Irushedupstairstoourapartment.WhenIentered,Awasn’tinthelivingroomorkitchen.Iwentbacktothebedroomandfoundherpackingasuitcase.Myheartfellintoapitinmystomach.


    “Whatareyoudoing?”


    Shecontinuedtograbclothes.“Itoldyou,”shestated,“Iwon’tstayherewhilethatmurdererisalive.”


    “Fine,”Isaid,goingtotheclosetandpullingoutmytravelcase.“We’llgotothkehouseforafewdays.”


    “You’renoingwithme,”shesnapped.


    “Excuseme?”Irepliedindisbelief.“You’renotstayingawayfromthepackhousealone,A.”


    “You’rethereasonhe’shere,”sheyelledatme. “You’rethereasonhe’sstilive.Untilyoufixthis,Idon’twanttobenearyou.”


    MyheartwasracingandIcouldhearmybloodpulsinginmyears.Ihadnoideawhatwasgoingon.Adidn’tevenreactthiswaywhenHarryadmittedtokillingherfather.


    “Soyou’releavingme?”Ieximed.“BecauseIneedtoprotectyou?”


    “Becauseyou’relettingthatabominationlive,”shebellowed.


    Shemmedthesuitcaseshutandzippedit.Ishoveditbackdownasshemovedtopickitup.


    “Whatthef***hasgottenintoyou?”Isaid,myangerandfearandconfusiongettingthebetterof me.“WhyamI havingtoexinthisoverandover?Youwanttotaketheassholesdownbutrefusetoexploitthebestresourcewehaveatthemoment? Thisisn’tyou,A.You’resmarterthanthis.”


    “Oh,soI’mstupidforwantingtoavengemypack?”


    “Thisisyourpack,”Iroared.“Andno,youarejustifiedinwantinghimdead,butyouarebeinpletelyrash.Andyouarebeingignorant ifyouthinkI’mjustgoingtoletyouleaveme.”


    Shepulledatthesuitcaseagain,butIhelditfirmlyince.SheredatmewithanangerI’dneverseendirectedatmebefore.


    “Don’t makemmandyou,”shehissed.


    Ifrozeasshockranthroughme.Myb*dywentnumbatherwords.


    “Really?”Irepliedquietly.“That’swhereyou’regoingtotakethis?”


    Sheheldmy gaze.Iwaited,butshedidn’tbackdown.Iremovedmyhandfromthecase andsteppedaside.


    Icouldn’tbelieveshethoughtmyactionswereworththatkindofbetrayal.Wedidn’mandourmates.Weshouldneverhaveto.


    Commandswereatooltomaintainorderwithinapack.Nottomanipteourmembersto getwhatwewant.That’swhy ourabilitytmandwastakenseriously.Itwasasacredgiftthatshouldneverbeabused.Wesureasf***didn’ttakethatfreewillfrom ourmate.


    Becausethat’swhatmandwas.That’swhyitwaspainfultofightit.Shehadgrown morepowerfulinthepastfewweeks.


    Shewouldbeabletotake thatfromme.


    AbrushedpastmeandIfoughttostayonmyfeet.Mychest wassotightIcouldn’tbreathe.Shehadcutoffourconnection.


    Blockingmefromfeelingherthroughourmatebond.TearsprickedmyeyesasItriedtocontroltheurgetograbandholdherhere. IwantedtotellherI’dkillLloyd.We’dgodownandI’driphisthroatoutrightnow.IwantedtoscreamthatIwouldmakeitrightandbeghertostaywithme.


    Butmygutwasalsotellingmethat wouldbeamistake.That therewassomethingelse goingonwithA.IfIpushed her,wouldshestilmandme?CouldIriskhercrossingthatline?Would ourrtionshipwithstandthatdamage?WouldA?


    MyheadspunasItriedtomakesenseofwhatwashappening.Iwaitedtoheartheapartmentdoorclose.Waitedfortheloveofmylifeto walkoutonme.Again.ButIcouldn’tevenpretendtoknowwhattherightthingtodowasthistime.


    Butthesoundnevercame.


    Thedoordidn’topen.


    Itdidn’tmshut.


    Ididn’tevenheartheknobturn.


    Iswallowedthelumpinmythroatandturnedtowardthelivingroom.Igottotheendofthehall,IsawA.Shewasslumpedonthefloor bythedoor.Herbackwastomeandshewasstill.Islowlyapproachedher,sittingdownonthefloorbesideher.


    Ididn’ttouchheruntilI sawherexpression.Content bel0ngs to N?vel(D)r/a/ma.Org.


    Silenttearsfelldownhercheeks.Herfaceheldconfusionanddisbelief.Herb*dywasn’tmoving,buthereyesweredartingaroundnklyashermind raced.


    “I…”shewhispered.“I’msorry.”


    Iexhaledheavily,gatheringherintomyarmsandholdingheragainstmychest.Herarmssnappedaroundmyneckassheclungto medesperately.Irockedherasshestartedtosob.Ishushedhergentlyasshecontinuedtoapologizeandbegfor myforgiveness.


    “Baby,it’sokay,”Isoothed.“I’mhere.IpromiseI’mrighthere.”