chapter 117 Fifteen


    Evelyn’s POV


    Four years, it’s been four years since I escaped that house of horrors and yet the memories have


    back of mind, yet now it hase back with a vengeance. Making me relive every minute. Was it


    because of that night in the alleyway? Did that undo everything I worked so hard to suppress? I have


    always suffered with anxiety, always found my way back from it. But now my walls were crumbling, and


    I was killing myself trying to rebuild them back to the way they were.


    Everything I worked so hard to leave behind me nowing forth in the worst way possible.


    Haunting not only my mind but my body. Panic attacks, something that bes crippling, the feeling


    ofplete dread threatening to consume you, make you believe it is the end and sometimes, I wish it


    were. At least I wouldn’t have to suffer through another, at least I wouldn’t have to relive my past. At


    least I wouldn’t have to remember again if it all ended. The nightmares haunting my sleep; the


    memories haunting me when I am awake a never-ending cycle. It scared me to sleep, scared to hear


    him creeping into my room, scared to sense the doom that came when he did. The dreams felt real, felt


    like it was happening. It didn’t matter that I was safe away from him, in those moments he might as well


    have been doing it all over again. Three days now I have been awake. I felt like a zombie. My body on


    autopilot, yet my mind was reliving a nightmare. I was tired, so tired. I just wanted rest, but I knew even


    in my sleep there was no rest.


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    I had been staring at this TV for three days. Too scared to move, Orion just sitting watching with


    me. Yawning, I stretch, my muscles aching from sitting and my back and neck cracking from sitting in


    the cramped position I was in. I feel Orion watching me as I walk into the kitchen, feel his eyes on my


    back, boring holes into me. I was nearly out of pills again, only four left in the bottle, and the panicked


    feeling of knowing I was going to run out crept over me.


    They helped me rx, numbed me to everything around me. Feeling his presence behind me, I


    look over my shoulder and see him leaning on the counter. “You need to sleep. If you just sleep you will


    feel better” Easy for him to say he doesn’t suffer through the nightmares. Rolling my eyes at him. I


    bring the pill bottle to my lips, dropping the four pills in my mouth. Maybe he is right, maybe if I could


    just sleep even for an hour, I would feel better. My body was exhausted, and I felt sick and uneasy.


    Orion snatches the pill bottle from my hand, but he is toote. I had already swallowed them.


    “They won’t hurt me. They aren’t strong enough to kill me,” I tell him, but he eyes me carefully. I


    have been on these pills for three years now. I know what I can handle and have taken more than the


    prescribed dose before. They just make me sleepy and numb. I may be many things but never suicidal.


    Although sometimes I have entertained the idea, I would never do that, because that means even after


    all these years he would still have control. Even though he is dead, I would never give him that


    satisfaction knowing he destroyed me.


    Walking up the stairs, I head for the bathroom wanting to shower. Orion following me up as he


    always does. He usually sits on the basin watching me, or sometimes he hops in. I amfortable in


    his presence and find him being near rxing. I can’t exin it. Orion tried saying it was the bond. I


    feelfortable around Thaddeus and Rnd, but with Orion I feel safest. Stripping off, I turn the


    water on and hop in. Only instead of Orion, Thaddeus, and Rnd step into the shower. I look at them,


    worried. I know they won’t hurt me, yet Thaddeus always makes me feel uneasy and Rnd’s eyes


    always roam, making me feel ufortable.


    “Where is Orion?” I ask, my voice sounds slurred and both of them stare at me for a few seconds.


    “He went to get your medication,” Rnd answers, studying me as I lean heavily on the wall. The


    pills were kicking in, my muscles rxing, and I was starting to feel like melting jelly. I shower quickly,


    knowing I need to get downstairs before I can barely walk. Stepping out, I wrap my towel around me


    and walk into the bedroom, but now even dressing felt like a major task that I am not up for. Forcing my


    limbs to move, I grab one of their shirts, slipping it on before walking out and heading for the stairs.


    Gripping the bannister tightly as I feel myself stumble, keeping myself upright. Rnd moves to me.


    “Don’t touch me,” I tell him, and he puts his hands up in surrender but lingers as I descend the


    stairs. I flop heavily on the lounge, a giggle escaping my lips at the rush of falling. I must look mad, but I


    don’t care. My face and limbs going numb but my mind awake and alert as I roll on my side facing the


    TV. Not really watching but the pictures help, the voices that sound like a soft murmur barely reaching


    my ears as I zone out staring nkly at the TV. Time slipping me by.


