chapter 8


    I watched the buttons light up for each floor I went down, it was like time slowed as I watched the


    numbers tick down. I was nervous, impatient, and trying to hold all my pieces together, Sally’s voice


    going through my mind on repeat, repeating the words that I felt would stop my heart from beating.


    Only there it was still thumping painfully in my chest.


    When the elevator doors opened on the bottom floor, I took off running, my shoulder smashing into


    the elevator door having not had enough time to openpletely on my way out. The hospital wasn’t


    far, and I made it there in under five minutes. My heels slid on the floor outside my mother’s ward door


    as I gripped the door handle and walked in.


    The ward was full of doctors moving other patients out. Sally stood amongst them, her green


    scrubs standing out amongst the doctors in their white coats. Sally was looking at the clock, probably


    wondering if I was going to get here in time. Seeing me, she came rushing over and wrapped her arms


    around me. “I’m so sorry, Imogen.”


    I nodded, watching as another patient was wheeled out and transferred to another room, leaving


    only my mother, a doctor, Sally, and myself.


    The doctor was an older woman in her fifties. She had greying hair that reached her shoulders,


    pulled back with a clip, kind soft brown eyes, and paleplexion. She was wearing a doctor’s coat


    and white scrubs. Her name tag read Laurel.


    “Hi, you must be Imogen?” she said, reaching out and grasping my hand softly between hers.


    “The Medical Ethics Board has decided to remove your mother from life support. In doing so I will


    just prepare you for what will happen next.” I stared at her, my facepletely nk. I think I was in


    shock, but at the same time I understood everything she said, even nodded a few times.


    When she was done, she asked If I wanted some time alone with my mother. I nodded my head


    and they both walked out, leaving me alone with her. I walked slowly over to her bed and held onto her


    hand. Looking down at her, she looked like she was just sleeping, her face was ck with the tube


    hanging out of it keeping her breathing. I stroked her hair gently.


    “Mumma, it’s me, your Immy. They have decided to turn your life support off.” I stared at her,


    hoping for some miracle. But there was none. I could hear Sally and the doctor talking softly outside the


    door. None of this felt real.


    “If you can hear me, mum, please know I’m sorry. I tried; I really did. I love you Mumma, but I have


    to let you go.”


    The time hade. I was preparing myself for this but why didn’t I feel like I prepared at all. I


    didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say to her now that this was goodbye. So instead, I just


    held her hand, rubbing circles into her soft skin. The doctor walked in with Sally. I looked up when they


    entered, Sally looked heartbroken for me and I turned away from her. I couldn’t handle seeing the


    sadness in her eyes.


    I knew once I let myself cry, I would never stop. So instead, I took a deep breath and closed my


    eyes, telling myself I could do this, hardening my resolve. The doctor asked me to step out so she


    All text ? N?velD(r)a''ma.Org.


    could remove the tubes and switch everything off. I shook my head at her.


    When she pulled the tube out of her throat, my mother made a gurgling noise and started gasping,


    but the doctor said it was the body’s normal reaction. I squeezed my mothers’ hand tighter, trying to


    ignore the noises her body was making. The doctor then unhooked all the machines that had now


    started beeping loudly.


    When she was done, she squeezed my shoulder tightly before walking over to the side. The doctor


    said my mother couldst a few hours or go quickly. Mum went quickly. Her breathing slowed, her lips


    started to turn blue, her body even convulsed, making me jump to my feet. I wrapped my arms around


    her neck pressing my head to hers.


    “It’s alright, Mumma. I’m right here, I’m right here,” I told her. After a few seconds, it stopped and


    so did her breathing. Her chest no longer rose up and down. The room went silent, the only noise was


    my heavy breathing. I lifted my head from hers, Mum’s skin went dull and lifeless, and her hand lost its


    warmth. I knew she was gone. The doctor walked over and ced a stethoscope on her chest and


    listened before nodding, confirming her heart was no longer beating.


    I stared at my mother’s dead body lying on the gurney, she was gone. I would never hear her voice


    again, never hold her again. I couldn’t handle it anymore. Getting up, I pulled the nket up, tucking


    her in as if she were asleep and I was saying good night instead of goodbye. I leaned down and kissed


    her head. My lips quivered and my eyes burned with tears that wanted to fall.