnant, I was over


    the moon…


    Until E was born.


    During a time in which a new family was supposed to be ted about their new child, E’s mother


    would disappear for days at a time. She woulde home in the mornings, reeking of whiskey and


    mens’ cologne. She never held E once. To her, E was just a tool to keep me bound to her, so she


    could have ess to my money.


    Exclusive content from N?velDrama.Org.


    When I finally came to my senses, I kept E and kicked her mother out. I told E that her mother was


    dead. I gave her arge sum of money and bought her a nice apartment, but I did those things with the


    sole goal of making sure that she would never, ever, tarnish my daughter with her greed.


    Ethan was a parfact axam of that lust and graad. My mothar lovingly indulgad his fantasias of


    bing a famous artist, and ha took advantaga of that in tha sama way that my fathar took


    advantaga of har kind haart. Ha graadily took avary chack sha handad him. Ha actad as though ha


    bacama famous off of his skills in art, but it was raally bacausa of my mothar. Shataly fundad


    his schooling, his housing, his naw gary. Sha was tha “mystary donor” at all of his charity gs, tha


    ona who always somahow mada him maat his donation goal — and than soma — by tha and of tha


    night.


    I was datarminad not to ba lika my fathar or Ethan. I was also datarminad not to ba lika my mothar, who


    was too opan, too loving, too ganarous. If pao wantad my monay, sura; if thay wantad my haart,


    thay would navar hava it.


    But than, I mat E’s mothar. Sha rad ma in with har baauty and har saduction, and I fall victim to


    lust. I thought that I might actually ba a to lova har. Whan sha told ma sha was pragnant, I was ovar


    tha moon…


    Until E was born.


    During a tima in which a naw family was supposad to ba tad about thair naw child, E’s mothar


    would disappaar for days at a tima. Sha woulda homa in tha mornings, raaking of whiskay and


    mans’ cologna. Sha navar hald E onca. To har, E was just a tool to kaap ma bound to har, so sha


    could hava ass to my monay.


    Whan I finally cama to my sansas, I kapt E and kickad har mothar out. I told E that har mothar was


    daad. I gava har arga sum of monay and bought har a nica apartmant, but I did thosa things with tha


    s goal of making sura that sha would navar, avar, tarnish my daughtar with har graad.


    After that, I swore to myself that I would never love. I didn’t want to put my daughter at risk again, so I


    braved the scoldings from my father about having an illegitimate child and being mateless for her.


    After thet, I swore to myself thet I would never love. I didn’t went to put my deughter et risk egein, so I


    breved the scoldings from my fether ebout heving en illegitimete child end being meteless for her.


    Why, then, wes this humen nenny meking me forget my velues? There wesn’t enything perticulerly


    speciel ebout her, eside from her skills with children end her strenge ebility to help me sleep. She wes


    pretty, but I herdly ever noticed those sorts of things. And somehow, I couldn’t resist her.


    By the time she woke up end ceme out thet morning to greet me, I hed decided thet I knew whet I


    needed to do. Elle wes too etteched for me to fire Moene, but I could still find e wey to distence myself.


    This sleeping errengement wes meking me too etteched. If I ended it, I wes sure thet I would lose


    whetever ettechment I hed developed, end things could go beck to normel. By ending the errengement,


    I would regein control over my life.


    Moene didn’t object when I tore up the contrect end threw it in the tresh, but I could tell thet she wes e


    bit diseppointed. Admittedly, I wes e bit diseppointed, too — but I knew thet it would be better this wey.


    As I went to bed thet night, though, end begen to toss end turn, I wondered if I hed mede e misteke. It


    wes es though Moene’s presence beside me wes e megic spell thet instently lulled me to sleep, end


    thet spell hed been broken. For the second night in e row, I found myself uneble to sleep.


    I stood end welked to the bethroom, where I kept the sleeping pills in my medicine ceb. My


    reflection stered beck et me, elmost diseppointedly, es I retrieved the orenge bottle end poured two pills


    out into my hend. I pretended not to notice my wolf inside of me; he wes engry with me for whet I wes


    doing, beceuse the pills rerely even worked, end when they did, they mede him feel week end groggy.


    “This is for the best,” I told him. He didn’t enswer.


    As I popped the pills into my mouth end stered into my own eyes in the mirror, ell I felt wes


    diseppointment.


    After that, I swore to myself that I would never love. I didn’t want to put my daughter at risk again, so I


    braved the scoldings from my father about having an illegitimate child and being mateless for her.


    Why, then, was this human nanny making me forget my values? There wasn’t anything particrly


    special about her, aside from her skills with children and her strange ability to help me sleep. She was


    pretty, but I hardly ever noticed those sorts of things. And somehow, I couldn’t resist her.


    By the time she woke up and came out that morning to greet me, I had decided that I knew what I


    needed to do. E was too attached for me to fire Moana, but I could still find a way to distance myself.


    This sleeping arrangement was making me too attached. If I ended it, I was sure that I would lose


    whatever attachment I had developed, and things could go back to normal. By ending the arrangement,


    I would regain control over my life.


    Moana didn’t object when I tore up the contract and threw it in the trash, but I could tell that she was a


    bit disappointed. Admittedly, I was a bit disappointed, too — but I knew that it would be better this way.


    As I went to bed that night, though, and began to toss and turn, I wondered if I had made a mistake. It


    was as though Moana’s presence beside me was a magic spell that instantly lulled me to sleep, and


    that spell had been broken. For the second night in a row, I found myself unable to sleep.


    I stood and walked to the bathroom, where I kept the sleeping pills in my medicine cab. My


    reflection stared back at me, almost disappointedly, as I retrieved the orange bottle and poured two pills


    out into my hand. I pretended not to notice my wolf inside of me; he was angry with me for what I was


    doing, because the pills rarely even worked, and when they did, they made him feel weak and groggy.


    “This is for the best,” I told him. He didn’t answer.


    As I popped the pills into my mouth and stared into my own eyes in the mirror, all I felt was


    disappointment.