39 <b>Ava</b>: Her Identity
39 Ava<b>: </b>Her Identity
<i>You </i>have <i>the </i>potential, Selene says, her voice a cautious whisper in my mind. The arcane <i>flows </i>through <i>your </i>veins. <i>But</i><i>…</i>
My breath escapes me in a giddy rush. Magic. Real magic. Human magic. It’s something out of a fairy tale, not something that should exist in my life. Then again, supernaturals exist–and we’re pretty nonstandard,
ourselves.
<i>It’s </i>not that <i>simple</i><i>, </i>Selene continues, her tone growing more serious. <i>Magic </i>is not a <i>toy</i><i>, </i>little one<i>. </i><i>It’s </i>a <i>force </i>of nature, <i>raw </i>and <i>untamed</i><i>. </i><i>To </i><i>wield </i><i>it </i><i>requires </i><i>knowledge</i><i>, </i>discipline, and control.
I swallow hard, feeling the warning in her words. “But how do I learn? I don’t even know where to start.”
<i>You </i><i>would </i><i>need </i><i>a </i>teacher, Selene exins, her voice tinged with hesitation. Someone <i>well</i>–versed <i>in </i><i>the </i>arcane arts, <i>who </i><i>could guide </i><i>you</i><i>, </i><i>show </i><i>you </i><i>how </i><i>to </i>harness and control <i>your </i>power. <i>But </i><i>magic </i>is a lost art<i>. </i>Magicians were lost <i>to </i>the curse and became shifters<i>.</i>
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39 Ava: Her Identity
Talk about a letdown.
O
“So, I won’t be able to do magic.” Is that how you say it? Do magic? Cast magic? Spell magic? Cast spells? It all feels weird in my mouth.
It is <i>unlikely</i><i>, </i>Selene says, but she still has that cautious
sound to her voice.
“If I tried, what’s the worst that could happen?”
<i>Death</i><i>.</i>Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDra/ma.O(r)g!
A simple word, bluntly given, with all the truth in the world behind it. I shudder at the matter–of–fact tone.
In times <i>long </i>past, many talented humans were lost <i>to </i>the recklessness of their magical talent. <i>Until </i>magicians <i>began </i><i>to </i>teach each other, <i>too </i>many lives <i>were </i><i>lost </i>in the <i>pursuit </i>of the <i>power </i>within them. <i>Do </i>not open that <i>door</i><i>, </i><i>Ava</i>.
I rub my arms vigorously, trying to regain some of the warmth that fled my body as she spoke.
“Okay,” I say, shoving down the odd sense of loss. Magic would have been amazing to learn, of course. But–if Selene says it’s too dangerous, I believe her. It isn’t worth my life to try and grasp something so
39 Ava: Her Identity
vtile.
So I focus on a question that’s been bothering me from the beginning. “Selene, you’re my wolf, right?”
<i>Of </i><i>course</i>.
“Then why are you separate from me? No shifter has a wolf with a physical body.”
Selene hums, a thoughtful sound that echoes through my mind. <i>You </i>were <i>born </i><i>bonded </i><i>with </i><i>the </i>ancient <i>magic</i>, she exins in that non–exining way, where nothing is really answered. We are <i>both </i>separate and <i>one </i><i>at </i><i>the </i><i>same </i><i>time</i>.
I groan. “That makes no sense. You’re being cryptic again. All shifters are bonded with ancient magic, and they don’t have any ‘separate‘, only ‘one‘. Why am I different?”
<i>Crypticity </i>is <i>something </i>that can’t be <i>helped</i><i>, </i>Selene sighs, and I can almost picture her shaking her head. <i>It’s </i><i>the </i><i>nature </i><i>of </i><i>what </i><i>we </i><i>are</i><i>.</i>
“<i>Crypticity</i>? What are you, an English professor now? And what are we, exactly? Are you a Lycan or a shifter?”
39 Ava: Her Identity
<i>I </i>am <i>pure</i><i>, </i>Selene says, her voice filled with a quiet pride. <i>I </i>came <i>to </i><i>be </i><i>with </i><i>you </i><i>of </i><i>my </i>own <i>choice</i>.
I squint, as if that somehow makes my brain work better. “How is that possible? Doesn’t the curse decide
who is matched?”
