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I keep myself angled to the wall, my back to Bemy. Okay so showering in underwear might be a little
weird, but it lets me feel a little less exposed while still attempting to be brave. Not that I’m particrly
aiming for anything intimate right now. Nope, not at all. I feel dreadful and miserable. But I want to be
clean and I want Bemy with me. Okay, maybe I also want a distraction. Nervous and overly self
conscious might not be the best feeling, but it’s better than the alternative. Bemy seems kind of
speechless, which is funny since he was the one who started trying to undress me in the first ce. I
nce back over my shoulder and find that he is staring a hole through my back.
“Uh, Bemy?” I ask hoarsely. Turns out vomiting is hell on your throat. Actually my mouth tastes awful.
“I’m not totally sure what I’m supposed to be doing. Well, I don’t know what you want.” He admits.
“Well, right this second, I’d like you to pass me the mouthwash.” I answer, partly because, well… I want
the mouthwash, and partially because I’m stalling. I reach out blindly behind me and Bemy ces
the bottle of mouthwash in my hand. I almost drop it, stic bottle. plus water equals klutziness. The
spearmint liquid somehow burns and cools my mouth at the same time as I rinse it out. I catch a little
water from the shower in my hands and rinse the
overly strong mouthwash from my mouth. Seriously, why is something that is intended to
touch a person’s taste buds taste so bad? I hand the bottle back to Bemy.
“Ry, sweetheart? What should I do?” I don’t turn around but I’m pretty sure that Bemy is shuffling in
ce. He wants to be helpful and he wants to DO something to make me feel better. He hates waiting,
or rather he hates inaction and not knowing what to do.
“You don’t need to do anything. Just be here and if you can think of a way to make my brain. shut up
and stop reying my nightmare fromst night, that would be awesome.”
Bemy thinks for a minute.
“So you want a distraction then.” He rifies. I nod and stick my head under the stream of water to start
rinsing out the vomit.
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“Well, you’re meant to return to work tomorrow. You need to decide what you’re going to do.” He says
pointedly. Oh, I had actually forgotten that. Time thisst two weeks has somehow been very fast and
very slow at the same time. It feels like it’s only been like two days, but at the same time it feels like it’s
been forever since I wasst at work. Yeah I don’t think Bemy would take it well if I said I wanted to
go back to work. The good news for him is that I don’t particrly want to go back. The longer I’m away
the less I want to be there. But I can’t just sponge off Bemy forever. It’s just not something I can put
up with. I would feel way too guilty, and Bemy would make it way too easy for me to bezy. I
tip shampoo. onto my hand and start running it through my hair while I think.
“Well, you’ll be thrilled to hear that I don’t n to throw a fit about needing to go back immediately, I
don’t really even want to go back that badly. But it is my job and I need the money. I don’t have any
more leave so I’m not really sure what my other choices are. I have to pay my rent somehow.” I sigh in
frustration. When Bemy answers, the only word I can use to describe his tone is controlled. He is
obviously choosing his words with care. Probably trying not to be all bossy again.
“I’m sure you know what I would prefer you do, but in case you don’t, I want you to quit. Just
don’t go back, you don’t need that job.” I roll my eyes even though he can’t see it. I start
rinsing the shampoo from my hair.
“I do too need my job. Rent is a thing, not to mention I have bills and I need food every now
and then.” I remind him. Bemy sighs.
“Okay, forget your rent and bills for a minute. What else do you NEED money for? I can give you one of
my credit cards if it would stop you worrying about it.” He offers. I freeze up and my initial reaction is to
t out refuse and yell at him for being so casual about trying to just give me money. Something about
being independent and so on. But I’m pretty sure that he
trying to be controlling or anything by making the offer, he probably really is just thinking it will make
things less stressful for me. He really doesn’t seem to understand why I’m so concerned about money.
He’s never been broke and it kind of shows. While I think about how to respond, I tip shampoo on my
palm and start running it through my hair.
Wasn’t
“Okay, so i’m thinking you don’t love that suggestion.” Bemyments.
“I don’t like it, but I am trying to think of other solutions. I want to find an oue that we can both be
happy with. I’m also trying to remind myself that I shouldn’t be offended by you offering money… and
how did you know that I didn’t like it?” I question. Bemyughs.
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“Because you already shampooed your hair. You’re washing it a second time.” he points out. Oh, oops.
I rinse my hair and swap the shampoo bottle for the conditioner.
“Right… Do you have any suggestions? I suspect that you didn’t just start thinking about this
now.”
“You suspect correctly. So, I have an idea about your ce. Just try not to freak out and think about it
before you answer, okay?” He says warily. Oh great, that sounds less than hopeful. I run conditioner
through the ends of my hair.
????
“I’ll try.” I hedge.
“Okay, so what if I could find someone to take over your lease? Maggie would still have a tennant and
she wouldn’t lose any money. You wouldn’t have to worry about rent or bills, you know you can stay
here as long as you want. Forever ideally.” He adds. Okay, so that’s not. what I thought he would say. I
mean I’m not shocked he wants me to give up my ce, but I am surprised to hear that he thought it
through so much, tried to work out a n so that it doesn’t negatively affect Maggie. Now I feel a little
bad for my earlier thought about him. never being broke. I mean it’s technically true, but he’s just
demonstrated that he is aware of people’s finances. It’s just me that he thinks shouldn’t worry. I’m
having shbacks to when Megan told me that Shifters tend to want to be very generous towards their
mates. I can’t say it isn’t true. Still, I’m not totally sold on this n. I need my own ie, I need to
work. I can’t just sit around all the time forever. I also don’t want to feel like I’m getting forced out of my
ce and I don’t want to just ditch Maggie. She’s been a good friend to me, and I miss
seeing her regrly.
“1… I’m not sure. I’ll talk about it with Maggie and see how I feel after that.” A thought
urs to me.
“But that doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to quit my job! I need to earn my money, you can’t just give it to
me. This needs further discussion. But I should call Maggie first.” I conclude. I nce back at Bemy
who immediately looks away. Okay, well he did well with the whole distraction thing, I haven’t thought
about him probably watching me this whole time… up until right now. I turn off the water and before I
can ask, Bemy is dropping a towel over my
shoulders.
“Thanks.” I pull it tight around me and step out of the shower, finally turning to face Bemy
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142- Shampoo and spending
properly. He looks… hopeful. Apparently this conversation is going better than he expected. I head
back into the bedroom and find some clean clothes. Bemy picks up my vomit covered clothes and
drops them in a hamper. Bemy closes his eyes so that I can get dressed and as soon as I tell him
that it’s safe to open them again he’s handing me my phone so that I can call Maggie. He’s very eager,
but to be fair, I do need to figure this out today.