chapter 11


    The next morning, I awoke inside my car. I do not remember climbing back in the car or the stray


    leaving. Maybe I was more intoxicated than I thought. The morning light was bright, forcing me to


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    squint while my eyes adjusted to the brightness. Reaching for my phone, I peered at the screen. The


    battery was on three percent. The time was 7:30 am, I forgot to set my rm. Luckily, my body clock


    didn’t fail me this morning. Getting out of the car, I breathed in the clear crisp morning air.


    Closing my eyes, thest few day’s events came back to me like a bad dream. Only this time more


    painfully. I could still hear herst gasp. Feel the life leave her body as her hand went cold. Pushing the


    memory aside, I shook my head trying to remove the memory that was firmly imprinted in my head.


    Nothing about it felt real, like it happened to someone else. Only I could feel the pain of her loss, so I


    knew it was definitely my life that was falling in tatters. Now I was motherless as well as homeless and


    hopeless.


    Two more years, I can do this. Just going to be two more years, then I can have my life back on


    track hopefully. Instead of dwelling on my shitty life, I got dressed. Tom doesn’t need to see me like


    this. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me even more than he does. I don’t want to break down, and


    seeing the pity in his eyes would definitely be thest straw. I already felt like I was failing at this so-


    called thing they call life. I didn’t want to see my failures confirmed in someone else’s eyes.


    Getting undressed, I forgot about the cut from the wire fence. As soon as I ripped my singlet off,


    along came with it was the bloody gauze and the skin underneath. I had bleed through the gauze and


    onto my singlet, I must have bumped it in my drunken stupor getting in the car. Reaching inside my


    vehicle, I grabbed some more gauze and the bottle of vodka. Dousing the cloth, I quickly ced it over


    the wound. The profanities that left my lips when the cloth brushed my skin would have made a sailor


    disgusted. Cleaning it effectively and also nearly making myself throw up or pass out from the intense


    burn. I wasn’t sure which, but I would rather pass out right now.


    Once the burning subsided, I redressed the wound and slipped on my navy skirt and zer outfit I


    retrieved from the storage locker. The skirt nearly fell to my knees as soon as I did it up. Surely, I


    haven’t lost that much weight. I know I hardly eat but this was starting to get out of hand.


    Reaching in, I grabbed my belt from yesterday and did it up, holding my skirt in ce before


    chucking my blouse on and zer over the top. Luckily, the zer covers the belt that does not match


    my outfit at all. Deciding I looked decent enough, I won’t be able to remove my jacket today. Slipping


    my heels on, I quickly flipped the visor down and started doing my make up. I looked terrible. My face


    looked grey and drained of life. My eyes looked exhausted, puffy, and had no light left in them. By the


    time I was done, Tom was walking up the ramp towards me coffee in hand.


    “Hey Tom,” I said with a wave.


    Tom smiled upon seeing me. “Ready early dear, hair and all.”


    I just nodded. Yes, it was a rarity that Tom didn’t see me in my car head glory. Tom walked me to


    the elevator like every morning. It was good listening to him tell me what Mary and himself got up to the


    night before. Made me forget about everything. When it came time to part ways, I was actually sad to


    see him turn and leave because I knew I was going to be left with my own torturous mind.


    Once I made it to the office, I quickly turned everything on and started my work. Just before 9 am, I


    made the coffees for Theo and Tobias and had them waiting at my desk for when they entered. I busied


    myself with sending and replying to emails. When they stepped out of the elevator, they both stopped


    and stared. For a second, I wondered if I forgot something or that maybe something was on my face,


    until they continued walking towards me.


    “Good morning,” I said, overly cheerful. They both raised an eyebrow at me. I nearlyughed. It


    was almostical and perfectly in sync with each other. They clearly didn’t think there was anything


    to be cheery about this morning. Truthfully, there was nothing joyful in my life at the moment. But hey,


    fake it till ya make it, right?


    “Are you sure you should be here? We don’t expect you to work, Imogen.” I looked at Theo and


    noticed Tobias looked away guiltily. It’s kind of pissed me off. I didn’t want their pity and sad worried


    looks. It wasn’t his business to tell what he had seen, even if he only told Theo. It was bad enough I


    listened to this yesterday.


    “Nope I’m good,” I said. I knew my face looked unimpressed at them mentioning anything about


    my mother.


    “No, really Imogen, if you need some time off to organise funeral arrangements. We can manage


    on our own,” Theo told me, repeating exactly what Tobias said yesterday.


    “Nope everything is fine. Funeral arrangements have been organised,” I said, turning back to my


    hospital was going to have her cremated and notify me when I could pick the remains up and add it to


    the already never-ending hospital bill. Besides, where would I even go with time off? Go stare at all my


    junk in the storage locker? Like that was going to make feel any better.


    No, I needed the distraction of work. Need something to do. But most all I needed to be left alone.


    One thing I was good at is hiding my emotions. I make sure not to rely on anyone, that way when they


    don’te through or step up when needed, I can’t be disappointed. I was already disappointed in


    myself; I didn’t need the added disappointment of others.


    “Nope, everything is fine. I have your schedules here and coffees,” I told them, passing them


    everything they needed before putting my head back down and ignoring them. They must have got the


    message because after a few tense seconds of feeling their eyes lingering, they both walked away into


    their offices. I sighed, relieved to be left to go about my work with hopefully no more mention of death


    and funerals. I shoved my problems to the back of my mind andpleted the tasks in front of me.


    When lunch time came around, I knew that meant seeing Theo and Tobias, so instead of staying at


    my desk like I do most of the time, I ducked down to my car. Sitting in my passenger seat, Iid my


    chair all the way back. The sun felt nice and warm on my skin. There was a slight breeze but not to


    chilly. My lunch break was an hour long. Rummaging through the bag Sally gave me, I pulled out the


    out. The taste was terrible, like cookie dough but chewy and sugarless. The bar had nuts in it that were


    rock hard, and I’m surprised I didn’t break a tooth. Swallowing thest mouthful down, I tried to rid the


    taste from my mouth.


    My teeth ached from constantly chewing, I had never eaten a protein bar that resembled nutty


    chewing gum. When I tried and failed from removing the taste, I looked at the bottle sitting in the


    footwell of my car. Smirnoff Vodka, it was one the better tasting ones. Would it be inappropriate to have


    a mouthful while at work? It was definitely inappropriate, I knew that, but the taste was foul, and I also


    needed the liquid courage to go back up there and pretend everything was peachy.


    Reaching over, I grabbed the bottle and twisted the cap off. Bring the bottle to my lips, I took two


    big mouthfuls and swallowed them down suddenly feeling the burn all the way to my stomach. cing


    the cap back on, I sat back, only to find the watchful eyes of my new stray friend staring at me. He was


    sitting directly in front of my car looking through the windshield.