    I don’t know how much time passes, but Thaddeus eventually leaves me, and I finally rx


    knowing he is gone. Minutes ticking by slowly as I lose track of time. My eyes be heavy as I fight


    sleep, panic kicking in, and I realise I shouldn’t have taken the pills. I need sleep, but the thought


    scares me. Panic seizing me as I stumble to the kitchen. My mouth felt so dry, leaving an unpleasant


    taste in my mouth. I drop the ss into the sink when I try to fill it, picking it up again, clutching it with


    both hands only to drop it again. My fingers are still numb, and I give up, resorting to just drinking


    straight from the tap.


    Walking back to the couch, I flop back down wondering when Orion will be back. Rnd wakes as


    I sit on the couch, his eyes snapping open. I can see how tired he is.


    “Go to bed,” I yawn while speaking.


    “I will when you do,” he says yawning, making me yawn. Who ever said yawning was contagious


    was correct? Thaddeus walks downstairs, sitting next to me before retrieving the remote. He flicks


    through the channels before growling when the only thing on is infomercials. He drops his back on the


    couch and I watch him. He seems tired too and his aura feels electrified. Even Rnd looks at him


    worriedly, feeling the vibe he is giving off.


    “Go get some sleep, I will wait with her till Oriones back,” he says rubbing Thaddeus thigh.


    Thaddeus shakes his head.


    “I can’t the bed feels empty,” he murmurs pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He growls


    before turning to me, a re on his face.


    “You need to sleep, why do you keep fighting it?”


    I ignore him. For days they have asked the same question. At least when Orion is here, he doesn’t


    ask. Just leaves me be.


    “I want to go home, I was fine till I came here,” I tell him, and he growls louder, making my heart


    rate pick up and thump erratically in my chest.


    “Come, I willy with you till you fall asleep,” Rnd says to him. Thaddeus sighs before getting


    up, and I feel bad knowing I am the reason they remain awake. Yet if they dreamed the things I did,


    they wouldn’t want to sleep either, but I can’t tell them that. Can’t let them find out what I did. I will only


    relive what he did, what I did. I wasn’t proud of it. I did what I had to but at what cost? Was I any better


    than the monsters I now live with?


    Rnd and Thaddeus head upstairs, and I find myself staring off nkly for a while before I try to


    rest my eyes. They felt dry and sore. Closing them for a few seconds, I let myself drift. My mind slipping


    into unconsciousness. The dream always starting the way it always did. The creak of stairs, the top


    step was always loudest and creaked under any weight. I tug the nket around myself, praying he


    walks past my door, letting out a breath when I hear his steps move past to his bedroom. Relief


    flooding me. He always touched me from the first night I moved in with them. Fear paralysing me each


    time, and I med myself for it. For being weak and not fighting back. After that night he would always


    sneak in and never do more than grope me, touch me. But that night, I heard him walk past the door,


    and relief flooded into me thinking I would finally get rest.


    Only I heard him stop. Not hearing his door click shut made me hold my breath. His footsteps


    returned, getting louder. The twist of my doorknob as it turned forever engraved in my head.


    The smell of bourbon filled the room, and I felt like I could’t breathe. I know he is standing next to


    my bed, and I feel dread creep into me, feel his eyes roaming over every inch of my covered body.


    Only this time he doesn’t touch me. No, this time he does something way worse, something so painful I


    feel my heart break into a thousand pieces. My soul shattering, my fear paralysing me for a second


    until I feel him removing everything. I start to struggle, but he is so heavy, and I am small and trapped


    beneath him. My fear consumes me when I hear his voice next to my ear. “Struggle and Lana is next.


    You don’t want me to hurt little Lana, now do you?”


    My mind goes to her in the room a few doors down. She got here a week after me. She was ten; I


    was nearly sixteen. As far as I knew, he never touched her. Lana assured me he never did when we


    escaped. But that night what he said paralysed me instantly when I remembered her innocent face, her


    blonde ringlets that hung to the middle of back and blue doe eyes. We had be close, having both


    grown up in foster care. We shared the same struggles, knew how lonely a ce it was.


    The thought of her made me freeze, and I watched. Praying I would pass out from the pain,


    praying his wife woulde home and stop him. Neither happened, and I was forced to endure and


    watch the terrible things he did, silent tears running down my face. Minutes felt like hours but when he


    was done, he walked out leaving me there. My sheets turned red with the blood of my innocence; my


    soul bled out of me. I was used goods, nothing but filth, and I felt so dirty, so pathetic, and the shame


    thates with what he did kept me silent. Shame was what stopped me from speaking out. Shame


    made me endure for an entire year after that, shame and fear of what he would do if I tried to stop him.


