217- Routine and rigidity


    Over the next week, we all settle into a mostlyfortable routine. We all work during the day, myself


    and Bemy on managing the Shifters and Megan works on finishing her final assignments and


    nning her future business. Darrien spends most of his time helping Megan or hanging out with Kiara.


    We’ve decided to wait for the new school year to send her back. Partly because she’s missed so much


    it just makes more sense that way, and partly because she has been through so much we don’t want to


    rush her. No, her only job right now is just to heal and recover. She still isn’t really talking. Just an


    asional word here or there. She hasn’t done much this week but we’ve discovered she enjoys


    reading and we made ns for a ydate with her and Logan on the weekend that I believe she is


    looking forward to. Since the work Bemy and I do each day does vary, the most consistent part of our


    routine is the evenings. We all try to have dinner together as a family, the five of us. Then after dinner


    Kiara will get ready for bed and at eight on the dot Bemy and I go up to say goodnight to her. She is


    very consistent and seems to enjoy routine. We didn’t even set her a bedtime, although we probably


    should have. No, apparently she always went to bed at eight before so she just naturally started doing


    it now.


    It’s Friday night and about five minutes to eight. Bemy is on a phone call sosture to him that I’m


    heading upstairs to ch*ck on Kiara and he mouths to me that he will follow in a


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    minute. I find Kiara in the bathroom brushing her teeth. She startles as I walk in. She does


    that a lot these days and I can’t say I me her. In her shock, she whirls around and elbows a


    porcin soap dish off of the counter and onto the floor where it cracks and breaks into two pieces. Her


    big eyes widen even more than usual and she looks horrified. I wave it off.


    “No harm done.” I tell her, carefully picking up the pieces and dropping them in a bin. I ch*ck the floor


    for splinters but it seems to have broken cleanly. Kiara finishes with her teeth but she still looks tense.


    She shuffles down the hall to her bedroom, keeping her eyes on the floor. Her room has had a bit of a


    makeover thisst week, we’re still working on it but rather than a pretty, but generic looking


    guestroom, it now looks like a girl’s room. There is an increasing amount of pink and purple throughout


    the room and already she is building up possessions. Mostly because every adult who enters this


    house seems to bring back gifts.


    Myself included. Still, standing in the doorway something looks off about it. It tak


    me a moment to realise what it is. The room is just TOO clean. Too tidy. I mean Kiara doesn’t appear to


    be a very messy child, but she is still a nine year old girl. There should be some sign of her spending


    time here. But there isn’t. The bed is perfectly made, the toys perfectly arranged. It all makes for a bit of


    a ‘show home‘ type feeling. I fight a frown, not wanting


    a


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    Kiara to think I’m upset with her.


    “Into bed sweetheart.” I prompt, pulling back the covers. She scrambles into bed and I gently pull the


    covers over her. I’m about to tuck her in and say goodnight when I see tears running down her cheeks.


    “Oh honey, what’s wrong?” I ask, ducking my head to see her face better. I didn’t really. expect Kiara to


    answer me out loud since she still doesn’t do that much, but to my surprise she does.


    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break anything.” She sniffles.


    “Sweetheart, it’s alright. I know it was an ident. I’m not mad. No one is angry with you!” I grab her


    hand and squeeze it, trying to reassure her. She continues to cry and she seems almost scared.


    Actually scratch that, she is scared. One look around this room and I can suddenly see what the issue


    is. She is scared that if she does something wrong, says something wrong or causes us any trouble,


    she is going to be sent away. It breaks my heart that she feels that way and I struggle to find words to


    tell her.


    “This is your home now. We don’t expect you to be perfect all the time. I’m certainly not perfect. None


    of us are.” I tell her gently. She continues to cry and shakes her head.


    “D- daddy told me that my family will always take care of me. Even when I mess up. But I don’t have a


    family anymore.” She lowers her tear stained eyes to herp where she is clutching the nkets. Fluh,


    it seems like I’ve stumbled onto a pre–existing case of anxiety. Something from before she was


    kidnapped. I guess that makes sense, she is a very orderly kid. I’m very careful with my next words.


    “Did you know that I didn’t have parents growing up?” I start. Kiara’s eyes fly up to mine. I


    nod slowly.


    “I was even younger than you. I never even met my parents. I grew up in group homes. My magic is


    unusual so they never really knew what to do with me. I spent a long time being sad about it.


    Sometimes even angry. I thought life was unfair because I didn’t have a family like everyone else did.


    But I realised something recently. I didn’t have a normal family, but I did make myself a new one. I just


    didn’t realise it at the time. Harry is like my annoying big brother. He also doesn’t have any parents you


    know? He and I were each other’s family when


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    we were little. Then when I was older I met Maggie and Logan and they became my family too. Now I


    have Bemy and Megan, Darrien, Aaron and all the others. And of course I have you.” I pause and I


    can see that Kiara looks thoughtful, she is listening so I continue.


    “I can’t bring back the family I lost. I’m still sad about it sometimes too. I don’t know what life would


    have been like if I got to keep them. But I made myself a new family and I love them all so, so much.


    You can do that too. I know it hurts that your parents are gone, and it will probably always hurt at least


    a bit. But you can still be happy. You can choose to love people and to make them your family. I can’t


    rece your mum or dad. But if you let me, I would like to be part of your family. So would all the


    others. We all care about you and want you to be happy. There’s no need to hold back. We’re not going


    to get upset and kick you out or stop loving you. I’m sure there will be times when someone hasn’t had


    their morning coffee and they get grumpy and I bet there will be times when you get grumpy with us


    too. But it won’t change anything.” I promise her.


    “There is nothing you could do to make us send you away.” I tell her. Kiara’s face falls and in a small


    voice she answers.


    “But I think there is.”


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