<i>That </i><i>is </i>a story for another <i>time</i><i>, </i>Selene says, her tone turning brisk. <i>For </i><i>now</i><i>, </i><i>it’s </i><i>more </i>important that <i>you </i><i>take </i>a <i>cold </i>shower before <i>your </i>heat starts <i>back </i><i>up</i><i>. </i><i>yton </i>is near.
The mention of the alpha sends a shiver down my spine, and I can feel the first tendrils of heat starting to uncurl in my belly.
Selene’s right; I don’t want to be in a frantic state like yesterday. But I can’t let this conversation go just yet. I’m finally getting answers.
“But how can you just choose to be with me? And what do you mean, we’re separate and one at the same time? I don’t understand any of this.”
<i>I </i><i>know</i><i>, </i>little <i>one</i><i>, </i>Selene says, her voice softening. <i>There </i><i>is </i><i>much </i>you don’t understand <i>yet</i><i>. </i><i>But </i>trust <i>me </i><i>when </i><i>I </i><i>say </i>that <i>everything </i><i>will </i>be revealed in <i>time</i>. For now<i>, </i>focus on getting <i>through </i><i>your </i>heat. <i>We </i>can talk
39 Ava: Her Identity
<i>more </i><iter</i><i>.</i>
I want to argue, to demand answers, but the heat is building faster now, and I can feel my skin starting to prickle with sweat. I need to get this under control before I be a feral, slutty mess.
One humiliation is enough.
I head for the bathroom, tearing off my hospital gown and tossing it on the ground as I go. Niceties are foregone; I just want to get control of my body as soon
as I can.
I can sense the presence of a powerful wolf. I don’t know how far they are, but they’re close enough that I’m lifting my chin to sniff, trying to get their scent in
my nose.
There’s two of them. One’s a little weaker, but he’ll do
<i>Ava</i><i>!</i>
Shit. Right. I p my nose, which of course does nothing to help but makes me feel better for at least trying, and turn on the water at its coldest setting.
I’m shivering in minutes, huddled under that freezing
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39 Ava: Her Identity
spray, but it seems to help keep my mind clear to an
extent.
My teeth are chattering, so I talk to Selene through my mind again. <i>Why </i>is heat even <i>a </i><i>thing</i><i>? </i>This is <i>ridiculous</i>. I’m <i>losing </i><i>my </i>mind because <i>I </i>want <i>some </i><i>dick</i><i>? </i><i>Who </i>came <i>up </i>with this <i>stupid </i>idea?
Selene’s chuckle soothes a little of my annoyance. <i>It </i>is stupid<i>, </i>she agrees. <i>But </i>Lycans have a strong <i>urge </i><i>to </i><i>breed</i><i>, </i><i>to </i><i>perpetuate </i><i>our </i>kind. It’s far more than <i>you </i>would <i>find </i><i>with </i>any <i>wolf</i><i>, </i><i>or </i>any other <i>animal</i><i>.</i>
<i>Unfortunately</i><i>, </i><i>it </i>passed <i>into </i><i>our </i>human bonds, and
<i>humans </i><i>are </i><i>weaker </i><i>to </i><i>it</i><i>.</i>
It makes me a little sick. <i>So </i>that’s <i>why </i>so many <i>she</i><i>–</i><i>wolves </i>mate <i>before </i><i>they’re </i>even <i>adults</i><i>?</i>
<i>Many </i><i>of </i>those <i>girls </i><i>go </i><i>into </i>heat <i>young</i><i>, </i>Selene says, regret in her voice. <i>They </i>also <i>need </i><i>to </i><i>be </i>mated <i>to </i>ensure their safety <i>in </i><i>some </i>packs.
Some packs. Like mine.
Being protected here in this hospital makes me realize how differently other packs may treat their
she–wolves.
Alpha Renard would have mated with me in a
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39 Ava: Her Identity
heartbeat if I’d shown up in front of him in heat. I
heave uncontrobly at even the thought of mating with someone like him. Harsh, cruel… <i>old</i><i>.</i>
He’s older than my dad.
I gag again.
<i>Yes</i><i>, </i>Selene says quietly. <i>It </i>was never safe <i>for </i><i>you </i><i>to </i><i>meet </i><i>your </i><i>wolf </i>in that ce<i>.</i>
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