    And right now, my dreams were forcing me to live it. I struggled to try to force myself to wake. I


    subconsciously knew I was dreaming, knew I wasn’t there, but the dream was sucking me in. My heart


    pounded in my chest when I suddenly broke out of it, sitting upright. I gasp for air. Drenched in sweat,


    my skin felt cold and my lungs restricting. The TV had gone into sleep mode and switched off; the ce


    waspletely dark and silent except for the erratic sound of my breathing. Looking around, I notice


    Orion still isn’t back. I do not know how long I was asleep for but it was probably minutes as my eyes


    felt like sandpaper. Getting up, I hunt for my pills before remembering I have none left. My entire body


    was trembling, and the dark was making me feel ustrophobic. I flick on the lights illuminating the


    house. Sitting on the lounge, I try to calm myself, try to ground myself.


    I can hear movement upstairs before hearing footsteps on the stairs. Rnd must have felt my


    panic as he suddenly appears at the bottom of the stairs, looking rmed and looking for the danger.


    His eyes fall on me and he sits on the couch furthest from me.


    “You okay?” he asks. I can see something flicker in his eyes, something I can’t decipher. I nod.


    “You know he can take it away?” he says making my eyes snap to his.


    “What?” I ask, confused.


    “Whatever happened that haunts you, Thaddeus can make it stop, make you forget,” he says.


    I wanted to forget what I would do to forget, to erase that year from my memory. “How?” I ask.


    “By telling him what happened, he can erase it all,” Rnd says. I shake my head; I can’t do that. I


    can’t let anyone know. The thought alone disgusts me and makes bile rise in my throat.


    Rnd stands up, his entire body radiating anger, and his eyes darken. His canines protrude, and I


    feel fear creeping in. “You’re not the only affected by it, you realise that don’t you? You need to either


    deal with it or let him remove it. I can’t keep feeling what you feel, with no fucking answers, Evelyn.


    Every emotion you feel, I feel. Your fear, sadness, your shame, and your guilt, your fucking exhaustion.


    I feel it all, and it is infuriating that I can feel everything and not know what is causing it. They can feel it


    too through me. You are turning our fucking bond into a curse,” he yells at me.


    I stay silent, and eventually he storms upstairs. “You think feeling it is bad, try fucking reliving it,” I


    scream back at him, anger bubbling through me.


    Rnd freezes, a menacing growl escaping him before he is suddenly standing in front of me.


    “I didn’t ask for this. You all brought me here, you brought it back. I was fine till you fucking walked


    into my life,” I scream at him before I hear movement upstairs again. Thaddeus’s growl making my


    eyes snap to the stairs. Rnd is breathing heavily and I can feel rage inside him.


    Thaddeus appeared behind me, making me jump, the intensity of his gaze making me flinch away


    from him. His eyes are like storm clouds, his fangs protruding as he steps toward me. “We can’t help


    you if we don’t know what’s wrong,” he says, his voice emotionless and cold. I suddenly wished Orion


    was back, fear consuming me as the lights flicker, something I know as his anger before he erupts. No


    sooner than I thought it, Orion walks in, and I instantly run to him. Anything to get away from Thaddeus.


    Orion grips me tightly, worried for a second as he takes in the room. I notice he is saturated, his clothes


    dripping wet making me step away from him as I feel the coldness seep into me, making me shiver.


    “What’s going on?” he asks, looking at them.


    Thaddeus calms slightly before pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Ask her, you can


    deal with her. I am going to bed to try to sleep,” he says before going upstairs, Rnd follows before


    stopping next to me. His eyes soften as he looks down at me before he pulls me to him.


    “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and I can feel Orion''s eyes on us. Tingles spread all over my body and I


    rx against him before cing my hand on his chest. He feels warm and as much as I hate to admit,


    he feels safe. They all do yet touching leads to memories and I reluctantly pull away. Rnd sighs


    before walking upstairs. I walk back to the couch and flick the TV on.


    “You were gone awhile,” I tell him, and he nods before dropping a bag on the bench. He looks


    tired, even though I know he doesn’t sleep.


    “I know you’re hiding something, but whatever it is, we won’t judge you for it, Evelyn. They only


    want to help, and you keep shoving us out,” he says before rummaging through the bag. He walks


    over, cing a bottle of pills in my hand.


    “I need to shower, and you need sleep. These aren’t helping you,” he states before walking up the


    stairs leaving me with my thoughts. I look at the bottle before getting up and cing them on the


    bench. I can’t take anymore, not without the risk of overdose.


    My clothes were wet from Orion. Deciding to go change, I walk up the stairs and rummage through


    the cupboard before finding another shirt and slipping it on. Hearing the shower running, I see light


    stepping in before sitting on the sink. Orion has his back to me, but I know he heard mee in


    because he speaks.


