53–Selfish and shy


    When we reach the grave from before, I stop and release his hand. It falls to his side. I stare at the


    grave and avoid his face.


    “You were right when you said I’m selfish.” I start.


    “I don’t know how to trust. Until now, I’ve never even tried to, not really, I run away, hide and


    who tries to get close to me. But there is on


    avoid everyone thing I have always trusted and that is fate. These threads that I see. They never


    deceive me, they show truth, good and bad. They do nothing to spare my feelings because fate doesn’t


    care about my feelings. There are times I wish I couldn’t see them at all because what I see is so


    heartbreaking. But despite that, I really do trust them. Completely. I trust them sopletely that I


    know I will be tied to you forever, even when we are both dead and gone.” I pause and turn to face


    Bemy. His expression is giving nothing away and I have to once again fight my natural inclination to


    flee.


    “I’m selfish because I knew that even if I ran away from my feelings and rejected you, it wouldn’t be


    forever because you’re fated to be mine eventually. I’m selfish because I drove you away and hid the


    truth, even though I knew the time woulde when I would want you


    back, and that eventually, you woulde back to me, because fate never lies to me. I’m selfish


    because refusing you was easy.” I stop and my eyes drop to the floor, staring at my feet. There is blood


    on my skirt. I’m shaking again. I push forward, I need to finish what I


    came to say.


    “It was so easy, not because I didn’t want to be yours, but because I already was yours. I’ve been yours


    completely, even before we ever met, I knew I could never be with anyone else. I just wasn’t ready to


    ept that, to trust in something, someone other than fate. The night of the party, I never meant for it


    to be all or nothing, it was just… not yet.” I still can’t look up, I don’t notice Bemy moving until I feel


    his hand on my shoulder. His other hand moves to my chin and I’m forced to look up at him. His face


    has softened. The anger has faded, and his


    expression is… hopeful.


    “And what about now? Is it still not yet?” His voice is gentle, and I find myself lost in hist golden eyes.


    Part of me wants to throw myself in his arms, tell him that I’m his and that I missed him, but part of me


    still wants to run away, and I don’t think I can pretend that part of me doesn’t exist. I promised to be


    truthful so that’s what I’m going to be..


    1/4


    53- Selfish and shy


    “I don’t want to lie to you… I don’t know if I’m ready to be your mate, but… but I do know that I can’t


    just walk away from you again. It hurts too much, I miss you too much.” I admit. Bemy smiles at me,


    a proper smile. Until this very second, I didn’t realise how much I’ve needed his smile.


    “I missed you too, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.” He mutters. He moves slowly, his


    intentions clear. He’s giving me time to stop him, to move away. He’s watching my face for any sign that


    this isn’t okay, waiting for me to flinch back, but I don’t, I hold still and stare up into his eyes. Finally, he


    leans all the way in and kisses me. A proper kiss this time, not the light brush fromst time. This kiss


    is gentle and sweet and perfect. I can tell he is holding back, being careful not to scare me away and I


    appreciate it. Shyly, awkwardly, I kiss him back. This is the first kiss I’ve always wanted, hoped for.


    Bemy pulls back and examines my face. I give him a timid smile and his answering smile is so bright


    it’s practically blinding. His hand slides down my shoulder and he takes my hand.


    “Fate says we’re meant to be, and I believe you. But we control how. We don’t need to jump right into


    anything you aren’t ready for. We can move forward at our own pace. As long as we are actually


    moving forward together.” Bemy says, his voice is gentle but I know he’s waiting for something from


    me. Some kind ofmitment, or promise. I’m not sure what


    more I can tell him than what I already have so I nod.


    “I’ll try not to run again.” Bemy smiles so it must be enough for him. I nce down at our hands. I


    blurt out my next words without thinking.


    “Do we have to tell everyone?” my wordse out in a rush. Bemy looks confused.


    “You… want to keep this a secret?” I give a half nod–half shrug.


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    “Not from Megan or Darrien or anything like that. Just… from everyone else. The Alphas, the other


    Shifters…” I trail off and understanding dawns on his face.


    “You’re afraid of the pressure?” he confirms. I nod. Bemy is quiet for a moment, then gives


    a heavy sigh.


    “You know I would never let anyone pressure you. But if this is what you want… what it takes. to have


    you… just tell me it’s not forever.” I stare at him in horror.


    2/4


    53- Selfish and shy.


    “Of course it’s not forever, I couldn’t do that to you, to either of us. I just need time to… get used to it


    all.” I exin. Bemy nods.


    “I can give you time.” I smile at him, lean up on my toes and kiss him lightly on the cheek. I can feel


    myself blushing red as I do so and Bemy smiles at my embarrassment. Suddenly, without warning,


    he begins tough. He isughing so hard that he can barely stand up straight. I’m so confused, what


    is so funny?


    “What is it?” I demand. Bemy holds up his free hand as he tries to pull himself together. It takes him a


    moment but finally he is calm enough to speak again.


    “I was thinking about the day we met, when you answered the door in your pyjamas and slippers, with


    your hair all mussed. Your expression… it was part awe and part horror. I guess now I know why. It


    makes so much more sense. At the time, I thought that you must have some issue with Shifters. It’s


    part of why I was so rude.” I stare at him in surprise, I really thought I did a better job hiding my reaction


    than that. It doesn’t take long for me to startughing too which sets Bemy off again..


    “I knew I’d have a soul mate somewhere, but I really didn’t expect you to just show up at my doorstep. I


    mean I really did try to stay calm. I was freaking out.” I point out to him. He


    chuckles.


    “I believe it. Looking back, I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs right away. I found you so easily. When


    you showed me those blisters on your feet from the heels I was furious which was insane because I


    didn’t know you, your asshole neighbour made me lose it quicker than anyone ever has before and you


    stood up to me. You even managed to kick me out. I’m the Alpha, people don’t do that to me. But it was


    my own fault I suppose, I did act like a jerk, although it didn’te easy.” I roll my eyes at him.


    “You mean you had to actively TRY to be mean to me?” Bemy mimics a serious expression and


    nods, but the glint in his eyes gives him away. I can’t help butugh at him.


    “What is that?” Bemy wonders aloud. That’s when I realise my phone is still hooked around my wrist


    and it’s vibrating. I have to pull my hand from his in order to unhook the phone from my wrist and


    answer it. Bemy pouts and I have to fight the desire to giggle. The call is from Darrien.