    “Goy down, Evelyn, please.” I feel tears brim at his words. He sounds annoyed with me, making


    me feel annoyed at myself for being weak. Opening the door, I step out, intending to go back


    downstairs. Thaddeus rolls over, his hypnotic green eyes glowing as he watches me, making me


    freeze. He tosses the nket back, and I think he is going to get up until I realise he wants me to hop


    in with him. I look toward the door and turn toward it, about to go downstairs, then I stop before looking


    back. He is still watching, waiting to see what I do, and for some reason I feel drawn to him like a moth


    to a me.


    “Please, just sleep. We won’t let anyone hurt you” he whispers.


    He says that, but how safe am I sleeping in a bed with two monsters? Yet they feel safer than my


    mind does. Walking over, I climb in and feel him pull the nket up. He rolls on his back before closing


    his eyes, his bare side touching my arm sending sparks up it to my neck making me rx slightly. I sit


    there for a few minutes and hear the shower turn off, making me sit up on my elbow looking at the door.


    Thaddeus shifts slightly, making my eyes look down and I see he is watching me closely. Iy back


    down, putting my head on his chest. He takes a breath in and I feel him rx before I feel his hand


    rubbing my back, my eyes getting heavier as I fall asleep.


    Orion POV


    Walking out of the bathroom, I slip into the walk in. Evelyn’s scent is strong in the room, and I


    quickly chuck some close on before going to walk out when I notice something move out of the corner


    of my eye on the bed. Walking over, I feel relief flood into me when I see Evelyn is asleep. Thaddeus


    green eyes stare up at me, and he shrugs, shocked himself. He moves over, pulling her with him and


    making room for me. Iy next to her, feeling rxed. Her racing heartbeat and frantic emotions have


    had all of us on edge. Thaddeus the most because he hasn’t fed, and I could tell he wants to mark her.


    Evelyn has rxed, and I know it’s because she is allowing him to be close to her.


    Thaddeus is usually a man of few words. He usually takes what he wants without question or


    permission, yet thest few days he has been on edge wanting to force her to tell us, but each time


    Rnd and I have held him back. He doesn’t want to scare her, but it’s killing him not knowing. Once


    they fall asleep, I walk downstairs before heading to the library. I sit for a few hours reading, trying to


    consume my mind with anything other than Evelyn and my mates. Hours tick by and the sunes up.


    I stay quiet as I walk upstairs, not wanting to wake them. Evelyn moves and Thaddeus’s grip on her


    tightens. She snuggles into him and I drape my arm over her and Thaddeus. Nothing felt righter than


    having them all in the same bed, yet I also know it won’tst.


    Evelyn will wake, and everything wille back. Whatever it is will make her plummet. By her


    feelings we have a rough idea but couldn’t understand her guilt. Praying that sleep finally helps her,


    helps her mind clear of whatever it is. When I was in the city, I sent a message to Amara. Thaddeus will


    be angry when he finds out, but he will forgive me. He always does. Amara is one of his weaknesses.


    His little sister brings out a protective side of him, just like Evelyn does. Only she knows what he is like,


    and usually he distances himself from her, going years without speaking to her. Sometimes I feel his


    jealousy over her, jealous that she is the good one. Thaddeus tries being good, but everything he


    touches turns to dust by the time he is done with it. Destroys everything and he implodes on himself.


    He never feels the guilt of his actions, sees the repercussions of his destruction, just moves on


    destroying everything hees across. He doesn’t even know what it is he is looking for, but I felt the


    urge to find it leave him with Evelyn by his side. This is the longest we have stayed home. Usually, we


    leaving destruction everywhere he goes.


    Two broken people finding each other. This will either be the best thing that happens to them or


    worst and most destructive thing. Unfortunately, not all things broken can be fixed. No one can go back


    and change the past but maybe the future? I hope they can change the future, Amara always said


    nothing good wille of Thaddeus if he can’t find his way back, that our future is uncertain. She once


    said that he would be our downfall, but she never saw Evelyn in that future. I was curious to know if she


    could see her now. See her apart of our world or would her demise be at his hands.


    Being pulled from my troubled thoughts when I feel her waking, feel Rnd stirring and a feeling of


    unease settling over him. Thaddeus eyes open as he peers down at her with a frown on his face. Her


    eyelids move as she watches her dreams y out. Rnd sitting up, he looks over Thaddeus his eyes


    resting on Evelyn. He brushes her hair from her face, and I feel her rxing under his touch. One word


    slipping from her lips in her sleep.


    “Lana.”